August Intro: You Think...You Wink...You Do A Double Blink...

[lifeaftr_mods]

INTRO LOG: AUGUST

Who: Everyone!
What: New souls arrive to the archipelago of LifeAftr.
When: August 3rd
Where: Ensō
Warnings: Mark as needed!

Part I: Get Wrekt
You rouse to a splash of sea salt drying on your skin. A haze of glass-white sand glitters in your vision, dappled by lush palms and thick, curling foliage that disappears into a jungle of deep jade. From behind, crackling wood and sawing rope groan from a mangled life raft ran ashore. A petering wash of tide over pebbled sand fills your ears as you struggle to gain your bearings in a vast portrait of tropical color…

No...no, no, that’s not precisely how this story starts.

Why don't we start over?

You rouse to a splash of sea salt, spraying across yourself and the wooden floor beneath you as it breaks across the edge of the platform. The light as it dances across the sea is blinding, dappling white spots across your vision as you slowly come back to consciousness and realize that - this is not where you last remember being.

The middle of the ocean is likely not a place most recall being at all. As you struggle to fully comprehend the new scenario in which you have found yourself, three things become quickly apparent. The raft you find yourself upon barely constitutes as something that should float, never mind a boat. In the distance, perhaps a few hours away at most, a large island beckons to you, a wide strip of beach surrounded by cliffs making it very clear where the most fortuitous of directions shall be.

Lastly, of course, you’re not alone. Hopefully your new companion(s) are just as keen to get ashore before nightfall as you, or voyaging together will not be the most positive experience. At your side you will find a knapsack, one to every member of your raft party, and upon inspecting its contents, you will discover any rewards you may have accrued - as well as a few other items to give you a fighting chance.

A note to those who participated in the Test Drive Meme: those threads, if all parties involved would like, can be game canon in the form of dream-like memories involving a place very much like this one, though the layout is considerably different.

Part II: Choose Your Own Adventure

By fortune (or misfortune, as it were), you eventually find your feet meeting sand, blessed shore to stagger upon as you shake off your newly found sea-legs. There are those that may find this place familiar, as though it appeared in a dream, though the expanse of shore certainly seems larger. The beach stretches off into the distance on both sides, curving around sharp ridges and cliffs, mist obscuring the view the farther along it goes.

So here you are. You’ve found land. Company. Supplies. The sun is now beginning to trek rather low upon the horizon…spending the night outside in such an unfamiliar land is unappealing at best and outright dangerous at the worst.

There is one silver lining in the midst of this mess. Directly ahead, the beach curves up a gentle slope until it meets forest, some manner of building visible through the trees. Further exploration of this area will reveal a dilapidated building of sorts; the architecture is indiscernible to even the most skilled eye. Despite looking as if it has seen better days, there are areas that offer some form of shelter...and who knows what else. Just because it appears uninhabited doesn’t mean you won’t wind up pleasantly, or unpleasantly, surprised.



So what shall you do from here, traveller? There is land to be explored, strangers to meet, friends to reunite with. Supplies to inspect and plenty of questions in need of being said aloud. Choose your path, make haste, and above all else: survive. And whatever you will, take heart.

Your story is about to begin anew.

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Feeling a tad adrift? Make sure to check the Locations Page, which has details regarding the starting areas and a handy map for those who feel better with a bird's eye view!

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LOGS ● OOC ● STORIES ● MAIN NAVIGATION

( CODED BY BOOTYCALL )

Comments

[hellawrath]

For a moment there he really does look like he's about to go to his own funeral and it's kind of really awful. Being cut off from her magic is terrifying as hell, but she's ready to fistfight whoever is responsible, she doesn't give a fuck. All she needs is a nap and this island is going down. He, though, he takes things more to heart than people ever get, always has.

But he wouldn't be her goof of a brother if he didn't have some dumb shit to say instead of letting just any old obstacle get the best of him, and when he sits down she feels herself relax. "Yeah I know," comes the simple truth, and she gives his hat an affectionate flick of a finger before turning back to the trees. "Here lies Taako Tacco," she proclaims with absolute gravity, "he died as he lived - fondling a stranger's stones." And she walks off, whistling some kind of funeral march as she goes, though one ear remains rotated back to pick up on any telltale wizard swears or sounds of fainting.

taako adventurezone found dead in miami

[ohshitsweetflips]

"Yeah whatever, can't hear you over how much I wish I were still an only child," he times his comeback so she's just close enough to out of earshot he can get in the last word. It's an artform, and he's still got it. He lets her continue out of range, while he painstakingly piles rocks into a rough bowl shape. It shouldn't be necessary, he should be able to stack them into a fuckin zen garden flipping the universe a hard stony bird, but he doesn't think he should push any envelopes just now. He feels like he should maybe mutter something inspirational, and stifles what is probably an emotionally overstimulated laugh at the idea. Life closes a door, you open it right the fuck back up, because that's how doors work. That's what he's doing. He rubs his hands together around the shitty wand and tries his first Fabricate of the night.

And oof, is it brutal. But at least it works, after a heart-dropping moment where nothing responds, just cosmic dial tone. The relief he feels is overwhelming but shortlived. This is, shit, it's a lot of rocks, maybe he was overzealous in his estimation? There's a lot of backtalk, magically speaking. Gaps that refuse to close until he's grit his teeth and bent his will on them like a blowtorch, breaking out in a sweat that instantly chills, leaving him clammy and shaking. It would be embarrassing, if he weren't just so done, just completely over this fucking island and its magical limitations. There's a reason this is a level 4 spell, and this is ten minutes of his life he'd drink acid to avoid having to repeat.

