January Undercurrent: Growing Pains

[lifeaftr_mods]

JANUARY UNDERCURRENT

Who: Everyone!
What: Hey bud, how's it growing?
When: January 3rd to January 20th
Where: Everywhere!
Warnings: This event has a potential for body horror and character death; please mark anything as it comes up!

A Notion Growing Inside Me

Those of you who weren't with us the last time Umui entered the archipelago didn't have to contend with the lethal illness known as the Overgrowth personally, but anyone who remembers it probably doesn't remember it fondly. Fortunately, this isn't quite the same strain of the illness that you had to contend with the last time. It's not unrelentingly and uncompromisingly fatal, for one! That's always nice.

For those that need a primer on the Overgrowth, it is best described as a sickness that overcomes you with floral growth both inside and outside your body that can only be cured by expressions of emotional honesty. Expressions of truths, affections, and admissions of things that you have hidden from yourselves or from others were critical in dispensing of the illness. These could be as simple as admissions of past sins or the revealing of secrets, or as grandiose and overt as confessions of guilt or love. That general idea will remain more or less the key means of curing this strain as well, though the stakes fortunately aren't as high this go around! Which is to say, if you fail to have any grand emotional epiphanies by the time this event ends, you aren't doomed to suffer a character death; symptoms will simply dissipate come January 20th.

So what's this sickness going to be like in this particular instance, then? We're so glad you asked! You can go the standard route, of course. Adventurers' first brush with the illness saw the following afflicted upon them:

[ ♆ ] Stage One: Germination. Initial symptoms involve fever, coughing fits, numbness to nerves and extremities, and general joint stiffness. Difficulty breathing or performing other basic functions will often occur. Fatigue, difficulty sleeping, and intense weakness or dizzy spells are also liable to occur as the flowers begin to harvest nutrients from the body. This will also generate extreme thirst and periods of intense nausea. Tremors and the sensation of something "itching" from inside are also common. The end of Stage One is usually marked by the act of vomiting or coughing up flower petals or spores, along with a not-insignificant amount of blood.

[ ♆ ] Stage Two: Budding. The floral growths spread more completely inside the body, and begin to grow on the skin or exterior. Difficulty performing basic functions will increase as, for example, airways become obstructed and flowers grow around joints and pinch them still. The site of affliction also yields rashes, blisters, and blood sores as the flowers sprout from the skin. The rate of vomiting or coughing up floral growths will increase dramatically. Flowers often bloom quickly, and very painfully. Numbness in affected areas will increase, oftentimes rendering parts of the body completely inert - a pair of legs claimed completely by blooms, for example, will no longer work.

This was followed by Stage Three: Bloom, which resulted in character death. However, this strain will not advance to this style of Stage Three. All symptoms will disperse by the time Umui resurfaces.

This strain is also rather more erratic, which can make emotional repression more of an inconvenience than a horrifying circumstance. For those who would rather not play around with intense sickness (or who have already endured this once before), you have the option to go that route if you like! With this variant of the Overgrowth, one can become, for example, so embarrassed that they hiccup up a flower. A vicious denial of their feelings may cause them to spontaneously erupt into a rash of dandelion puffballs, seemingly immediately. You might end up walking around with a bouquet for an arm for a few hours. Perhaps mortifying, but certainly not fatal! Isn't that nice?

Unless, of course, you want it to be...

I Can't Fight It Much Longer

Now, while the Bloom Stage isn't present in this strain, it has mutated its progression into a rather nasty end stage. Those of you who succumb a little too readily to this illness, who don't fight off the emotional repression quickly, who don't admit those difficult truths to yourself or confess to whatever you're bottling up, you'll be faced with a potentially horrifying transformation. Potentially, because it is your choice whether or not you see fit to commit your character to that fate - as stated above, this option might simply skip over your character entirely, and the worst they'll have to deal with are cartoonishly over-the-top effects that disperse in due time.

But maybe not all of you will be so lucky. Some of you might discover for yourselves how this particular variant of the Overgrowth has mutated.

