I loved and I loved and I lost you

[achievementhunter]

Who: Chara and Wade (ishotyouuu)
What: They haven't seen him for days, now. It's time to face the facts.
When: December 1st
Where: Islet 2
Warnings: grieving.

[Sans' absence is notable. It's not something Chara can fail to notice; there's no distant rumble of his voice, at any time. They don't see him slipping in and out of the cottage he calls home, haven't heard word of him since the notice board went up, a lazily scrawled first just a glaring reminder that instinctively, they know there's been a change.

He could just be ill. He could be out on an expedition with some others, figuring out whatever it is he does when he thinks he'll get away with doing something. There's plenty of excuses they can make to themself, but-

But they stand in front of the cottage door for what feels like hours, one hand poised to knock. And they can't bring themself to do it.

They can't bring themself to face the inevitable.


...Which, in the end, is precisely why they knock, LOVE bubbling in the back of their throat as they step back and wait for some kind of answer. Someone who can tell them what really happened.

Someone has to know where he went.]

Comments

[ishotyouuu]

[He was fine as long as he kept moving.

As long as Wade kept busy, his feelings streamed out behind him like a large clump of seaweed, unable to touch him. It was only when he stopped for a moment that they surfaced, surrounding and choking and threatening to drag him under.

He quickly learned not to stop.

Sans's small garden turned out to be a godsend in that regard-- there was always weeds to pull or plants to water and fertilize, and the act of farming kept him preoccupied most of the time. By sheer happenstance, Kidwun happened to catch him just as he was finishing up, washing his hands in a basin of water set by the door. The knock fairly startles him out of his single-minded trance, and the look of confusion on his face when he opens the door and sees the small child standing there should indicate to Kidwun that he hadn't been expecting any visitors. Newt, after all, would've barged right in.]

...Hey there, kiddo. What's up?

[achievementhunter]

[At least they don't have to deal with anyone else. Chara's gaze quickly skirts across the room behind him, before they offer a thin smile.]

Hello, Wade.

[They



Haha. They were never good at this, were they? Approaching such things in a manner that wouldn't cut; a manner that didn't hurt anyone. They don't even know if there is such a thing- if there's some way in which they can start that would temper any harm to come.]

...I-





May I come in, for a moment?

[ishotyouuu]

[He almost says no. He wants so badly to say no, to tell them to come back some time later or not come back at all. If they had been Clem or Jessica or Beast Boy, he would have welcomed them with opened arms, secure in the knowledge that he would at least be comforted by their very presence if not their words. But he doesn't have the same rapport with this Kidwun the way he did with his friends from Haven, and their appearance at his door does nothing other than prove to him how alone he truly is now... and that maybe this is what he deserves.

Wade offers them a nod and a weak smile.]

Sure thing. Mi casa es su casa an' all that.

[Hopefully they'll never figure out how close Wade had been to turning them away.]

[achievementhunter]

[They take the offer before he can change his mind- rebuke the strange child who he doesn't know, randomly intruding upon his home. It's the largest building on the island, and yet... it seems very empty, right now.

They'd try not to think of why, but that's precisely why they're here. It doesn't stop Chara from searching the room for Tibia first, before turning to Wade and letting the question force it's way out before they can stop themself.]

Did Sans go home?

[ishotyouuu]

[It's the question he's been dreading for a long time, and the kid asks it bluntly, barreling through the social graces and dignity in the way that only a young child would. He flinches at the question, though he can't exactly fault the kid for asking, and tries his best to pass it off as little more than a shrug.]

Seems like it. Guess all this fresh air didn't agree with him.

[He huffs out a laugh, little more than an exhalation of breath, because if he doesn't find some way to loosen the tightness in his chest, he's pretty sure it'll shatter.]

[achievementhunter]

...I see.

[The conversation cuts off, for a moment. Chara closes their eyes slowly, breathes. Feels an ache, simply from that motion. That the very act of existing in such a manner is associated with him-

He would never know. He's gone, now. Back to a world where Chara never existed, and a happy ending was waiting.

It's all they ever wanted.]
[And yet all they want to do is scream.]

...Did he ever tell you about-

About the Underground, and the Barrier? Monsterkind, trapped underground for thousands of years.

