lifeaftr | October Aftermath: Crystal Clear

October Aftermath: Crystal Clear

Who: All!
What: You're back, for better or worse. Time to recover.
When: Backdated to the 24th and beyond.
Where: The Monkey Compound, Islets, etc.
Warnings: Mark as you go.

No matter where you are on the morning of the 24th, things will very abruptly go dark.

Unless you're dead. In which case, things are already dark. And you do not see this.

For the rest of you, however, the Storyteller appears only briefly. Gone is their seemingly indifferent nature; as the rabbit hops too and throe, the pages of their tome flick back and forth in an erratic pattern, stopping on a blank page for only a moment, before continuing on. Despite the pages always turning in the one direction, there seems to be no end to them, not at all.

"I'll keep this brief, for the moment. All of you have now been removed from the caverns below," A haggard sigh- and a reluctant addition. "Those of you still alive.

"Your efforts have allowed me access to what lies below. I have sealed off the entrances- from now, the responsibility of cleaning up the mess is upon me."

And that appears to be it. Darkness returns, along with the sensation of lying upon the sand. Birds call out from the jungle, joining the rhythmic shift of the waves. No matter where you were on the island; underground, or above, you awaken upon the shoreline near the Storyteller's temple, along with the rest of the survivors.

"For what it is worth, I am truly sorry."

[[If you have yet to do so, make sure you confirm your character's death here!]]

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It's stronger. When she grasps her hand like that, when she holds on tight and Ren can't help to follow suit, it feels like there's no end. For a second, she thought something brighter was coming through, but it's abruptly crushed under the pressure of everything else. She doesn't understand why and even as she tries to study Lup's face, to get any indication of what might be the reason behind the ushered 'I'm sorry', she can't manage it.

Where's Taako? At a time like this, shouldn't he be here too?

"It's okay. Lup can cry. That kind of thing is okay." And she doesn't even know what's supposed to be. It's the only whispered words of her own she can offer, for a situation she knows nothing about. The ghosts that live only in her own heart come to mind and for a brief moment, she can remember similar looking children, in that same purple outfit they all shared, crying.

She thinks they used to do something. They used to hold hands when it hurt too much, so she clutches Lup's as tight as she can. Learned to use a special, kind language all their own to keep their childish secrets, so she takes the flower barrette out of her hair and if she's able, clips it against Lup's hair to make her prettier. They used to smile. Used to-

But Ren can't. It's obvious she tries, but it's a shaky, lackluster kind of smile that's hard to keep up when she's staring at someone with an expression that pained. "Did it...scare you? Down there? Is that why it hurts you?"

As always, Ren is so good, too good, trying her very best to help, to reassure, to let her cry. She must be so confused, so terrified to see Lup like this, a helpless mess almost incoherent with grief. But all she does is hold her hand tightly, reach out to her, all these things that Lup needs desperately not to lose herself right now. She shares her favorite flower and nestles it in her hair and she knows it's meant to be comforting, like every dumb rock Taako enchanted to glitter like diamonds when she was upset, like every time he cast Minor Illusion in some back alley to put them in the most outrageous clothes so they could pretend the world wasn't ugly and cruel. It's overwhelming, both the gesture and the memory, and another sob escapes her, a poor expression of her gratitude.

And Ren has no idea why this is happening. How much did she even get wind of, down there, was she able to stay away from all of it? Only to have it dumped on her like this by, by someone who should be doing better. Lup draws a shaky breath like she's trying to compose herself, but it all falls apart again with a wet, bitter chuckle. "Yeah it-- I got really scared. And... And I'm scared now because--" God, how can she tell Ren what happened? She's going to be devastated too. And it feels wrong to admit her fear, it's not like her to be afraid, it's easier to push fear aside or laugh in its face, but not this time. She is so, so scared of the loneliness she knows is only going to get more unbearable with each passing day.

She seeks out Ren's other hand like she's drowning, holding on as much as she can as the words and more tears finally pour out of her. "Because Taako didn't-- he couldn't come back with me and I don't know how long I-- how long we'll have to wait for him..."