We call this mutation Stage Three: Outbreak. In this final Stage, those beautiful blooms wither and harden into a fungus-like carapace as the illness grows into the victim's brain and shuts down virtually all higher functions. This can sometimes render them almost wholly recognizable, but not always - oftentimes, it's very obvious who this person once was. The victim is reduced to a carrier of the virus, which causes them to act the way you'd expect most viruses to act: becoming intent on spreading. Advanced brain functions such as speech, rational thought, and so on tend to shut off and become wholly inaccessible.

Now that the victim's body is no longer fighting the Overgrowth, the illness lends them increased speed, strength, and durability, making them dangerous foes indeed. They will usually seek to infect others by whatever means necessary - usually via biting or exuding breathable spores - but in some cases, they will simply reduce to base instincts, and just outright attempt to attack and kill whoever is closest.

Unfortunately, at this point, there is no hope of a cure; it's hard to make someone be emotionally honest when they're capable of little more than blunt, animal instinct. At this point, you can either wait for the Stage Three symptoms to disperse come Umui's return, or take manners into your own hands. You can probably guess what that might entail.

If you decide to put your Overgrown friends out of their misery, this will count as a character death. If it comes to that, be sure to let us know on the Deaths page! Death penalties, however, will not be reduced for this event.

Try to Get Through It

Of course, there's a lot going on in the background as well. You're free to use this log as a catch-all for the duration of January's Undercurrent Event, as well as any of the other minor events listed on our Monthly Rundown post. And, of course, you are always free to create your own individual logs and posts as needed.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask them over on the Questions header on our Rundown post!

January Timeline

[ ♆ ] January 1st: "This Sucks" begins and lasts until January 10th
[ ♆ ] January 3rd: "Growing Pains" begins and lasts until January 20th
[ ♆ ] January 11th: "No Water is Safe" begins and lasts until January 19th
[ ♆ ] January 20th: Umui returns to the archipelago
[ ♆ ] January 21st: "Impawsible Geometries" begins and lasts until January 31st

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( CODED BY BOOTYCALL )

Comments

[ichininyaanshi]

...

[How... does he respond to that? He doesn't actually know. Even without this hideous disease for bad people, even without the desire to seize the roots in his veins and twist them and wring them for all they're worth, Ichimatsu could never tell her what he thinks whenever she says that. That she's wrong, severely wrong; his heart is glass but doesn't shine, fragile but doesn't come with warnings. It's ugly. It's so... damned ugly.]

[But he'll never tell her that. Ever. Because when she's saying those things, she's gifting him with her trust - she's telling him that she's lived in a world of ugly and hurtful things, and protected herself from them. When you live in a lonely world like that, the pretty things glow like a lamplight to guide by. Trust and vulnerability in its rawest form.]

[Ichimatsu knows this because he's the same. He protects himself from those things; he guides by his brothers.]

[Telling her she's wrong is nothing but rejection. To a lonely person, it's as good as death.]

[So... maybe he'll try something else. To shed these flowers from his body, because not only does he have the biggest reason in the world to try and survive this time - now he has two. Now, maybe instead of refusing to tell her what her trust makes him think, he'll tell Ren how it makes him feel.]

[He's always going on and on about how he's influencing her. Maybe it's time to not just scrape by, but actually try setting a good example.]

... I know Ren-chan feels that way. I - I don't really get it, you know... ? It's not like I can see my own heart. I just know that it feels... nothing like that.

[Slowly, unsteadily, he wobbles to his feet. He won't release her unless she pulls away.]

But I believe you. S-so... will Ren-chan believe me when I say... that I'll never hate her, no matter what? That she can be honest with me... and I'll never reject her.

[catpiper]

[He says he doesn't get it, but he reads her heart like an open book, laying out all her fears between them, like they were never a secret to begin with.

Cats are always like that, but he's in a league of his own.

Those words, coming from someone else, would be met with some hesitation and fear. With an inkling that they don't know what they're asking for because they're so kind, they can only see the good parts.

