Breaking point (OTA)

[savedbyasong]

Who: Shion and open
What: A lot has happened and Shion needs a moment to deal with it.
When: Leading up to and including 10th February
Where: Islets, Enso, Story tellers temple
Warnings: Hopelessness, despair, verge of giving up, contemplating death/maybe bordering on suicidal ideation, grief


Days leading up to the 10th

[As was often the way everything had happened on top of each other until there was not any time to even breathe never mind process what had happened and how he felt about it. The trials, seeing Prompto's fear as he was faced with questions that he wasn't sure he knew the answers to. Seeing everyone struggle in bodies that weren't their own. Shion figuring out Chip's powers trying to figure out how they thought and acted. Not to mention just the fact they had been in other bodies. What that told him, how much that lessened the chances of any of this being actual... reality.

Then he had been missing, for a month with no knowledge or awareness of where he had been. He hadn't had any strange dreams this time, he wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. He had returned to shadows and light shadows. Nezumi... Or Nezumi's shadow Shion hoped, had made it very clear he didn't trust Shion, Nezumi's light had made him see why. Tim had... Again Shion hoped it was Tim's shadow. But that didn't really make it any better. Shion's shadow had been the darkness inside him, so that meant there was a part of Tim that truly thought it would be better if Shion was dead.

If Shion thought for a moment that his death would actually solve anything, absolve him of anything he'd done or help any of his friends he would not hesitate. But he would just come back. It would solve nothing, he had died twenty one times before, it was not a magic fix.

All of that. Everything that had happened with the shadows, with the light shadows. All paled in comparison to the fact that Aster was gone. Her things were still here but... Thelassa and Excalibur were not. Peoples things didn't disappear when they did here, there was no obvious way to tell the difference between them leaving for a short while and being gone forever. But the fact the animals were gone... Shion was smart. He could use logic.

She was gone. If he had ever contemplated losing her he would have expected anger, pain but what he got instead was numbness. He was exhausted and once everything seemed to quiet down he just... stopped. He was vagualy aware that Monsun was back, that the island was in danger because of the animals from Ziziphus. He was aware that's where most people were and he should help but...

Going to Monsun was not a good idea. He had been there once, felt for himself the effects it had. It was not a safe place. He should help but... It controlled you, in an obvious way. Good or bad Shion couldn't bring himself to be somewhere where how he felt and acted was controlled. So he stayed on the islets.

Specifically in his hut, it felt too large, too empty. He feared seeing Nezumi, though he shouldn't let this place get to him. He hadn't seen or heard from Ceej, he should go and check on him. But he fears if Ceej is gone then he won't be able to hold back the wave, it would overwhelm him, crush him. So he stayed, only leaving when Cobweb nudged him out to gather water. Sleeping was difficult, he hadn't appreciated how much Excalibur staved away the worst of the nightmares until they reached up to grip him. When he could sleep at all. He hadn't slept alone in years and so many nights he lay awake.

He tried to keep up a facade of normalness, if anyone visited him they would be welcomed with a shaky smile and an offer of a drink. It probably fooled no one.]

10th February. Around the Story Tellers Temple.

[It was Faust's message on the stones that brought him out of his stupour. He hadn't even realised that Nari was gone. He should have known that. He should have found out what was happening, checked that everyone was alright. Instead of moping around, being useless. He scrubbed his hands against his face. Reno would be ashamed of him. Once again he had fallen into bad habits. Once again he had let things get to him. Aster would be ashamed of him, could he really even now not keep going without having someone to make him get up?

He's exhausted but he was also determined. He would go and meet Faust and offer his help. It was one of the few skills he actually had and Faust seemed happy to have help in a way Nari had not.

After his interview with Faust he felt more... Like things were maybe going to be alright. He made his way to the Story Tellers temple, to the rock. It was used less now that everyone had a story stone but it was still worth looking.