[ishotyouuu]

[He doesn't want to be having this conversation. He doesn't want to talk about the skeleton that had kept him going for a full year; how he'd been so close to giving up before Sans approached him and gave him his trademark toothy grin.

He doesn't want to think about how he should have seen this coming. How everyone always leaves him, in the end.

Instead Wade sighs, and sinks down on one of the chairs at the kitchen table, doing his best to look anywhere but at this child.]

He told me a bit, yeah. The Cliff Notes version. Guess he must be back there now, yeah?

[achievementhunter]

I don't believe he is.

[It's difficult to admit, but they still find it easy enough to push out. Perhaps it's because of the way Wade's shoulders curve inwards, like there's a part of him curling into itself. Perhaps, it is because he isn't looking at them. Perhaps, they simply wish to shock him into meeting their gaze.

Or it's just easier to talk when they don't have to see his eyes, and the lack of recognition in them.]

There was one way to break the Barrier; I am- I cannot be entirely certain of this, but I believe it had already fallen, in the world Sans was from. He's going to see the sunlight, now. Stand on the edge of a cliff and take in his very first sunset.

He'll buy Papyrus the car he always wanted, and a little bike for himself. Monster currency is still gold; I'm sure he's comfortable beyond his wildest dreams.


[...]

Sans had a happily ever after to go back to. And that... I am completely certain of.

[Aren't you excited? Aren't you happy, Wade?


He's going to be free.]

[ishotyouuu]

[A happily ever after. After the horrific revelation of where people went in Haven-- you never went home, not really, you were just put on ice until they had a use for you again-- the idea that Sans would have a happier ending should have taken the sting out of his disappearance, at least a little. Wade knows he should be happy for the skeleton, that he's able to reunite with his younger brother and live out his days in relative comfort.

He doesn't feel happy. If anything, this information makes him feel worse.

It's fortunate that his body doesn't really do much to betray the way he's feeling right now-- he merely shifts where he sits, one arm wrapping around himself as if to shield himself from cold. He sniffs, his other hand rising to his face to pinch the bridge of his nose.]

That a fact? The ol' bonehead finally found a way out, huh. Guess I should be happy for him.

[His inner thoughts remain unspoken: This doesn't make me happy. Why does this not make me happy?]

[achievementhunter]

[He guesses he should be. And yet, they have the feeling that he isn't.

In part, they feel as if...they've failed, somewhat. Failed to make this even remotely easier for him, for themself. Quietly, they walk to a chair at the opposite side of the table, taking a seat as unobtrusively as possible. Pulling their knees up, they rest their chin atop them, arms wrapped about their legs in an almost... comforting gesture, or an attempt at one.]

I suppose we should.

[But if they have to be honest with themself

They aren't, either.]

[ishotyouuu]

[Wade manages to fight through his own feelings of loneliness and grief, of depression and self-loathing to see that the child is as unhappy about this conversation as he is. Something compels him to move; to edge closer to the child in an aborted attempt to comfort them, though he doesn't really understand his reason for doing so. It suddenly has become very important to emphasize that his dark mood is not the kid's fault.]

Hey. I'm sorry, kiddo. I know you're tryin' to help. And it's... it's good that Sans has a happy ending to look forward to, it really is. It helps, a little. It's just... he was my best friend, y'know. One of the good ones. It's... well. Just gonna make this place a little more drab now that he's gone.

Gonna miss his stupid puns, if I'm gonna be honest.

[His voice trembles a little, and he thanks the powers that be for small favors that it doesn't break completely.]

[achievementhunter]

[Wade confesses, with a wobbly tone and a vague attempt at cheering them up, that he'll miss Sans. He'll miss his best friend; he'll think about him, even as the months pass and the ache fades somewhat, he'll still think of him fondly.

In turn, Chara bites the inside of their cheek until they taste copper, just to push the laughter back down. Just to stop themself from screaming.

This, they realize with a rapidly blossoming sense of humor, was a mistake. It was a mistake to come here. It was a mistake, to think that they could contribute to his life in some, vaguely positive fashion- just a random child imparting a tiny snippet of comfort when he needed them

Hadn't Sans told them before? It was impossible for Wade not to be hurt, just by having them around.]

I understand. [An almost toneless response. They keep their hands tucked into their sleeves, hiding any motion in their fingers that would give them away in some fashion.]

When...

When he could be relied upon, there were few better.