A flower can't save Lup. The pieces fit together so neatly when the reason comes out-the reason her heart aches and why everything is reaching out in a way that crushes her. He couldn't come back and that's all Ren needs to hear to come to the brutal realization there's absolutely nothing she can do. All she can do is hold her hands. For as long as she can, as long as she needs, and until Taako is able to take her place and make all that hurt go away.

It feels wrong to say anything at that point. It's agonizing to think about Taako, cooking and sleeping in hammocks and being covered in flowers that made him look pretty. And when she tries to push the memory away, to form some kind of coherent anything to respond to Lup with, she thinks about sitting behind him, hidden by a palm leaf, in ruins that felt far too cold until he started talking to her. You don't have to be alone is one of first things he said to her and now his sister is left without him, lost and grasping at the only pair of hands that remain at this camp. She's not who Lup's looking for, but it's all she can do. All she can offer. Tears sting the corners of her eyes and she can feel a swell of emotion that's only hers. A drop compared to who's in front of her, but it hurts all the same.

"It's-" Not okay. Nothing makes it okay. He's not here. He's in a dark cave, hiding like he's playing jungle games with his family and a gremlin girl, waiting for them to find him behind the bushes and trees and rocks and-

She doesn't want to think about it anymore.

"Taako's kind heart knows that people don't want to be alone," She blinks and whatever tears vanish with that come back almost immediately. Her voice is quiet. Shaky. "He knows that Lup is waiting for him. He'll come back very soon."

Taako's kind heart. Ren says it in her childishly honest, straightforward way, like it's a well known fact, and yet it's not something Lup's ever heard from anyone else. For all the ways he has of showing his kindness and care, giving advice, preparing food just how you like it, just when you need it, making you laugh when you feel like you'll never laugh again, not even their family would think to call him kind. But this girl saw all that and understood, because she doesn't need words for that sort of thing. To know that someone else recognizes and values this unseen part of her brother makes her heart swell and break at the same time.

Taako's kind heart knows loneliness and wouldn't want this for them.

It's too much, for her and for Ren too, trying so hard now not to cry. Lup wishes she could do better than this, be stronger for this extraordinary child they've decided to look out for, but all she has left in her is grief and regret. Helplessness that makes her sick in all its familiarity. She can't tell if it's any better than the bitter detachment she'd locked herself into in the caves, but she doesn't want to go back to being nothing either. So all she can think to do now is to reach out, let go of Ren's hands to wrap her arms around her shoulders and pull her closer, gentle despite the flood of emotions wracking her. "He's got to," she agrees in a choked, incongruous laugh, like he knows she's gonna kick his ass if he doesn't come home soon. "We need him here." God, she hopes he knows that too.

It scares her when Lup lets go. A jolt runs through her whole body because she doesn't know what's going to happen next and if she can't hold her hand, then Ren doesn't know how to help. What else could she possibly do in the absence of her brother other than offer a warm hand to hold. It's a short lived fear because in the seconds that follow, she finds herself in a warm embrace and it reminds her so vividly of something Seto would do-had done-

When he was terrified. When he pulled her into his arms in a hold so tight she couldn't breathe and-

It's nice.

She doesn't cry, but for a short moment she relishes this temporary comfort that Lup is offering by pressing her face into her shoulder to hide. She wants to shut her eyes and pretend like she's behind a rock. There had been nowhere to hide in that basecamp, the openness of it bothering her from day one. The darkness couldn't hide them from the disease lurking around every corner and she's tired from running from a danger no one could see until it was too late. And it's safe right now, with Lup as a rock. A warm rock that Ren wishes she could push her feelings on right now. It's a trait of the elves, a show of great kindness, for her to offer this when all Ren can feel is agony seeping from every part of her.

It's just too kind. To turn that 'me' into 'we', despite her not being an elf. Despite her not playing their long hide and seek game with them in the years before they arrived on this island.