But when it's a cat-

When it's him-

He can't see his own heart, but he can see hers. She thinks he always could and that's enough stifle the protests ready to fall out of her mouth-things like you don't know and you'll leave because he wouldn't. She has faith he wouldn't. The cats never judged or left her. This one won't either.

She remembers how long he searched for Pachinko for-how terrifying it was in the expanse of darkness filled with unknown creatures and how he persevered through that. How he protected her through that. How he found Pachinko and he saved her from that.

He can't feel how his heart is and that confession, minor as it is, stuns her, when all she can remember is all the ways its shined over the years. He can't feel it, but she does every single day.

It's how most people here are. They can't feel it. Can't see it. And the ones who think the worst about their own hearts are the ones who have the brightest.]

I believe you.

[They're standing and she's gone with him, unwilling to let go just yet. She knows the chances of him vanishing before her very eyes because of the island are slim-

But the chances of him dying of this disease are larger. The flowers are already dotting his skin, in a scene that's too familiar for her liking. She could feel the petals on her fingertips before and now that she's really looking at him-

Now that his family's here-

She can't let him die. Not again.]

I'll always believe you.

[The numbing in her arms is receding for a moment and she reaches up to pat the side of his head, like she's trying to pet him.]

You're a very good boy, so I won't forget that. I won't ever hate Murasaki-chan either. It's okay if the secrets in your heart feel scary and you want to hide from them. You can reach out with your heart and I'll hear it. I'll stay here and listen until I can. You're special and-

I want you to live for a very long time.

[ichininyaanshi]

[... no matter what he does now, he's going to hurt her. That's the reality sinking into him, rattling in his bones like thorns. What a stupid pit he's dug for himself. The honest truth of who he is as a person is something vile, hurtful, and disgusting. Nothing like what he's ever shown her before.]

[So now he's got a choice to make.]

[What would be more painful for Ren, he wonders? Seeing her favorite cat arch his back and spread his claws and survive by being the monster she's never seen before? Or pass on again quietly, docilely, in a grave of quiet flowers, the same sweet saccharine covering him that she's always known?]

[...]

[Akatsuka strike him down. He hopes this is the right thing to do.]

Heh.

... you know, Ren-chan.

[He catches her fingers against the side of his face, leans gently into it, his eyelids lifting just slightly. Then he chuckles, and the sound isn't like the warm, rumbling purr he's always given her: it's sharp, caustic, whetted against the sardonic curl of his mouth. But for every edge, the soft roundness of tears still hang at the corners of his eyes.]

[And his hand doesn't press down on hers; ready, allowing, for her to escape him.]

Dying isn't something I'm afraid of. But I don't want to be alone, either. Being left behind, abandoning someone else... even if it's not on purpose, it's the kind of stuff we do to each other, isn't it?

... that's why I said last time that I don't want you to end up like me. I care too much about that stuff. When people make you happy, you shouldn't worry about how long it's gonna last, and just live together happily. That's how my brothers think. And even though I can't feel that way myself...

[The florets in his hair come loose, sticking to their fingers.]

... that's the kind of life I want Ren-chan to live.

[catpiper]

[That raw honesty is unexpected. Every single word reaches her heart in a strange, yet familiar way. He's picking at a wound she didn't realize was still open and it's not his fault-he doesn't know. The truth's pouring out of his mouth and she doesn't need to feel the falling petals on her fingertips to know that. She can see it his eyes, hear it in his tone-there's a serious edge to his voice that didn't exist earlier. Like he's really trying. Like he's determined to reach her heart and-

She hears every word. Understands what he means. Gets that painful realization he's speaking aloud when he talks about being left behind because that's what happened, what just happened to them, what's going to happen to them and continue to happen to them because this isn't life isn't permanent. That's been proven time and time again.

He doesn't want her to end up like him, but she is, in some ways. In the way that makes her heart ache whenever another person she loves vanishes in the night, like they were never here at all. Like the only part of them that ever existed was the dusty guitar propped against the door or the unmade blankets inside a makeshift treehouse.