Unfortunately, repeating it is exactly what he has to do next, now he has a bowl. A very large bowl, and definitely falling well short of artisanal. 'Rustic' would be an undeserved compliment, he thinks, out of breath and listening to his heart hammer in his ears. Probably the smart thing to do would be to rest before jumping back into it. But it's been a long day and this needs to be over, they need to get on with things, and they don't have time for him to fuck around. It's down to him, but he's not the only one who needs this to work. He gets to his feet, and though he feels like a pile of loose string he shoots Lup a thumbs up, hoping she can't see his legs shaking. Taako's good, stay out of his way.

He fills his new bowl with the cleanest sea water he can manage, and he really wasn't kidding about how instrumental Lup is gonna be in getting his bad boy back to the fire. Was water always this heavy? He is so tired his brain feels foreign, even moreso than just having a bunch of new old stuff shoved into it can explain. He gets clear of the waterline and sits back down, full of dread.

This cast is easier, at least at first, though it requires something like more precision to remove salt from sea water than to squoosh rocks around. Taako has one hand stuck in the bowl, and a crystal of rock salt starts to take shape in it. The resistance doesn't pick up immediately, and it's very gradual, but it's hard to miss over time; the water is slowly heating up, in protest. It isn't bad, yet, and he knows enough about the properties of water to know it won't boil before he's done at this rate. It is going to get less pleasant, though, for sure, and he tries any trick of concentration or cajoling he can to offload some of the resistance even as his head swims.

It is a grim ten minutes, but the result is a stupidly large bowl of unpleasantly hot but desalinated water. He doesn't even remember to worry about its trustworthiness, this is a different game, and he's won it. Taako gets to back on his feet, wobbly but triumphant, and promptly fails a Con save, salt rock still clutched in one fist. With a vehemently hissed swear, his vision tunnels and then goes black.

[hellawrath]

It's a good thing he waited with that comeback until she's that far away, because he won't be able to see her step falter for just a second. Still an only child. It's just a stupid joke, and she knows that, but it's the wording of it that totally blindsides her, like a knife to the back. He never was an only child, but in his mind there's a version of him that was, and for ten years that was the only version of him out there, fighting for himself, having always done so, never looking for or even missing her. And she just got a glimpse of that version again, even though she's right here, now. And what is she, when she's not reflected in her twin? A fading ghost of someone who never existed.

It's a tired road to go down, one she's already plenty worn out a couple times, and she thinks of putting everything she had, everything she still was, into screaming for him, clear as day, only to be met with utter... nothing. Couldn't even say her name, didn't even know it was a name. There might as well have been nothing left of her after that. But it's a worn road and a stupid joke and they both still have a lot to do. He is doing his part and she's determined to do the same. She is here now and she won't ever let him forget it. When she catches a thumbs up out of the corner of her eye, she returns it without hesitation, hoping he can't see that she's not smiling.

They've got a bowl now, that really is good news, and boy have their standards reached an all time low. At least the magic in this place got its shit together long enough not to completely wreck her brother and their first night back together. She knew he could do it, anyway. So she starts picking up firewood with a little more vigor, arching a wide path back to what's left of her fire, mentally calculating how much longer she needs to stay out of Taako's hair. By the time she drops a respectable pile of wood by the cinders, she's got about a hot minute to shake out her aching arms before she hears a hiss and a doughy thud and all she can see in the distance is a huge bowl and an only slightly bigger pile of clothes. Oh fuck.

Lup sprints over to him and tries very hard not to wonder if you can die from magical exhaustion in this dumpster plane in the minute it takes to get to his side. Thanks for putting that horrifying idea on her mind in the first place, bro, really appreciated! Wow he looks like shit, just literally ate dirt here, but when she rolls him over and carefully rests his head in her lap, she can see he's breathing. Joke's on you, every muscle in her body, she was already sitting down. "Taako, those would've been terrible last words," she mutters, voice strained and pitch dreadfully out of control, as she brushes hair from his face and takes off his hat like it's restricting airflow. You never know, with that thing. "You can do better than that, c'mon. I'm not drinking all of this on my own."

[ohshitsweetflips]

It's alright, he just needed a lil break. Just like, a power nap. Clear out the ol' acetylcholine. Also, can he just reiterate, fuck this island. Taako makes a kind of wavery, indistinct sound as he is reasonably sure he exists again. "You warned me," he croaks. There is literal sand in his mouth, and he doesn't even care. Well, he cares a lot, but he's not getting up. Getting up was the mistake he made in the first place, and not chain-Fabricating his ass into a dirt nap. "Sack of potatoes," is his second contribution, but he's working on it. "'S fine. 'M fine." He may have lost sight of consciousness, but not their mission. More specifically, his particular subsection of the mission, which he has successfully completed, except for one critical step.

