lifeaftr | Anywhere the struggle is great

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Anywhere the struggle is great

Who: Gladio, residents of Isle 1, and anyone else that shows up
What: Guys, GUYS.... shower time
When: Evening of May 8
Where: Just offshore of the Cove on Islet 1
Warnings: Gratuitous use of a wet Gladio

Over the last few days, since arriving really, Gladio has been doing his damnedest to keep track of all the things he needs to do, keeping track of all the projects that need tending to. It really is something of a miracle that they've gotten by for so long with so little.

His very first project is to make tanks for fresh water. There are two and it does not take terribly long to build the actual tanks. Prompto helps him gather wood and in those first few days he has enough animal fat to melt down and protect the wood of the base for the one he means to be an actual storage for drinking water. Both tanks are squares, roughly 4x4 cubes built on the edge of the grassy area that slopes down to the beach so he did not have to build them on frames. The first lined with clay and filled with sea water (for now at least). The second was split in half, the lower compartment for filtered water, the upper awaiting layers he was still working on.

Both had bamboo pipes that fed out, the shower tank already set up so that one could stand at the bottom of the hill, beneath the the output above and... well... shower. Gladio had already moved a few baskets of gravel and stone over so that the area beneath the shower was no longer sand and would not wash away as easily. The bar of soap that had come to him in his knapsack was sitting on a rock he'd dug into the hillside as something of a shelf. Now that everything was assembled it was time to test his work.

The first moment under the spray had him cursing, the water far colder than he'd have liked. Which had him marching back up to the top of the hill, poking around at the violently smoking, extremely hot mound of mud where he was making charcoal to collect a few stones. Makeshift wooden tongs to pick them up, far too hot to handle with his hands, and immediately upon dropping them into the shower tank the water began roiling around the stones, spreading the heat into the water.

"Perfect!" And then he was running back down to the base of the hill to bask under the spray of warm water, leather pants and boots long since cast aside and now his boxers sticking to him but he wasn't quite ready to scandalize anyone yet.

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When anger suddenly flows from where there had only been sorrow a short time before, Ignis' head jerks up, eyes so wide with shock that even his left eye manages to open slightly. Tears continue to fall down his cheeks brought there now, not by the pain he feels for his friend, but the sudden twisting in his own heart. He is in no way prepared when the push comes and his heel slides off the edge of the wet stone. He feels his balance going, but his brain refuses to take the actions necessary to correct it. For one horrid moment, Ignis remembers what it had been like after the Oolick attack when his body refused to respond to his mind. A soft cry slips from his mouth and then he's sprawled on the stone, breath knocked from his body by the collision with the ground.

Immediately, he pulls himself back into a seated position, arms shaking as he plants his palms against the stone. He looks up at Gladio again, eyes still wide, words lost somewhere between his chest and mouth. Perhaps it is best he can say nothing when his words of comfort had caused...this. Perhaps he is wrong. He was wrong in Altissia. He failed Noctis then. Why shouldn't he fail Gladio now?

Ignis' breath catches in this throat, a sob choking him, and the very moment that choked sob leaves his mouth, a avian scream fills the air.

Rory! How had he forgotten her?

He tries to pull himself to his knees, arm outstretched to her, but when he tries to find his voice to calm her, it won't come.

Another angry shriek fills the air and then he feels nothing but warmth as she sets all her feathers alight...

Edited (Stupid TYPOS!) 2018-05-15 06:07 (UTC)

Watching Ignis stumble back, watching him fall... The anger fizzles, fear taking over for a moment, then the anger burns hotter and brighter, now directed inward instead of at Ignis. Iggy who never deserved it in the first place and why did he do that? Why did he push him away, literally push him.

The ache in his chest sharpens, anger and pain and regret, so much regret, so many years of mistakes burdened on his shoulders.

It isn't until Ignis is moving again that Gladio is able to pull himself up out of the deepening spiral of regret and disgust and all the things he's done so wrong for so long and-

He doesn't make a conscious decision to move, doesn't think about where he's going or what's happening. Nearly two decades of training telling his body what to do long before his mind is consulted. That screech means danger, the fear on Ignis' face (fear that Gladio is terrified might be directed at himself) the rising temperature all mean a call to action.