He pauses outside the temple. He's been here a year now and this place feels... It's sometimes awful but never as awful as the tower, he has friends here, people he cares about. Home has long since stopped meaning No. 6 but he guesses, it sort of means these islands now. Time had been a little... fuzzy when he first arrived, but looking back and guessing. It's probably about a year since he had met Connor... Here in this very courtyard.

I will gladly fucking sit here all day and do your nails, okay? This is like my favorite things to do in the entire world and I have literally nothing better to be doing.

He really should go and find him, check that he's still here.] Stop being a coward Shion.

Memorial Garden, Story tellers temple

[It had been wrecked. The storms and the attacks and the creatures. The garden was a mess and for a moment Shion just stared at it in numb helplessness.

But he had made it for a reason. A place to remember those who disappeared, a place to remind them what they were fighting for.

So he took a breath and got to work. Pots had to be righted, plants salvaged. Some couldn't be but he could plant new ones. He began making a list of things he needed to collect. He brushed out excess sand with his hands, picked up broken shells. Cracked pots could be repaired.

He threw himself into the task, back and forth from the islets to the temple, things for fixing, new things to replace the unfix-able. New plants carefully dug from his garden and transported. Anyone nearby got a cautious smile and an open invitation to join him. This place was for everybody.

It took hours, the day moved into evening and still he wasn't done. There were more memorials to make, to those who did not yet have one.

He didn't know everyone who had disappeared lately, he should... There had to be a way to figure out who was here... He would think of something. It was bad that people could arrive here and disappear with no one ever really knowing.

He makes memorials for CT and Nari first. Flowers and shells in coconut bowls with their names on. Hopefully those who knew them better, their friends, would add to them, make them more personal.] We won't forget you...

Memorial Garden; Night time

[He saved Aster's until last. He knew it would be painful. But remembering was painful. That didn't mean they shouldn't do it. Aster flowers obviously, but also purples and blues. Blues for her eyes, if he closed his eyes he could still see hers, too close as she pressed her forehead against his. Eyes blazing in anger as she defended those she cared for, eyes crinkled in laughter at Thalassa's antics.

His sister. Someone who had changed his life in so many ways. They had said goodbye, over a year ago. When they escaped the tower. They had said goodbye, knowing they would probably never see each other again. knowing they both had to go back to their worlds and that sometimes the right thing was a painful and lonely choice.

They had not expected this place, Shion still remembered the ice. Mu. The strange dream where nothing made sense but it didn't matter because it meant he got to hug her one last time. But it hadn't been the last time.

As hard as this year had been. As awful as it was that once again they were trapped, their lives spent like puppets dangling on a string for some unknown force's amusement. He had had ten months with her. Ten months that he had not been expecting. He should feel anger that she was ripped away from him and he does. But it is directionless, he doesn't have anyone to fight. Not for this. They didn't know who brought them here, who took them away. Ten months of seeing her grow, become more confident. Face down the world.

He missed her so much already. What was he going to do without her? She was the brave one, the strong one. The one who could survive, the one who made Reno so proud. He had always marvelled that she even put up with him. She had made him more, like all his family. And now she was gone.

She might return, Reno had in the tower. Gone for an age and then returned. But... She might not. Many hadn't. They were siblings but they were born of different worlds, he knew that there was the biggest chance that he would never see her again. That their last evening before they got stolen into the trials was his last memory of her.

As last memories go it's not bad. At least there's that. A mountain of seashells were needed for this, the seashells had been her thing. Back in the tower, seashells on the graves. Tears welled up in his eyes as he dropped shell after shell onto her memorial. She was gone. No more would he hear her voice, no more would he feel her arms around him calming him. No more would they sit trying to figure out the mysteries of this place. The last of his family. Gone.

Shion had never considered a heart breaking to be a physical thing before, but there was pain that lanced through his chest as he knelt over the makeshift grave, seashells crushed between his fingers as he sobbed.]