Like the empty hammock that used to have someone in it and-

The memory of drinking cocoa in someone's lap and-

He doesn't want her to be like him, but-

She doesn't want him to be like her.

She doesn't want him to feel that choking sensation in his throat when he thinks about that loss for too long or have to blink his eyes over and over and over because they're hot and it feels like something's stuck in his eyelashes and-

He keeps saying he can't read her heart and for once, she thinks he's lying.

Her fingers twitch against the side of his face, the urge to change the topic being stifled in her throat and she doesn't know if it's the flowers blooming or because her own thoughts have lingered on the past for too long.]

That kind of thing-I was like that. Before here. With Seto. It made me happy to just stay by his side, but-

[She tries to swallow and taps her fingers against his cheek. Tries to keep them moving because it feels like the truth. It is the truth. It's something like the truth because she's never said it before.]

It's very hard to do that now. It's-

[She taps, and stops, and taps and-]

Hard. Because it makes me very sad when you're gone and now that they're gone. Even if if I was very happy and I'm still happy when I think about it, this kind of thing-it's 'love,' I think. Something like that. And I don't want it to go away.

[Because even if it hurts, its hers. Her own memories might be causing it, but it's because there was so much to love while they were here and she can't turn it off. Doesn't want to turn it off. Knows the ache and pain of heartache can twist someone-can make them cruel and cold when they're alone with those bitter thoughts, but-]

We don't have to alone now. Your heart will stay warm with all those good memories, even if it makes you very sad too. Even if you want them back. It's okay.

[And that incessant, irritating tapping against his cheek stops, but she doesn't pull away. Not one bit.]

It's okay to be like you. You're not bad. Your heart isn't bad. And I think you love a lot of things too.

[ichininyaanshi]

[It's okay to be like you.]

W-wait, that's not what I'm...

[You're not bad.]

You've got it wrong.

[Your heart isn't bad.]

I...

[It's okay.]


[Ichimatsu sobs. It's an ugly sound, with pearls of sap and tears rolling down his face, catching against the thorns dotted through his skin. This is - it isn't okay. He's always known himself as useless, unburnable trash. No will to live at all. All he's ever wanted was for her to be as little like him as possible, but she keeps doing this, elevating him into some kind of person, and what's he supposed to do with that? How can he bring himself to be any crueler than this?]

[He's capable of it. He feels the threat of it settled in his bones like nettles, always. Something he can draw out and draw blood with and then push people away. He does it all the goddamn time, and he could do it right now; break his own promise and reject her. Save himself from this threat of being treated like a person.]

[But he can't. Not to Ren. Not the one person he can help instead of hurt - if he tries.]

[He's got to be better.]

... n-no. Ren-chan is right.

[He releases her and lifts a hand to scrub at his tears, wincing at the feeling of flowers tearing off his temples like bits of wet mulch. He doesn't know how to begin responding to a voice about love and reassurance if it isn't by harshly rejecting it. It's not okay. He can't do that to her. Ren, who used to be like him, until Seto. With all her ghosts and her hospital gown. Who has good and sad memories, and who can tell that even someone like Ichimatsu loves a lot of things too.]

[He tries to compose himself. She's spoken out loud everything Ichimatsu is too weak to. Not only is she stronger than he hoped for - she's stronger than he ever gave her credit for.]

[But something is missing.]

If Ren-chan can say all of those things... I'm glad. You should keep thinking like that, okay? Not everybody can do that. That thing I told you, about feeling alone - e-everyone's the same way. Everyone's scared shitless of it, whether they'll admit it or not. Even my brothers...

[His voice is unsteady, rambling, but that's mainly because he's trying to rush into a point. Once he gets there, his tone lowers a bit; dulls into chips at the edges, and Ichimatsu's wet eyes soften, his fingers moving to brush against one of the flowers in her hair.]

... so... that's why I know... even though she's brave enough to say all that, Ren-chan is still hiding something she's scared of talking about.