"IGNIS!" He drops to one knee in front of him using his body to block in Ignis' front, one knee planted on the stones beside him, the other foot braced on the other side. There's the sharp shatter snap of the armiger and a metal clang as the second cry rings out, the cool press of Gladio's shield at Ignis' back, Gladio's arms boxing him in,drawing the shield in so that it meets the top of Gladio's head where he is hunched over above Ignis. There's gaps, certainly, but they are few and Ignis' face and torso are completely protected, Gladio's body serving as much as a shield as the actual weapon at his back.

The heat flares up around them and Gladio grits his teeth, tears still leaking traitorously from his eyes and the smell of burning hair is thick and choking on the air. He can hear the rumble of daemons behind them, the screech of the firebird mingling with the chittering of Arachnes, the wet sucking sounds of the stones shifting in the sand that of flan closing in on them even as they fight to find their way around the fallen corpse of the great beast Cerberus. The thundering of his pulse in his ears the steps of giants.

His breath came faster, another screech, another surge of heat, a grunt of pain but he refused to move, the smell turning to char and ash just like all of Insomnia and when he finally forces his eyes open all he can see is the top of Ignis' head and the darkness around them, even the sun overhead forgotten in that one moment of blinding terror. Cor, falling honorable as always, Ignis' scars... Ignis burning too, burning for him and he dropped one hand from his shield to wrap an arm around Ignis' shoulders, dragging him in against his chest, curling himself defensively around Ignis' head. "No, no... no no no." A desperate chant as he braced for another blow.

It all happens so fast. Rory's first dive. Gladio's reaction. Ignis finds himself all but smothered in Gladio's protective embrace, cold metal and hot flames warring against each other as he shifts what little he can against Gladio's chest. He has to get Aurora's attention, but he realizes quickly he's not going anywhere unless he wants to shove Gladio away and that's not something he can do, not when the Shield's tears still hit his face and the smell of burned hair and skin fills his nose.

For a moment, flame and water try to draw his mind back to Altissia, but Ignis puts a quick stop to that. He can't drift right now. Not when it's his fault Aurora's attacking in the first place. She and Gladio wish to protect him so much. They shouldn't be fighting each other!

"Rory!" Ignis finally finds his voice, though it is softer than he wants and he has to stop and clear his throat before beginning again, fingers curling against Gladio's chest as he calls out as loudly as he can, "Aurora! I'm fine! Go back to the cottage!"

At first, the firebird doesn't seem convinced. She aborts her next dive, but still circles warily above them, calling out uncertainly.

"Now, Aurora!" Ignis hates how sharp his voice must be, but he has to end this. "Go!"

Rory lets out another cry, but breaks off and finally heads back toward the cottage. Ignis sighs in relief when the heat of her flames vanishes. His hands flatten against his Gladio's chest and he tilts his head up in an effort to catch the Shield's attention. Finally able to focus on his friend fully, it's then that Ignis notices the tightening grip on him and the one word Gladio chants like a desperate prayer. With the certainty of one whose been in the same place, the terrible knowledge that Gladio's no longer here with him hits Ignis. Oh, they may be together, but in Gladio's head it's a different they, in a different place. The ruins of Insomnia, no doubt. The very thought makes his heart shatter in his chest, each unsteady breath that passes his lips jarring the pieces painfully.

It's a struggle since even more than before he doesn't want Gladio to think he's pulling away, but eventually Ignis frees his hands so he can reach out and cradle his friend's tear-stained face between shaking palms. Will Gladio even be able to hear him? There is no way to know except to try.

"Gladiolus, it's over. I'm all right," his voice is soft as he leans in close enough to Gladio that his lips practically brush the Shield's skin. As he continues, he pulls magic into himself so he can cast Regroup over them both to heal the burns Gladio's sustained protecting him.