Comments

Memorial Garden; Night time

[shatteredlenses]

[Ignis knows he should have come here sooner, yet there had just been no time. He had not lost a month like Shion had, but events made so he might has well have. The trials. Monsun's return. The shadows and lights and those strange rooms.

Even now he wonders if he should be checking on Ardyn instead of being here, but perhaps he can go afterward. The redhead has often needed time after such events and Ignis doesn't want to smother him.

By the time his birthday had rolled around, he knew he could no longer put it off since there was no denying that those accursed sea creatures would have made a mess of the place and Shion...well, things had not gone well for his friend lately. He should not have to fix it all himself.

Somehow, Ignis is unsurprised to find he isn't alone when he arrives at the memorial garden. It's late, but it's so easy to lose oneself in a project, especially when distraction is what a person desperately needs.

The sobbing is heartbreaking, but also not surprising. Not with the very special person whose name stands out in the list of those who have recently left.

Aster.

Ignis isn't sure if Shion will hear his footsteps over the sobs, but he makes them clear anyway, not wishing to startle him as he moves to his friend's side and kneels next to him.]

Shion, darling, come here.

[He holds out his arms for a hug, but gives Shion the option of moving into it. Sometimes those so lost in grief don't wish to be touched and he doesn't want to force anything unwanted on his friend right now.]

[savedbyasong]

[He hears the footsteps but makes no move to look over, to check that it's a person and not a creature or monster. He's too lost, not able to even muster the strength to care. He recognises the voice though once they speak.

Ignis... Shion's shadow had said awful things to Ignis, Shion had gotten angry at him. He should have gone and checked up on him, especially since Shion had ran into Ardyn, his shadow at least. That would have hurt Ignis. He should have gone to check his friend was alright.

He was terrible. But he couldn't focus, not on anything but the overwhelming sense of loss, Aster was gone and for this moment Shion would burn the world and everything in it if it would bring her back.

A selfish thought but he knew himself to be a very selfish person. He practically fell into Ignis' arms, clinging to him like a life line. Breathing was hard, the tears threatened to overwhelm him, like he could drown in sadness. His hands scrabbled at Ignis' clinging to him as he sobbed.]

[shatteredlenses]

[Despite how heavily the guilt of all that happened with his shadow weights on Shion, it's the farthest thing from Ignis' mind. These kinds of things have happened too many times now for him to hold it against Shion, even if some of what was said hurt. Besides, Ignis knows Shion will hold it against himself enough for them both.

No, instead of thinking on all of that, Ignis just holds his friend tightly, eventually beginning to rock him gently as he had so often when Noctis woke crying from a nightmare. And, this is a nightmare. Just of a different sort than the ones that had plagued his prince. For one thing, no amount of 'things will be fine' will mean anything here. There is no magical wall to hide behind. No father who holds the power of the kingdom--and the Crystal--in his hands and who would not hesitate to use both to protect them. They only have themselves and each other, which is a lot harder to have faith in when people can be taken away so easily.

Like Aster has. Like Noctis has. Again.

Ignis bows his head, pressing his cheek into Shion's hair letting his presence say what his words can't. No mere words can describe such pain. They are just not strong enough. Nowhere near strong enough.]

[savedbyasong]

[There are some things that need no words and this is one of them. Shion sobs as he clings to Ignis. But eventually tears dry up, despite the fact that he feels like he could cry forever being held helps as his breath begins to even.

He's so tired, this last year has been a lot less... awful than the years before it but the last few months had been almost like the tower again, one thing after another after another until there was barely time to breathe never mind sleep or think.] Ignis...

[It's the first coherent word he's said so far and his voice shakes when he does so. It's just a confirmation, Ignis is here. Still here. For now.

He knows better than to expect anyone to stay. They have no control over such things.]

[shatteredlenses]

I'm here.