With a huff of effort, Taako stands up, careful not to lock his knees, and doesn't pass out this time, which is great. Also could they like, never speak of that having happened, because it was super dumb. It's hard to tell what of his demeanor is embarrassment and what is just straight up exhaustion. He pockets the stupid salt rock and scoops up some of the still grossly hot water, rinsing his mouth out. He drinks three more double-handfuls and it doesn't feel like it's ever going to be enough. It is pretty disgusting in terms of temperature, but definitely potable, and no way was he gonna let her get to it first, for more than just shitty sibling reasons. Still, against all odds, with weirdly unstable magic and fatigue and a busted starter wand, he thinks this is probably fine. "That wasn't fine, it was terrible. I think I'm done." It's not vitriolic or even particularly complaintive, he is stating a fact and that fact is that he cannot do Any More Magic without a serious recharge. "Nearly made hand soup. You gotta do me a favor and blow up this island."

[hellawrath]

Yeah none of that was fine, she can agree pretty unreservedly with that. Also, holy shit Taako leave some of that water for the rest of us. Now that he's no longer actively dying, the bowl and its content immediately skyrocket to number one on her list of priorities and she barely manages to wait for him to finish. Can she just dunk her entire face in it to drink or would that be gross? Well, maybe he's earned her showing a little restraint, just this once. So she gulps down single handfuls like a normal person and it's disgusting but also the best thing she's ever tasted, shit, having a body is so dope.

"Only if you make cold water next time," she grins up at him and hopes he knows how relieved and grateful she is. She really has the raddest brother, people don't even know. And yes, obviously this island isn't gonna be standing for long, not after the horrorshow it's just put them through. But that's one for tomorrow's to-do list. She finally gets to her feet too, stuffs the birds into her knapsack and puts it on, then looks him up and down before handing him his empty one. Look, she's not gonna drag him for this, but she still has to check if he seems like he's going to fold like a shitty tent in the breeze again. With a truly monumental sigh, she wraps her arms around the bowl and lifts it up, taking care to make plenty of groany suffering sounds. "Hey so like, did we need a bowl that's visible from orbit, or did you just really want to give me a hernia?"

[ohshitsweetflips]

She's already got some shit to say about his bowl, fuck off, Taako rolls his eyes as he trails after her tiredly. Whatever, that's better than her obvious triage scan to make sure he's not gonna faceplant again on the way. He's pretty sure he isn't? The water helps a lot. Though she can for damn sure chill it herself next time if she's picky. If she can, which is a thought that invokes less fun-sibling-rivalry and more exhausted-dread. "It's better to have and not need, than need and not have," he intones. "Maybe you're just out of practice. Doesn't look that heavy to me." Do you even lift, sis. He's reasonably sure he's too recently unconscious to be hit, and her hands won't be free for a minute anyway.

"I'm gonna market this, fantasy Rachael Ray has nothin on me, she's on the money calling her bowl garbage. This is a miracle bowl. Taako's Miracle Bowl, how's that sound." He's rambling easily, still warmed if fatigued by his triumph. Their triumph, they have really gotten back on the adventure lifestyle horse, and it still feels pretty good, pretty reassuring. Don't get it wrong, this island is definitely bullshit, and has a lot to answer for. But if this is the worst it's got, they have this in the bag. He has too much re-discovered faith in her to feel otherwise. And it might take some creativity, but he can carry his end, too. Maybe space the casting out a bit more, in the future. Maybe sleep for like a year. But they got this. "We're crushing it so far, Lup. I mean it."

[hellawrath]

The trek back to what has inadvertently become their camp is somehow much longer hauling a huge bowl of water around than when she was running the distance fueled by rising panic. Fancy that. So his easy rambling is a welcome distraction from her aching arms and dragging feet and she lets it wash over her, even allowing him to get away with that rude dig at her lifting skills. Whatever, fainting boys can have immunity until she puts the bowl down.

"Of course we are, babe," she replies with the flippant confidence that's almost a reflex to any kind of challenge or threat, the one that was born out of fake-it-till-you-make-it until they got powerful enough to back their shit up. But that's not what he meant, she realizes a second later, and being powerful is no longer a matter of course. She glances back with a genuine if tired smile. "Mostly you are, unless those McNuggets still got some meat on them under that crispy shell. Told ya." Dopest transmutation wizard, etc. Aaand she's just gonna drop his miracle right here, and like, never move it again. She gracelessly flicks another Fire Bolt into the embers and immediately plops down hard in the sand because maybe she should have just blown on them instead, whatever, this is bullshit and also still fine, she was sitting down anyway.

[ohshitsweetflips]

Don't think he didn't see that, Lup. Learned chill in the umbrella my ass, she hasn't learned a dang thing, he literally just collapsed from doing too much magic and she's still chucking spells for no damn reason like an asshole. Can she maybe fight her own ass later instead of in a survival situation. But she did just say a nice thing so it can't be Lup-scolding time yet. Taako just sighs and starts adding wood to the fire instead. "And this island knows it, too. Why do you think I showed up without the Krebstar? Taako got nerfed in the update." And this new map blows. They both got hosed, for sure, and wouldn't their lives have been easier if that weren't the case. Such a shame they're just cosmically OP.

Taako scoots the Miracle Bowl (tm) so it's butting into the fire just about, and kneels by it with the birds, managing to only grimace at them a little bit. "Been awhile since I had to go full struggle meal like this," he says a little grimly by way of preemptive apology, and he only realizes too late, he could have said 'we.' The umbrella prooooobably did not come furnished with a kitchen. "Can you maybe chuck me that knife, or did you want me to use my hands like a barbarian?"