The sound of her laugh, pained as it is, is a welcome noise. It's different. A shift towards something that might be better. Something that could give her heart a reprieve from the torment. Even if it helps for a second, it would make that the best sound she's ever heard. Nothing changes, but-

"We need him here." She repeats quietly into Lup's shoulder. Because his sister needs him. Because she thinks, somehow, caves aren't enough to keep them apart for long. It wouldn't be enough to keep her and Seto separated. Until Taako strays from his hiding place and allows the Storyteller to take him out of the caves, there's not much she can do except-

"I have something for Lup. To make your heart hurt less."

It does help, to hold onto someone, even if Ren isn't the perfect shape for holding the way her twin is. It means she's not alone, despite everything, and it's something to do for Ren too, small though it is in the face of their grief. But that's always the way with loss, isn't it. Nothing can ever be enough. The world is still empty now.

She cradles her carefully, welcomes her face pressed into her shoulder for protection, and lets a few of her own tears soak into that silver hair. In time, the flow of tears becomes a trickle, and she can finally breathe around the burning wound in her heart, her missing half. It's exhaustion more than anything, and it feels like a fragile reprieve, like she could be shattered again at any moment, but it's something.

At Ren's words, she shifts just enough to see her face, still keeping her close. "Already got your flower, sweetheart," she says and she can't smile but her eyes are soft. "What else could there be?"

In truth, Ren knows this won't help in the long run. It's nothing more than a buffer for the grief that will plague her until he returns. Something to temporarily ease the painful ache in her heart. He isn't dead-just lost. And she wants to offer her solace in the fact Seto's lost too. Maybe in the same caves. More than anything, she wants to tell her about his numerous flashlights and sticks and let her know there's a boy out there that will find her brother if he's in there. That will protect him with the same bravery and care he had offered her all those months ago.

They just have to wait. And wait. For however long it takes. But the words fall flat on her tongue the moment she tries to speak up. How can she offer that sort of comfort when she isn't sure about his whereabouts? When she doesn't know if he's even on the island and-

She doesn't want to think about that either.

One thing is certain-Lup has first dibs on Ren's special brand of help. It would be easier to accomplish her grand master plan if she would move out of Lup's grasp. But it's hard. She doesn't want to and the what else could there be is met with a momentary silence. Until she looks at her exhausted face-knows that only moments ago tears were pouring down her cheeks and-

Lup gave her an opportunity to rest, despite her aching heart, and that look is all it takes to put her back on track.

"You have to do this first." And finally, she straightens up and pushes back against the hold, not moving to stand or do anything outside of demonstrate exactly how Lup needs to do this. And what vital, important steps are there to this relief spell? She extends both her arms to either side of her, stretching them as far as they go. As if she were about to create a snow angel in the air. "It's like that. It won't hurt you."

And back down her arms go, already shifting to pull her bag around her body to rest between them. It's clear she's about to dig in by the way her fingers hover over the opening and she looks to Lup, waiting for her to follow her careful instructions. Instead of any explanation for what dumbassery is about to follow, all Ren offers is a-"It's not scary. It's okay."

She's reluctant to let go too, to give up the solidity and warmth of the girl in her arms, the sense of shared grief and comfort that's a better reminder of Taako's existence than any trinkets of his would have been. But Ren has something she wants to do, for her, and underneath all the numb agony and exhaustion there's a tiny spark of curiosity, and affection that's wholly for Ren. What's her lil goblin up to?

So Lup lets her pull back, wipes weakly at her eyes with a sleeve to get a better look at her demonstration. Doesn't clear up a whole lot, does it. The reassurance is... a lot, on a normal day it would be sweet and a little bit amusing in its unexpectedness, being so unnecessary. But now, so much kindness is almost hard to bear in a way, after the cruelty, the horrors and misery she had to witness and live through herself. Hard to imagine that's all over and left behind, when the consequences are gonna keep eating her alive for who knows how long. That there's any goodness left, up here. She really wishes she could smile anyway, express to Ren the love she deserves in return. But the best she can do is to nod and spread out her arms as instructed, too tired to worry about the faint spray of dried bloodstains on her shirt becoming more visible. What she can do, though, is to sound calm and certain. "I know it's okay. I trust you."