[His arms tighten around Shion slightly in apology for the fact that he can't promise he will always be here. Even though he has been here since the first group arrived, he has also been sent home. There is no telling when it might happen again. There is so much they want to do here, so much they want to fix, but will and wish doesn't stop this place from sending people away. If it did, Noctis would still be here; Aster would still be here.]

Sometimes I think the fates that bind people are stronger than this place's ability to keep them here, so eventually they are drawn back to do whatever great deed it is they must do.

[Still, the second Noctis who was brought to the islands already fulfilled his role in the prophecy. Why was he pulled away afterward? Surely, there wasn't something else he had to do. Had he not done enough already?]

Aster had a lot she wanted to fix. I can't say for sure that is why she slipped away, but perhaps...

[savedbyasong]

[Shion shook his head slightly. He would like to believe that. Believe that she's gone back to where she belongs. Back to her fight, to the place she had fought so long to return to.

He doubts it's that easy. Whoever had them here would not let them go that easily.

But even in his grief he knows better then to voice such thoughts. Ignis has lost people to, many people. Many Noctis'.

And Shion is too tired to argue right now.] I hope she gets to fix it all. [If not now, then later, when they figure things out and escape from here. Aster deserves to get to fight for what she believes, to win her battles.]

[shatteredlenses]

I believe she will, no matter how long it takes her or what ways the path to doing so twists as she walks it.

[Aster was very strong and very determined, just like Shion himself was. Of course, grief makes it hard to remember those kinds of things. The heart aches and worries even though the mind knows better. He tightens his arms around Shion, quiet for several moments before something strikes him. Shion really shouldn't be alone at a time like this and that shack must seem very empty now.]

Shion, would you like to come and stay at the cottage for a little while? I'm sure Gladio and Prompto won't mind. We have the space.

Days leading up to the 10th

[want_to_belong]

[Prompto had gone back to life 'as normal', or as normal as it was there. Might seem odd, considering what they'd been through, but he had been through quite a lot back home. As much as he'd wanted to give up at points, as long as he still had someone there to cling on to... He could keep going. Pretending everything was okay.

In contrast to Shion, he liked Monsun, but he had other business to attend to and spent some time on the islets working around their home. For all his questionable confidence, he seemed to do fairly well moving on.

Things would seem normal if one were to watch him. He shuffled about the islets, focusing on setting up his new smithing equipment and protecting it from the weather, not showing any signs of thinking about anything else in particular.

He was happy to wave to Shion when he passed, but he wasn't obtuse. He paused to look closer. Silent for a moment, his lips a thin line.]

Hey. You okay?

[savedbyasong]

[Shion nodded, he was trying to stop lying and so he didn't actually utter words about being fine, he wasn't sure he could without his voice betraying him.] How have you been Prompto... I haven't seen you in a while. [Since he had spoken to him whilst the shadows were about, a couple of weeks. Many people were busy on Monsun.]

[want_to_belong]

I've been all right.

[There was certainly something behind that, which was normal for Prompto, but he was maintaining a fairly casual tone as he shifted his weight to lean mostly on one leg. Clearly stopping in place for a bit.]

Yeah. Things have been pretty busy. Seems like we never get a break. Did something happen?

[savedbyasong]

No... Breaks are not something we get a lot of. [They got a lot more here than they had in the tower. But truthfully the times here when things were quiet were almost worse. Shion was used to awful things happening on practically a monthly basis and so when there's a gap, it threw him off. He couldn't take advantage of the peace because he was waiting, expecting the worst to happen.

And yet when it did he was always caught off guard. He would hope to learn, but it hadn't yet happened.] Lots, my... None of my shadows found you did they? [He hopes not. It was bad enough how his shadow had treated Ignis. It was hard enough apologising for his own actions never mind those of aspects of him that moved and acted independently of him.]

[want_to_belong]

No. I got pretty lucky on that front. Did it stir up trouble?