[hellawrath]

You know what, shut up is what, so sue her for forgetting that she can't throw a freaking cantrip around here without getting punched in the hit points. It's a cantrip, god this blows. She rubs at her face with her palms and this time there's not much mental energy left for appreciating his rambling. Maybe water will help, so she drinks a few more handfuls before it can get even hotter, gross.

She's too frazzled to pinpoint it but something about what he says next makes her bristle, hard, and she snatches a bird from his hands without meeting his eyes. "These suckers are on me, how about you let me deal with them. Take a break, will ya?" What, does he think she's forgotten how to cut up mystery chicken? Maybe that's what hurt. She turns the other way to grab the knife from their pile and starts prodding and pulling at various bits of the charred carcass to determine how much there is to even salvage.

[ohshitsweetflips]

"Okay, Lup." He hates hearing bewilderment in his own voice. Yeah, 'take a break' isn't really what he's taking away from her attitude, even if it's what she said. That's more lashing out than he can let roll off easily with a casual ear flick and averted eyes, he looks resentful and chastened in equal parts.

You know, it isn't like he's trying to make her feel bad. And it's not like he chose to forget, he's not just super into having basically two sets of memories and sometimes having the wrong ones at the forefront of his mind. It's not like he had a say in her disappearing in the first place, he thinks, in a small, angry, scrabbling part of his brain that he refuses to let take the speaking-reins.

He knows he's stepping in it, with his stupid hangups and his stupider words, this time he did realize, only just too late. There's not anything funny he can say to divert this pall of negative emotion that blew in on their camp and it settles on him like a lead blanket. The weight is so oppressive he can't stand it, an itch of panic at his own helplessness.

He can't afford to lash out, and he can't play some kind of 'bigger person' card, because he knows that's the same thing. He can't even just ask her not to do this, stifle her feelings for his sake, admit that he's hurt, because that's going to hurt her too. This is a shitty feedback loop, he doesn't remember how to do this, there's probably some day-saving knack to this that he's just too tired and messed up to remember, that should have been in his repertoire all along. When he speaks again it's like that weight is squeezing the words out of him.

"We can't do this," he says, completely toneless, and it's unclear if he's just re-evaluated their island situation or just specifically the fight she's helplessly offering. What can he even offer in return? "This is," horrible, awful, a new-old vulnerability that has his brain blaring alarms, "This is a dumpster dinner." He gestures, encompassing not just their literal trash meal and their island adventure but their whole. Thing. All the things, where they're at as people, together again. "I think I'm too tired for pride. Think I'm clocking in at a solid sloth with a hint of coveting trashbird soup." Look, look at what all he can remember, okay? "How 'bout you. Thoughts?" The tonelessness is seeping out of his words, and being replaced by desperation he hadn't wanted to bring to bear.

[hellawrath]

None of this is right, feels right, the confused, wounded surrender in his voice, and she hadn't meant it so harshly, what the fuck is wrong with her. But all she knows to do with this is to clamp down on it, ears pinned back and shoulders hunched defensively as she starts cutting a drumstick free. The silence stretches on and it's making her want to bolt and lash out at the same time, it's like she's getting strangled by it. After all that time without him, without her, how can there be silence now? How could there ever be silence again between them, stifling like black curtains.

He says 'we' and that's when it clicks, the thing that stung and will keep stinging for a while yet. He goes on in that awful small tone of his and her hands stop their work, all purpose drained out of her. They can't do this, he says and she has to swallow a horrible sudden spike of something like panic that she doesn't even dare to unpack. He means their pitiful food situation, and the silence, her harshness, and the need in him for her to do something, to lead them out of this is so obvious it makes her ache. Her mouth is dry and her ears are trembling as she very carefully lays down her work to reach over and put a hand on his, carding her fingers through his and holding on for dear life.

"I think," she tries, voice strained with the effort of keeping steady, and eyes fixed on the fire, "I think I missed you with, with all of my heart. I think you're the reason I'm still here at all. And I'm--" Scared, of the distance, of being forgotten, of not being a part of him in equal measure any longer. But the word won't come out, she can't let him see, never could. She's the brave one, the optimistic one, with confidence enough for both of them. It's how they grew, together, and it hasn't been an act in so, so many years. But she still remembers how to do it even when it is, and she fiercely blinks against her stinging eyes. "We're together and nothing's gonna change that ever again. That's all that matters." And believing it hard enough will make it true.

[ohshitsweetflips]

She is sorely mistaken if she heard a need for that. And maybe that's going to be a sticking point, maybe he's going to lean less on her for leadership and direction. Shouldn't that be a relief? Shouldn't he finally pay some of that back? All he was asking for was a little forbearance. Obviously they have some things to unpack, but all he wanted was a little breathing room. He appreciates her peace offering, the words, the grounding, and clinging to that comes easily, regardless of the intervening years. He wants to let her off the hook, let it be enough. But they shouldn't be having to make these trades at all.

There's not going to be any running from this, is what he meant. No rug to pull out from under circumstance with unexpected magic, no high handed decisions about what it means or taking an unseen third option. Sometimes you just have to take things as they are and go forward. That's the dumpster dinner at hand. And he'd offered an out, they can put aside their various pride and grievances, acknowledge that this is a thing, and still put one foot in front of the other. She's the one who refused to take it, and she better remember that.

It's still a delicate balance, though. This isn't a situation where he can go full aggro, though again, there's something in him that kinda wants to. He isn't sure how to actually proceed in a non-terrible way, though. What even is her specific damage? Sure would be nice if she would just fucking say instead of this, like he doesn't know something's up, like he's gonna buy this without so much as a blink. But then, the fact that he can't pinpoint the exact source of her distress is surely part of the problem, isn't it. No wonder she thinks she can pull this over on him.