The blood is easy to spot and her eyes fall to it the second it visibly shows. She doesn't say a word, but it does deter her from her mission for a moment. Because she's not sure whose blood it is. And her first instinct is to ask if it hurts and does this hurt you too and an innumerable number of things that likely wouldn't have a good answer. One that might make her grief surge back. It makes her fingers still in her bag, until she's sure the blood spots aren't getting darker with her movements. Aren't actual wounds under that clothing that need bandages and other things she just doesn't have.

With the onslaught of every other thought on her mind, she almost misses I trust you. It-

Makes her focus. She doesn't have bandages for her body or her heart. But there's definitely something she can do. Because Lup trusts her. Because she's the first one to ever say I trust you and that echoes in her mind, makes her grip something as tight as she can in the depths of her bag.

Because she definitely trusts her too. Trusts Taako. Trusts the Storyteller enough to find the elf still hiding in those caverns and bring him out soon. But she says none of that and keeps it tucked away for another day, another time, when she isn't worried about pain consuming the woman in front of her.

And with that, Ren digs out the mystery cure all-her gross, tattered up flower printed yukata she had been wearing when they met. And if Lup lets her, she's going to try to put it on her. Push one dirty sleeve around her arm and-

Well. For as long as the garment is, there's a notable difference in size between an adult woman and an apocalypse survivor. It's not going to fit Lup the same way it does on her and she pulls it away from the first arm. Freeing this poor woman from this gross child for just a second because-

Again, if Lup lets her, she's going to lean forward and pull it around her from behind so a majority of the dress falls against her back and over her shoulders. Then loosely knots the sleeves around her neck, for her to tighten or undo as she needs to. At least she didn't choke her. That's always a plus.

Congrats. You've acquired +1 dirty flower cape.

"This will keep you very warm. It feels like a hug." When it's a dress. Capes will work the same way, she's sure, and she fluffs the edges around her shoulders to cover the bloodstains. "You can wear this special thing until Taako can hug you again."

Lup notices that moment of hesitation and follows Ren's gaze to... the bloodstains. Nothing more than a couple of droplets across her chest and a faint smear a little further down, but it's enough to put the taste of bile in her mouth. Taako, he'd been-- coughing, and there'd been sharp edges pressing into her side when she held him, crystals shredding his skin, his throat, with unbearable slowness-- God she needs to get this off, wash it away somehow, like she needed another reminder of his suffering--

But before she can scrabble at the buttons or curl back into herself to hide the stains from view, Ren has something big and flowery in her hands and is trying to shove it up her arm? It's the tattered robe she used to wear before the poncho was a thing, Lup realizes through the fading burst of horror. One of the few things Ren has from her previous world, like the hair clip, another treasure. Lup is stunned while the girl makes another attempt at putting it on her, then drapes it around her shoulders, secures it with a knot.

Her hands are shaking as she gingerly touches the sleeves dangling over her chest, looks down at the pretty fabric now hiding the bloodstains. She carefully grabs the edges at her sides and pulls them in a little closer, like a hug. It's, maybe it's just some old fabric, maybe it's ridiculous to think it could ease any kind of grief, let alone this. But it's Ren's special thing, gifted to her until, until Taako can hug her again. Fresh tears well up in her eyes and she's so sorry, but this time there's something like a smile, too. "I-- Thank you, lil sis. I'll take good care of it. He's... he's gonna be so jealous, when he gets back." And in this moment, it feels like she won't have to bear the wait alone.

"...lil sis"

Those words strike her soul like a bolt of lightning and a mixture of happiness and terror runs through her. It stills her hands on the folds of the flower patterned dress and makes her think-

please save me

Because words are the treasures she finds when she's with Lup and they feel like a special kind of magic that could save her. They sound so kind that she wishes they were tangible enough to shove into the folds of her bag, next to her medicine, next to-

The reason she knows she can't linger on those grief covered words too long. Because the only reason she wakes up is because of the medicine and she wishes hearing lil sis again and again could be the reason instead. She wants to hear it for years and years, to feel that tingle of happiness. Of warmth. The same feeling she gets from looking into Seto's eyes. They're magic. Her voice is magic. Her words could enchant her medicine and help her live, maybe, if she could muster up the courage to say I'm going to die.