"Come back to me now. I need you to come back to me."

He doesn't hear him at first, not exactly. Everything is tense, his body still awaiting a blow that will never come. A blow that should have been his in the first place. Not Cor, not Ignis, not Noctis. He flinches slightly from even the gentle touch of Ignis' hands, the brush of lips, but he doesn't move, can't move, he has to protect Ignis. He must. He'll never endure if he fails again.

It's the cool, sweet relief of Ignis' power washing over him that makes him gasp, jerking in the other man's hands. Slowly his gaze refocuses on the here and now, on Ignis' face so very close to his own, the sun shining down around them, the soft sound of the waves and the trickle of water from the tank above them. He blinks, tilts his head slightly, confused. He has to take a moment to reconcile where he is with what he thought was happening. It's hard and he's not entirely sure what did happen but Ignis is here and safe and alive and the relief that knowledge causes has him near sobbing again.

He releases the hold on his shield entirely and he's so unaccustomed to it that it falls to the stones with a thud instead of vanishing back to the armiger. Both arms close around Ignis again, pulling him in close, one hand resting over the back of his head to urge him to lean into Gladio's shoulder even as the Shield turns to press his lips against Iggy's temple. Relief, dizzy and giddy pushes something that is nearly a laugh out of him, though it is swallowed quickly by a sob.

Now that he's started though, now that he's seen what he's capable of and the terrifying thought that he could one day make Ignis afraid of him, he can't stop crying, soft sobs he tries to stifle against Ignis' shoulder. "I-I'm... so sorry."

Thank the Astr- No, Ignis quickly corrects his thought, thank whatever benevolent beings are currently watching over us in this place. It's the Astrals' faults that Gladio is like this, after all. That he suffered so much and that he carries so much pain in his heart and can't escape it no matter how hard he tries. Not even Shiva, whose messenger has watched over Lunafreya for so long. Not even Ramuh, who chose not to fight Noctis when it came time to form the covenant. None of them are free of guilt. They all hold a part of the blame, for none of them stood up to Bahamut when he cast Ardyn out simply for giving all of himself to save his people.

Part of Ignis wants to break free of Gladio's hold so he can shelter the Shield as his friend so recently sheltered him, but he gets the impression that right now Gladio needs to hold more than be held, so he doesn't resist the pull on his head or body, though he does free the arm trapped between himself and Gladio's chest so he can weave his hand back into his friend's hair, fingers picking up where they left off not long ago.

"You don't need to apologize, or if you feel you must, know you are already forgiven. I was just surprised and worried," his free hand settles itself against the side of Gladio's face, fingers gently wiping away the tears as they fall. "Rory has always been protective of me. From the day I found her as a little, ash covered ball of feathers. She just needs time to learn that you will never willingly harm me."

"But what if-" He chokes back the rest of the words, sucking in deep breaths, trying to remember how to control himself, to force his emotions back into check. He can't afford to fall apart like this. Can't afford to break down. There's too many dangers, too much to do. And if he lets himself think about what else could have happened, how much worse it could have been. How could he ever look any of them in the eye if he-

How could Ignis be so sure he'd never hurt him? He'd hurt Prompto all those years ago, long before he started losing time, losing track of where and when he was.

Things he couldn't do here any more than he could at home. It takes a long moment for him to pull himself together, drag himself out of the jumbled spiral of thoughts and memories. It's not long enough, it's not enough to let go of any of the darkness he's been holding inside, but it's all he will allow himself.

Finally, he draws away from his friend, sucking in a breath, trying his damnedest not to think about the rest of that sentence. Not to dwell on what he could have done.

"Not... the kinda shower you were hoping for, huh? Shit, Iggy... I'm sorry." He tries to laugh, to dismiss it all just like that. For both of their sakes.

"Perhaps not, but I suspect it was needed more than any other kind," Ignis rolls up onto his knees once Gladio releases him, but instead of moving away, actually moves closer, hands outstretched to find and wipe away any tears remaining on the Shield's face.