Jokes about maturity and personal growth aside, being without her sure didn't make him a better person, and it didn't make him a superstar at navigating thorny interpersonal shit either. He feels his own fear around that, clawing inside his throat. What if he's not good enough? He's trying so hard, not to be dead weight, not to be out of step, not to fuck things up. It's a high stakes game, like always. She has to be able to trust him, and he's not even sure she was ever right to.

But those fears are doing her a disservice, and so would letting this go. "Nope. Try again," it sounds incongruous while he's squeezing her hand, a kind of encouraging warning. "I don't know...exactly what is going on with you. And that's kinda on me," but only kinda, because shit's real complex. "But I do know bullshit when I hear it." Maybe not the words themselves, they were fine, but, this. This whole con act, like he hasn't seen it a million times, like he hasn't pulled it himself. It would be insulting if it weren't just, kind of hurtful.

"You made such a big deal out of trusting me," and she did, that's the thing, it wasn't even that long ago, like half an hour, tops. He sounds far too unnerved to be recriminating, looking at her with wide eyes. "But then you do things like this." And other things, that would just be a death spiral to bring up, but why are they even twins if he has to do things the hard way, right? His voice is hoarse but insistent, though he's shifted his gaze from her to the fire, like that is gonna keep his eyes dry. "I don't get it."

[hellawrath]

His quiet, simple refusal is all it takes to shake the wall of surety she was trying to prop herself up with to the core, and that's probably a testament to how flimsy an act it really was. She'd counted on him to do what he always does, to follow her lead, to be with her when she lays out a plan, it's so natural she wasn't even thinking of it consciously. At least it was until he doesn't, and it's like having ice water poured on her, she actually flinches a little, ears a panicked flutter for just a second. It sure isn't a great feeling, being called out for once, and it's not doing anything to make her feel any less out of place, disconnected and just, fucking wrong.

But he's squeezing her hand and he's looking at her, and maybe she should've relied on that to see her through this in the first place, and not her own bullshit bravado. On him. Isn't that the whole point? Not to push him away? She's fucked up and she's hurt him and he deserves so, so much better than this. If she can remember how to keep him out when she's vulnerable, she can damn well remember how to let him in.

"There's nothing in any world I have more faith in than you, Taako," she says and she missed her chance at meeting his eyes but she looks at him anyway, and she hopes to any god that the desperation in her voice will be enough to prove that this isn't on him at all. "I'm just--" Fuck, why is this scarier than fighting a goddamn mass of reality-consuming existential angst. Maybe because she's doing it on her own, owning up to her private hell that she was forced to bear alone. "Things were real fucked up, in the umbrella. I didn't... I don't think I even existed properly for a long stretch of it, I had to fight so hard just to remember who I was, and then where I was, and to regain any connection to the outside at all, but I couldn't escape... And then I heard you, and Magnus and Merle, and I thought--" She chokes out a bitter chuckle, "I thought I was done being lost. Being nothing. But you didn't remember," and that's when the tears start to spill over and she turns back to the fire, god, can she just get through this.

"I screamed for you. And I figured out what had happened, what she'd done, but I was so close to you and it was never enough. So I guess when you, when you forget, for a second, it's like... Like I'm still not really here," she forces it out at last through a pained, shaky breath, and she digs her free hand into her hair and pulls up her knees to her chest like that's going to keep her from falling apart. She's sick with shame and why couldn't they still be fighting the Hunger, and stopping Lucretia, and saving the fucking world, and then none of this would matter anymore, and she wouldn't have to feel so lost and messed up.

[ohshitsweetflips]

And this is exactly why he had to make this happen, even though they're both so exhausted and it so isn't the time nor place to drag a huge tangle of mutually messed up issues into the light. What she's describing, that, that is fucked up, and he is blindsided having that dropped into his brain. She is probably underselling it still but that's allowed, she's making more than enough effort here. More than just the completely understandable horror of it, is how...incongruous it is. Forgetting Lup? That's a stupid thought and should have remained such, it was terrible, and in hindsight it just, it's total nonsense to think about. But Lup feeling like nothing, not being able to reach out and just drag a win out of thin air or make herself heard, that's the real uncanny dissonance. She's always been the strongest, out of the two of them, out of all the people he's ever known. He doesn't have words to describe how wrong the feeling she's describing even is.

Needless to say, he hates it, the idea of having been even accidentally contributing to this, and he is hugging her before he even finishes thinking it, awkward around her wounded little huddle but clutching her tightly enough there can be no doubts about her real, indisputable presence. How could he have predicted she might feel that way? It's so wrong, it's so not her, he's so hurt and outraged on her behalf that he's gasping through tears like he's forgotten what they really feel like at full strength. "But you are really here," which sounds like a weak argument, but he's making it for both of them. He forgot she ever existed, he can still remember everything that entailed, that's nothing to what she's got but it's for damn sure pretty bad. "Even if my memory is shit, that's not gonna change."