That's right. She's going to die. And there are no magic words that'll change that.

But Lup doesn't know. If she did-those words wouldn't have come out of her mouth at all. Lil sis would have been replaced with you're suitable because she's good for projects and not families. She's not supposed to have a family. She's supposed to be shoved into a tube and connect hearts and at no point did she think the words lil sis would come out of someone's mouth and-

There are tears in her eyes again before she can even register how jealous Taako's going to be of the treasure Lup gets to borrow. She has to push the words that connect her to this family down, far down, and pretend it was a moment of happiness that forced Lup to say that to her. She can't fixate on it and repeat it again and again in her head. Can't let it set a fire in her heart that makes her feel more alive than she's ever felt before.

Taako's so lucky to have someone like her. When he finds his way out of the caves and hugs his sister, she's going to have to listen and watch the expression on his face if she throws a lil bro his way.

There's a stammer in her voice, shock evident from what Lup had said before, no matter how she tries to hide by shoving her face against Lup's shoulder.

"Do you...," Her fingers curl into the fabric, voice muffled but still audible. "We can find Taako a special treasure too. We can give him something pretty. I'll look for that until he comes home."

God, she hadn't meant to make her cry but at the same time it feels like there's just, nothing to do but to cry, loss and pain consuming everything and Lup gets it, or thinks she does anyway. Ren's been so, so good, so brave and kind, and it's okay for her to hurt too much with Taako's absence to keep it together. She curls around her shaking shoulders, holds her as close as she can and rubs her back comfortingly, though her own hands are trembling too and fresh tears are running down her face.

until he comes home and she chokes back a sob into a whimper, that horrible thought clawing at her mind, when when whenwhenwhen, the not knowing crashing over her like a wave. When will he come home, when will she be whole again, hold his hand and laugh, when will he grin and goof around with Ren again with a softness in his eyes that she doesn't think she's ever really seen before. When is it gonna stop feeling like this?

But he will, she has to believe that and she presses her cheek against Ren's hair and nods, reassurance for both of them. "Please do," she says, voice thick with grief, desperate to cling to this idea of what it'll be like when he comes back. "He'll-- he'll love that." Because he loves you is drowned in another strangled sob as she tries to picture his face when Ren offers him such a special treasure. "And it'll help him know how much we've missed him." Please, let it be soon.

The way Lup's fingers tremble against her back makes her wish she could be braver, stronger-anything. Anything that wasn't who she was now, so she could reach around to hold her hands and keep them from shaking that way. But it's too hard when she can't clear the fog from her eyes and her only thoughts are wait and hide. Because that's what she's always done. Because when she's alone, that's what she has to do. Wait and hide and search for treasure to warm her heart when everything around her gets too much.

But she's not alone anymore. Something she's reminded of again when Lup continues talking about her brother-when the grief in her words spills over and reaches her own heart. She can't shove her head into her knees and cry and ignore the world around her because these two elves are her world. A bright light in her life that makes her want to look up and, for once, not hide away.

And for someone like that, a person who calls her lil sis so casually, she can-

Lup seems like the kind of person that doesn't ever hide-she's too brave. So Ren doesn't really ask because it's something she'll have to show her anyway. It takes a moment for her to willingly let go, but she unlatches herself from the fabric, raising her hands up towards Lup's head and, if she lets her, she's going to start, essentially, petting her. Smoothing her hair down with her hands because she's not sure how to react other than what would a cat want? and after a few moments, tries to gently guide Lup's face to rest against her shoulder. It's an opportunity, if she wants to take it, because she deserves to hide too. Just like Ren has this entire time.

"You can hide. I'll-I can do that for you. You can hide and cry for a long time. It's okay," And when she's done hiding, Ren can begin her hunt for special treasures-a matching pair of some kind of garbage for both the twins, because she knows it'll mean more that way. "You can shut your eyes-I'll make sure nothing scary gets you."

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October Aftermath: Crystal Clear

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