Yeah, no. Sorry big guy. Ignis knows the signs of a person pulling away and locking off emotion so they don't have to deal with it. You don't get to escape that easily. It's not for both of their sakes when only one person is kept from hurting.

"Lets talk about it. Where you went. What caused you to go there," he bows his head slightly, hands dropping to rest on Gladio's shoulders. "I know I'm asking a lot, but this can be a place of healing if you only let it be. There's time here to deal with everything we didn't have time to back home. Please, don't push me away and don't let me push you away. What happened back home doesn't have to happen here."

Quite honestly, Ignis isn't sure if he can handle it happening here. He's waited so long for Gladio to join them again. Maybe it's selfish, but he can't just let him drift away now, especially when he's so hurt so deep inside.

"I'm not afraid of you and I'll never be afraid of you. Please, talk to me."

He frowns slightly, surprised at Ignis following him, falling back to sit on the stone floor of the shower, leaning back against the rocky hill. It takes him a little further from Ignis, the familiar pose, resting his arm over one raised knee. He wants to draw both knees up, curl up on himself, defensive and impractical but he forces himself to try to relax his posture just a little.

Fingers come up to push his hair back, damp and curling and unruly and that's when he realizes his hands are shaking, trembling from the surge of adrenaline with no real outlet.

"You-" He chews lightly at the inside of his lip, sighs heavily. "It's not something you need to know." Everything about their home, his world... all that knowledge can do is hurt Ignis. It helps nothing, stops nothing. If anything it will just be one more reason for his friend to ruin himself.

"I'm not going to just..." He blinks up at Ignis, shifts slightly so he can catch the edge of his shield with his toes, drag it close enough that he can settle it against his side, facing the cottages. He tries to make it casual but the fact that the shield rests over his shoulder, hiding him from the prying eyes of passersby says more about his mental state than he wants to admit.

"There's nothing you can do, Ignis." Utterly resigned to his fate and that of the world.

"This isn't about what I can or can't do, Gladio," Ignis frowns slightly as his friend continues to pull away, but worry that he might set off another spell like the previous one keeps him from following this time. Of course, once he figures out what Gladio is likely doing when he drags his shield over and props it against himself, his worry almost loses its battle against his need to protect.

In the end, he settles into a sitting position near to, but not touching, the Shield. It will have to do until he manages to learn more about what is going on in Gladio's head.

"This is about helping you to deal with pain you are long overdue help dealing with. You can't keep all of this inside you, and I can't help you if you do. There are things I've been told about the future--about the darkness--but none of it is enough to really know why you're hurting so badly," he reaches a hand out in Gladio's direction. "I need you to help me help you. It hurts me so much to know you're in this much pain."

Especially, considering he knows his older self is responsible for a big chunk of it.

Ignis talks about the hurt like it's something he can just let go of, surrender and let it float away and it's frustrating. The only way he's been able to keep going for years has been to bury it all inside, to push it down and away and work himself ragged so he never really has time to think about it at all, never mind process it. It's... absolutely terrifying, to think of just putting all of it out in the open, all of his weaknesses on display.

Especially when Ignis could ruin him so easily with any one of them.

And that's almost more frightening, knowing that somewhere, deep down, there's part of him that doesn't trust Ignis not to hurt him. It would be so easy and he honestly doesn't know how he'd survive it a second time. It's easier, safer, to keep everything closed and locked away.

Ignis wants him to just lay himself bare like it's magically going to fix something when he knows nothing will change, he'll only make himself more vulnerable. And Ignis doesn't want to know what things have been like, the depths of the darkness they've been living in. Maybe some part of him wants to protect Ignis from suffering with the same knowledge he has, maybe he just, selfishly, doesn't want to live it again to tell him.

But the fact that he keeps pushing only sparks that deep well of anger in him again, he doesn't yell but his tone is sharp.

"Cor's dead." But that's the first time he's really admitted it aloud and as angry as he is the words leave him like a punch to the gut, all of the air rushing out of him and he looks helplessly up at Ignis for a moment. How can this help?