[hellawrath]

For the second time he just goes and breaks down a stupid unnecessary wall between them, with his fierce familiar embrace around her pathetic attempt at holding it all in, and all at once she just kind of melts into it, clutches him in return like she'd been craving to for ten timeless years. She feels his breathing and his heartbeat and she feels her own start to match his, and she feels their tears mingle on their cheeks and there's nothing realer in the world than this. Very distantly she thinks this is kind of ridiculous, did they even bawl this much when their home was consumed, but the horror and the relief are going to drown her if she doesn't let it out.

She could've handled it, she really could have, it's not like she isn't intimately acquainted with this feeling already, if only this stinking plane hadn't robbed her of the power she needs to feel like herself again, like she can make herself seen again. Without that, without an all-encompassing goal like commandeering the staff or fighting the Hunger, all this despair that she'd shoved aside to not fucking lose herself in there is just breaking free and he got caught in the crossfire. She can hear it in his voice, how much he needs her to be here too, and she's so fucking sorry but it's also bolstering. She nods into his shoulder eagerly, reassuringly, for both of them.

"Never," she promises hoarsely, desperately. "And I know it's not on you, okay? You can't-- I know it doesn't mean anything, and none of this, it's not your fault." She rushes it out and she can't seem to make it any more coherent but it's so important, it's part of why she didn't want to do this, she can't have this on his shoulders. They can play trauma olympics later but she damn well knows his decade wasn't any better and she should never have lashed out at him. Another sob crawls up her throat but then there's an echo of wavering, almost incredulous laughter, too. "You remember me."

[ohshitsweetflips]

"Of course," he insists, though it's unnecessary. It took literal alien jellyfish magic and treachery to make him forget, duh. But he's still incredibly, probably inordinately relieved to hear her absolve him of that. Logically he knew, but. It really helps to hear her say it. He has existed under a high-wattage lamp of self recrimination for...a not-short amount of time, and anything that turns that down a notch is highly, even giddily appreciated. He laughs, too, even if it's kinda sniffly and he's still rubbing soothing arcs into her back like that was ever something he knew how to do. Is it really necessary to feel so many things at the same time? Like damn, maybe save a few emotions for the rest of the plane.

Yeah this is definitely kind of a catharsis overload, very not on brand but very necessary. And painfully familiar? Like, they may be clinging to each other and crying in a shitty camp preparing to eat garbage, but shit, they could be kids again for how that is. It's not great, as a situation, just objectively, but he's a little glad. It'll make him remember things correctly, anyway. That's all this dumb island adventure is, actually, a crash course in refreshing his own memories. Wow, nailed it.

Now he does look her in the eye, drawing back but still holding onto her by the shoulders now, and he's pretty sure this will be received well? Getting surer every minute, but it's still gonna be something of a mess, for awhile, which is the point, but they're handling it. He's still shielded from feeling bad about his uncertainties for the moment by her absolution, so he may as well try to cement things a little. "But uh. No more bullshit, 'kay? From either of us," his gaze falters, but just for a second, because that's quite the commitment, but he smiles and stands by it anyway.

"We're gonna fuck up but we gotta just deal with it. We can do that, on top of surviving on a deserted island, right? No sweat. We're competent, emotionally adroit elves! You're not an umbrella, I'm not an idiot only child, we're on the same page, we have half the ingredients to a baked good. We got this, let's make soup." This is, without a doubt, the stupidest bunch of encouragement words he's ever strung together. But at least it's all true-ish.

[hellawrath]

It helps to hear him insist on her presence too, because she used to think this, all of this that they're doing right now, that it could never be taken away, until it was. And it's comforting to hear him let out a laugh that's just as shaken and fragile and freeing as hers. They are so very messed up, but it's okay, it really miraculously is. When he draws back, she meets his eyes with unalloyed gratitude and trust. No more bullshit is a tall order and she feels rightfully chastised, but his smile is pretty much the best thing she's ever seen.

And then he goes on and it's just, wow, it's so good to hear these things, actually? She's the one saying them usually, which she can do because she believes them with the same intensity she does everything, but after laying her horrors and weakness bare like this, she really needed the breather. And Taako still knows what she needs, wordlessly, and she's looking at him with what is probably a really dumb adoring smile on her tear-stained face. Her response is to rest her forehead against his, to savor this moment of closeness and understanding, of a connection with nothing separating them any longer. "Love you, Taako. Let's make soup."

Only a little reluctantly, she pulls back from his embrace to wipe her face and then hands him the knife and one of the birds back. It's alright, because she can reach out any time to just touch him or talk to him and be heard. Little slip-ups sting, but they've got nothing on that. "Still gonna find a way to blow a hole in this stink island, though," she says and starts peeling the burnt skin off the bird cuts she'd already made.

[ohshitsweetflips]

You know what, he takes it back, that was a brilliant and eminently commendable speech of encouragement and he'd had no doubts whatsoever about its reception. Hindsight is 20/20, motherfuckers. Presumably this is how Lup normally feels when she says shit like that, and it's legitimately pretty dope actually. Maybe almost as good a strategy as saying or doing something completely ridiculous for laughs. He's pretty sure she's proud of him for it, anyway, and he re-finds the understanding that that is profoundly important. "Love you too, sis. Welcome back."

Taako wastes no time collecting himself and getting his trashbird situated with vicious efficiency, which is as much about hunger as it is any kind of cooking related skill. "For sure. Bet there's a DMV just around the corner, you can start there." He knows he doesn't have to appease her with shared memories, it's just that a huge ass firestorm is a really comforting thought right now, in theory anyway. He throws the various bird bits and bones into the pot, along with some crumbles of his salt rock, and then he does take a break, finally.