Kinda hoping we can find a way to lock out things like that. Like, a magical barrier or safe haven. We used to have spots like that back home, but I dunno how exactly they were made.

[He'd really appreciate a few right now. Just camp out and relax during crazy times.]

[savedbyasong]

It... It wasn't very nice to Ignis. He was trying to help me. [He feels bad about it even though he wasn't the one who had said such things, not the one who had tried to hurt his friend. It had been part of him and that was bad enough.

Prompto's words distract him though.] A barrier? [Like Zo's barrier magic, or Zelda's for that matter. Keeping things out. Of course Zo's had only stopped outside forces and many of the horrors in the tower came from within and Zelda's had been limited. But the idea that they could create a protected space...]

Is that a magic you know?

Memorial Garden, Story tellers temple

[jelliclerats]

[ Nezumi knows Aster is gone, of course. He knows because she was so integral to Shion's life. Maybe he doesn't understand from experience, but he does get it, what she means to him. He doesn't offer kind words or condolences. That would be far too kind of him. Instead, he watches Shion. Her loss isn't a personal loss for Nezumi, he didn't really know her. So, his concern is for the boy who considered himself her brother.

When Shion leaves for the temple, Nezumi fights with himself before following. This isn't his problem, he shouldn't be involved. Despite that, despite what he may want otherwise, his life is entwined with Shion's. What if he's going to do something stupid? Nezumi doesn't have to let him know he's near. If nothing happens that Shion can't handle, they'll continue their separate ways. If something does happen, he'll see if Shion can handle it. If he can't, then Nezumi will step in. It will be the same plan he has for the Western District.

For a long time, Nezumi watches. He's done this before, when they were in different parts of the same world. He never interfered, both because of the distance and because people can learn from their own mistakes. But Shion isn't most people. Nezumi hates that he finds a distinction, but he does. ]

How long do you plan on working here?

[ A silky-smooth voice asks him from the shadows before he finally moves into sight, exposing himself. ]

[savedbyasong]

Nezumi... [Shion looks up, looking guilty as if he's been caught doing something wrong. To Nezumi this probably is wrong, this whole garden. Remembering those who are lost, dwelling on the past, caring about people enough to not want to ever forget them.

In many many ways Nezumi is right. Loving people brings pain. It hurts to see those he loves suffer, losing them is... Shion has died twenty one times and yet the pain of knowing that he probably will never see Reno again, Aster again is worse.

Yet he doesn't regret it. Even with all the pain it brings he does not regret chosing to care.

Seeing Nezumi is painful. The words from his shadow still echo in Shion's head. The words of his light are even louder. But Nezumi is another who Shion has chosen to love. Despite the pain.]

Until it's finished. I've been lax in keeping up with it and the floods destroyed quite a bit.

[jelliclerats]

They're not even really dead.

[ At least, as far as Nezumi understands. They leave, probably to return to their own world. But this is Shion. Nezumi knows that. Seeing him slave away on nothing more than memories is something that's so inherently him. This is why their worlds will never mesh, he tells himself. Associations and bonds only lead to death and loss. If you tried to care for everybody who died, you'd go insane. Death is too common. ]

This kind of thing isn't for the people that are gone. They can't see this stuff, Shion. It's for the people they leave behind.

[ He stops, as if unwilling to budge further into the graveyard. ]

Drop it. Let's go back.

[savedbyasong]

I know. [That's the point, it's for those left behind. A way to ensure that no one who sets foot on these islands is forgotten. He knows it's not perfect. He knows there are those he hasn't met, who have come and gone without knowing anyone well enough for them to report their loss.

He needs to do something about that.

He knows this is not a project Nezumi would approve of. Everything about it goes against everything Nezumi believes but Shion knows, remembering is so important and the bonds between people are what makes them strong.

It is not a weakness even if it hurts. He shakes his head.] I'm not finished here...