"He- Noct was-" How does he explain what happened without telling him all the things that happened before. "It should've been me." Is all he manages to choke out. Not crying so much as just not able to find enough air.

"The Marshal's..." It takes forever for Ignis to get that much out of his mouth and even then he can't finish the sentence. Logically, he knows they have to have lost many over those long years of darkness, but hearing Cor was one of them...

And recently. From the way Gladio speaks, it has to have been recent.

He swallows hard and lets his head drop. If Ignis could see, he'd be looking at the rocks that make up the shower floor, pulling out patterns, using that to sort out the mess in his mind, but now all he has is darkness to look into. Emptiness that doesn't hold any of the answers he's seeking.

What is he doing? Does he really think he can do anything to help Gladio when he's been through so much loss and pain? Loss and pain Ignis can't even fully comprehend because he hasn't lived it yet. Used to being teasingly called the group's mother, he suddenly feels like a lost child. So far back in the timeline. So much everyone else has lived through he hasn't.

Unconsciously, he wraps his arms around himself, fighting back a shiver. Every time he thinks he's found a way to drive back the helplessness that's been his constant companion since Altissia, it finds a way back into his heart and mind.

Would it be better of Gladio talked to Noctis about this? Noctis has been through it all. Died and come back by some strange twist of fate, but if Gladio won't burden Ignis with this, he knows the Shield will never burden his King with it either.

"Noct doesn't want any of us to die for him. You know that. Not even you; no matter what the role of Shield demands. He would rather we all lived for him instead."

"Doesn't mean Cor should've-" He cuts himself off again, shakes his head. He has to work at getting his emotions under control and a large part of that is seeing how upset Ignis is. He shouldn't have said anything, he didn't intend to so why did he open his stupid mouth.

"Ig..." There's a moment of hesitation, fear and uncertainty, and then he shifts the shield aside, holding his hand out to the other man. "C'mere." It was so fucked up, being so uncertain about something as simple as offering comfort. He hated that there was so much doubt when it came to Ignis. Sometimes, if he let himself forget, they could just be friends as though nothing had happened, just like the old days.

But there was so much history and it was all so charged. But none of it was Ignis' fault and Gladio tried, he was trying so hard, to give this man here with him a clean slate. He didn't want to blame him for the actions of a man he was not yet and may not ever be.

No one should have had to do anything in this stupid war!

It's the first angry thought that forces its way into Ignis' mind. Noctis shouldn't have to die. Neither should have Cor, Regis, Clarus, or any of the other thousands if not millions of innocents that were lost over the years of darkness. On top of that, Ardyn should never have been driven to the point he has been. He should not have been cast aside and so kindly nurtured into the madness that is his curse today. The man he was should never have been murdered by the Astrals and denied even basic human dignity afterward.

So many should nots. All of it Bahamut's fault.

Ignis says none of this to Gladio, though. Not yet. This isn't the time. Instead, he takes his friend's hand and allows himself to be pulled into those familiar comforting arms. Tears prick at his eyes again, but he does his best to hold them back. Whether they are tears of mourning for Cor or tears of frustration at his own helplessness, Ignis has cried enough today.

And, honestly, he has so much less right to cry than Gladio does.

"I'm sorry. I wish I knew how to lift some of this pain from your heart."

Gladio draws Ignis close, pulls him in so that he's sitting between his legs, Ignis' back to Gladio's chest. He lets his arms wrap around him, leans his cheek against blond hair darkened by water. It doesn't matter that they're wet and he's only half clean. It doesn't matter that everything is a godsdamned disaster right now.

What matters is that, despite all odds, they're here and they're together and Gladio doesn't ever want to let him go again. A gentle squeeze, one hand shifting down to curl his fingers around Iggy's. He can't bring himself to care how much he gives away in this moment, pressing another fleeting kiss to Ignis' hair.

"Me too..." The first admission that the burden he carries is that, at least, and he buries his face into Ignis shoulder. "Just stay."

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Anywhere the struggle is great

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[CW: Mention of burns]

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