There's so much he'd like to say, but he's so tired, and none of it will settle and resolve into actual words, just bright, sharp feelings. And yes, there's always tomorrow, but he feels a real fear that by then he won't remember how, somehow. Tomorrow is honestly just its own huge fucking looming ordeal, all on its own. The stress of the day and the wholly different stresses of the night make things so far feel...a little unreal? Just kind of at loose ends. Tomorrow will probably put a stop to that, but not in a good way. "This is gonna be terrible, by the way. Which is not on me. But damn, why couldn't your first meal in ten years be literally anything else? That's the real tragedy, in all this."

[hellawrath]

It's probably for the best he works on the birds first, because she's still feeling kinda shaky and wrung out, like she just ran some kind of emotional marathon. His reassurances and his comfort, and just, his whole presence by her side, are the best source of strength she could ask for, but damn do they both need to sleep this off. It was hard to feel emotions in the umbrella most of the time, when so much of her power went to just clinging to awareness at all, and this has all been so overwhelming. He mentions the DMV and she has to blink quickly against more tears as she chuckles, though they're happy this time, grateful and full of love.

She waits for her turn with the knife and then gets the second bird taken care of, adding it to the bowl. There's silence again for a bit, but this time it speaks of joint exhaustion and trying to get a grip on this whole mess, just enough to be able to rest at least. She busies herself with shuffling around the fire stuffing their random ass supplies back in the bags, spreading out the blanket for sleeping on, breaking down the branches into better firewood size. The broken Umbra Staff remains where it is in the sand.

Her first meal in ten years, huh. That's another unexpected emotion she's too tired to figure out, maybe more relief at having her body back when she'd been so sure she'd lost her last chance at it, maybe nostalgia for actually good food, which this insult to bouillon everywhere is decidedly not. "You know," she starts thoughtfully, "I'd like to say literally anything I put in my mouth will be the dopest shit I've tasted in ten years, and that having been incorporeal really makes me value the little things? But you're right, actually, this is gonna suck and I'm frankly insulted you expect me to eat it. So I'm gonna go with one of the many superior options we have at our disposal." The solemnity of her voice and expression doesn't change as she reaches into the bag and pulls out the sack of sugar, opening it up like she's gonna shovel it into her mouth by the handful. Which is to say, quit worrying about the food when they're lucky to have any at all, you goober.

[ohshitsweetflips]

Emotional marathon? This was the fucking emotional olympics, and they deserve the gold. Turns out it wasn't super easy feeling emotions outside the umbrella either, weirdly enough, just so strange how that happens. The worst part is remembering that, all muted and foreign and dull, and just there, unnecessarily. This should be familiar by comparison, and it is, but. But. Three cheers for sleeping it off, just as a concept.

Not that that's actually looking like the cheeriest prospect, actually, as he watches her try and order their shitty camp some kinda way. Which he's grateful for, but this is still a shit sandwich with no bread. Sleeping fireside on the beach is only a luxury funtime if you're choosing to do it. Also if you have just, a whole separate ocean of booze, like just as a rule. This is way more hobo than boho, which, points for authenticity, but he would kill anyone on this island for a real bed. Whatever else they do, they gotta get situated better than this, if they can't solve this beach puzzle by tomorrow night. That lurking magical exhaustion menace is a worry for future Taako, though, he decides firmly.

Taako actually, bless his heart, looks startled by her words for the smallest fraction of a second, like he's so tired he actually almost took her seriously, all alarmed ears and wide eyes. He recovers very quickly though, flipping her off and giving the soup a regal stir with his wand, because that's sanitary. This is all the bowl's fault, actually, he should have the energy to be as much of a shit as she's being, he'd definitely be on her level if it weren't for that. "Do it, you goblin, I dare you. Enjoy your sugar seizure, more dank ass trashbird soup for Taako. Was gonna try to Prestidigitate this into actually having a flavor, but now I think I'm gonna save my strength."

[hellawrath]

Honestly this is laughably low levels of being a shit, that was barely a bluff, just some straight-faced sarcasm to drive home her point. They're about as far from peak performance here as that soup is. At least messing with the sugar bag kept her from noticing his moment of actual alarm and she just catches the tail end of his raised middle finger. That's as good as it's gonna get, huh. They really do need to sleep for a year. There's a smirk tugging at her lips anyway and she's two seconds away from actually digging her fingers into the sugar while maintaining aggressive eye contact because he knows damn well she can't turn down a dare.

But then he pretty much threatens to magic his ass right back into the dirt and she's not down for that. Packing up the sugar, she shuffles back to her spot next to him, kind of elbowing him with one arm while snatching the wand with the other hand. "You're not the only cooking wizard on this stink island, you dumbass. I can flavor this tragedy just fine." And keep him from putting his gross face juices in there if he folds again head first.

She gives the wand an unnecessary flourish to railroad over a moment of dread and taps the bowl as usual, as she's always done, for centuries. Except, usually something happens, a minute ripple or change of color, anything. She doesn't have to taste the soup to know it's exactly the same, there was just nothing, a fucking cantrip just failed like she's never known a spell in her life. Even as her shoulders and ears sink in something like defeat, she gives it a more insistent shot, a tighter grip on the wand, a more demanding tap. No dice, and she swallows hard against a surge of nonsensical shame. "Guess you just got promoted," she manages a questionable attempt at levity, and doesn't meet his eyes.