[jelliclerats]

[ He can return alone. Shion should know a life with Nezumi means that there'd be no more room for sentimentality like this. It's too heavy a burden, and if he carries it around like this, he'll only break beneath the weight. Returning home without him would send a clear message about the inability of the two worlds to cross.

Life with Nezumi, huh? Inwardly, he smirks at himself condescendingly, though nothing shows on the outside. He'd only meant it was 'to spend time with', but as someone so well read, he understands the importance of word choice. He should probably go back for his own sake.

So why aren't his legs moving? He's becoming too comfortable in this place, and it isn't something he likes. Nezumi's being lulled into a false sense of something. He really, really should walk away.

He's still not walking. ]

What do you think it'll change?

[savedbyasong]

Memory is really important... It won't change anything but... It's a place.

[It's sentimental but it helps. It helps Shion and he knows it helps others. Even if Nezumi thinks it is unimportant. Nezumi hasn't left though... Shion glances at him, surprised.

He pointed at one of the memorials, Asch's.]

I knew an Asch where I used to be. The one here wasn't him. But the one here... He was dead back on his world and he saw a vision of his world. His parents had made him a grave, but it was not for him, it was for the... He was replaced by a copy of himself when he was younger. It's a bit complicated. [Nezumi at least was well read, even if the whole multiple universe thing was still new to him.]

But when he disappeared I knew there had to be a place that remembered him properly, for him. Not for who people wanted him to. That's why I started this...

Memorial Garden, you pick the exact prompt | let me know if this isn't enough for you to tag with!

[crosslaced]

[He usually doesn’t linger in the memorial garden. He has not had reasons to do so. Today is an exception.

Laurent, reticent even on good days, lurks near the back. But he doesn't choose to leave, which suggests at least some interest in the matter.]

[savedbyasong]

[Shion looked over, hearing a small noise. Even as tired and sad as he was there was part of him, the part that Reno trained that was alert and ready.

Even if he didn't always act on it, that was on him and no reflection of Reno's training.

He froze when he saw Laurent. Laurent was... They had both agreed that they didn't hate each other but that didn't mean that Laurent wasn't intimidating.

Not someone to show weakness in front of. Yet Shion wasn't sure he could pretend to be strong right now.

And... If Laurent was here it might be for a reason, Shion had made the garden for everyone after all and Laurent had been here longer than Shion, he would have more people he knew in here.] Hello... [His voice is barely a whisper, it feels as if he tries to make it louder it will break and the tears that are being held back will escape.]

[crosslaced]

Hello.

[His voice lacks the put-togetherness it usually has. Neither is there any comment on things he might usually be particular about- Laurent seems a little distant, today. There’s something brittle in the blue of his eyes as he sweeps them around the garden, examining the place for the first time. Something..... perhaps melancholic is a good word for it.

Laurent, ordinarily, does not bother with the loss of other islanders. But there are exceptions.

The blonde drifts over to a random monument and just kind of starts listlessly wandering around. If you want to get back to crying, Shion, it doesn't look like he'll judge. He might not even notice.]

[savedbyasong]

[He doesn't for the time being, he just watches Laurent warily, like prey watches a wolf. If Laurent is here it must be for a reason, even if that reason is just a peaceful place. He probably doesn't need Shion crying as past of it.

Because he's watching him so carefully he notices that Laurent seems... even more subdued than usual.

It takes him a moment to speak again, there is always an awkwardness around Laurent. "Are... are you alright?"

[crosslaced]

Yes- [He says tersely, and it's so obvious a lie that he glances away, to the side. ]

I am well as can be, for the circumstances.

[He settles on this, eventually. And finally his gaze goes back to Shion again and sees, noticing the boy’s expression and bleary eyes. Oh. So like, okay.]

Suppose it's the same for you.

[savedbyasong]

[It's often a lie. I'm fine, everything's okay. Lies told to make things seem less terrible.

Shion nods, his own lie.]

A lot has happened... But I'll be fine.