[ohshitsweetflips]

At this point all he can really do is sigh. Fuck this island, for the millionth time. Fuck it double for Lup having to go all shifty and diffident, he's already done enough of that this evening for both of them for the rest of their lives actually. He's not here for hearing that in her voice or having her look away like, like she's the one who fucked up here. He's too tired and dulled to even know what to say, and fuck that too.

"Yep, that's me, head chef of Trash Island Resort, now where's my fucking raise," he says, and it's very droll over all the horrified resignation, a real rollercoaster packed in that sentence. But he appreciates her attempt all the same, and whatever negativity is there, it's certainly not directed at her, not when he's got a whole fuckin island as a target. They really gotta keep it together, is the thing. Making eye contact with an emotion, as a concept, is on cooldown now. Can't do it.

"Maybe it will be better tomorrow," he tries for reassuring, apology, just something to say even. They both know it's probably bullshit but it would hurt not to say anything and just drown in his own helplessness, which is undoubtedly mirroring hers. And that's the established mechanic anyway, right? This isn't really like that, this pacing of magic exertion, these complete spell failures, that's not...that's not 'long rest' material, he strongly suspects. But maybe. Does he have a shot at being the optimism twin? He honestly doesn't remember but he thinks not.

[hellawrath]

If the actual optimism twin is feeling about ready to crumble under the hollow horror of that failure again, he's definitely doing that roll with disadvantage. She only wishes she were that dulled to it, but all she can do is to bite her lip as more tears are stinging in her eyes. Can't she even have this, this stupid insignificant way of being what she used to be, which is someone who can flavor a damn soup. But emotional vulnerability hour is over, this is eat your soup and go the fuck to sleep hour, so she rubs her eyes with the heel of her hand and drops the wand between them. It's his soup anyway, he's the one who's been cooking for the past ten years, why did she even fucking try.

"Yeah, maybe," she agrees with whatever fake bravado she's still got left because yeah it's bullshit, but it's good of him to try. "Maybe cantrips run on slots now and we just missed the update. Fucking-- the fucking signal's gotta be real shitty out here." Aimless soothing rambling isn't really her wheelhouse and she gives up quickly, but she's all outta bolstering speeches too. She hates this, hates how reduced this is making her feel, how needy for more of his reassurance after he's already done so much. Boy's as tired as her, probably more, and she's a big girl. There's gotta be something she can still do to be useful, without magic, without cooking, without optimism. "Listen, I'll take the first watch when we've got this meal over with, alright? One of us needs their beauty sleep way more desperately than the other."

[ohshitsweetflips]

Wow, yeah, that's really not her wheelhouse, is it, but he snorts quietly anyway. Not a pity laugh, more like gratitude? Yeah. Her commitment to their shared bravado is wholly appreciated. It's...important. It's dire. They have to just roll with this shit for now, like every dumpster dinner before this one, stretching back through literal decades. They're tired and disheartened and this thing with their magic just doesn't stop being so incredibly unfortunate, this is an infinite drama generator that they have to just forcibly unplug. And he has started to understand, now, the special horror wrought into that loss, her fears of being nothing, being forgotten, being useless. Which is all the more reason, he is absolutely dedicated to not letting that get off the ground again. Just gonna tourniquet all this. They're in retreat, but it's a controlled one. See what happens when you communicate? People know shit, and let it influence their behaviour for the better. Fuckin wild, right?

All the more reason he's not gonna let it be a thing that she kinda just stepped in it right out of the gate. There's not a good night for Wonderland callbacks, but if there were this wouldn't be it. It sucks and he hates the reminder, and the fun new added layer--wow! What a time for magic as a whole to shit the bed! And of the spells he's tried and flubbed today, Disguise Self defs isn't topping the list but it's just. Another thing, that has happened. Just one of way too many. Same shit, different plane. But what's really the worst here is the possibility of Lup feeling even more out of sync and emotionally left-footed than she already has. It's an act of real will not to pin his ears, let any defensiveness or plain old hurt creep into his bearing, but hey, that's not something he took a hit to, right? Plenty of stubbornness left. They'll get the hang of it. The generator has to be unplugged so they can get this turd of a day over, dammit. "And yet you're still volunteering. Your sacrifice won't be forgotten." It almost sounds right.

[hellawrath]

It sounds hollow, is what it does. Despite his admirable efforts, just hollow enough for her to notice, one ear twitching in surprise at him taking this lame joke the wrong way somehow. What, what is it this time? What supremely shitty thing did she miss by being locked away and forgotten and unable to stand at his side, again. It's not like, well alright, he is vain and so is she, but he's also practical enough to know their disheveled state is the least of their problems right now. So it's gotta be the worse option, like every other damn thing on this beach tonight.

She's fully blaming her utter physical and emotional exhaustion for how long it's taking to figure out, in the moment before it clicks. Sacrifice. She heard it in his voice alright, but she heard it in another elf's voice before that, only, what, a few days ago at most. And it's like ice in her heart to realize what she just stepped in, and she can't keep herself from really looking at him, wondering... how much of it is being tired and gross and caked in sand and tear stains, and how much is gonna be-- different, now.

But there's fire too, a wrath and protectiveness that's never going to extinguish until she herself does, and she offers him the only thing she can think to give. "You know I made Edward pay for everything he did to you, right?" she says with an echo of viciousness on his behalf in her voice, even now. "I crushed him."