[catpiper]

[He starts to cry and-

There's a pang in her heart. One she can't force away because her eyes settle on his expression, the way he's failing to hold everything back and for a moment, it feels like she said something wrong. But it can't be wrong, if it caused this kind of reaction. If it's the truth she feels in her own soul, then there's some merit to it and he-

May or may not see it. Might not ever see it. But her words get through to him and she can see how some the flowers tear away from his skin. He's going to get better.

They're going to get better.

She's going to be better. For him, she has to be. If he's going to believe her, she has to be. If he can sit here and between these choked sobs say she's right, when he was struggling so much before then-

He starts to talk and she listens, focusing on every word coming out of his mouth. No petals are coming up, no blood-he's talking, and it's through a raspy sounding throat, but the words are coming out and he's not hurting because of it. That's what matters here and-

She's scared shitless when his voice drops and his hand moves to where that blindingly yellow flower is poking through her hair.

But she has to be better to. Get better. Deal with this because he's trying. Because she wants to try. Because they can try and even if it doesn't work, they did their best.

She knew it was coming. That he would be able to see through the haphazard braids on her head and pick up that her arms were numb and achy and sore. He always notices and she has to try. For someone kind like him, good like him, who sat here and listened to her preach about the shining heart beating in his chest, she-

Really has to try.]

I am. I'm very scared. Of a lot of things, I'm really scared.

[That once all-encompassing fear has shifted and waned over the years. Has been dulled by affection and care. Has been alleviated by kind words and promises. And with that, came-]

I used to be scared of dying. I didn't want to go, even if I had to. I wanted to stay alive for a long time and-

[That can't happen. It won't. It'll be impossible for her to survive outside of this island. The medicine will run out and she'll die.

She was always supposed to die.

And that thought isn't what makes every muscle in her body pull, pull, pull so tight. It isn't what makes her eyes immediately start to burn, as something seems to almost instantaneously overwhelm her. Like it's been at the forefront of her mind every waking moment, every second she's run around, every afternoon she tries too cook but she can't because she was never like him and how she tries to pull the fresh water from lake and heft it back to camp because she's not like her and how she stares at Kravitz because she is nothing like them and she can't make him better-only they could and she-

Tries to look up, then down, away and shuts her eyes tight to stop this and swallow it because they aren't here anymore.

So many people aren't here anymore and-

For awhile, Murasaki-chan wasn't here anymore and now she's scared of-]

I wanted to say goodbye. That's something I wanted to do. I want to say 'Goodbye' and 'Thank you' and-

I thought when I died, I could say that to people. Because I'm not supposed to be alive for a long time, but-

[They're gone. He was gone. People are gone and that's okay. She knew they would leave-they have homes with people who love them and worlds that are intact. They're going to leave and she's okay with that, but-]

They were just gone and now they won't know. I won't see them again and they won't know that I said 'Thank you.'

[They'll forget her and that's fine. It's normal. It's how it's supposed to be and how everything originally started.]

Everyone's leaving before I can say 'goodbye.' Before I can say 'thank you.' Before I can say 'I love you.' And now they won't know. I wanted to tell you too-that kind of thing and you were gone too. I wanted to say 'Thank you, Murasaki-chan.'

[She tries to wipe at her eyes to no avail. They're falling far faster than she can keep up with and-]

And 'Goodbye, Murasaki-chan' and 'I love you, Murasaki-chan.'

[ichininyaanshi]

[... he always thought it would be something like this.]

[Ren talks like she's dying. It's a language Ichimatsu is innately fluent in, the tunnel scope of expecting to die, that long road you walk and walk with no map. For him, maybe, it's always been in his head. A path dug out in front of his feet with his own shovel, turning the dirt over those five branching paths. That's not the case for everyone.]

[Anyone could tell now that she's talking like she plans to die. Ichimatsu's been hearing it for a while. Looking behind him down that road, and seeing a ghost of someone he knew.]

[But he'd hoped. He'd done everything he could think of. He...]

[Can't change reality. Can't drown the hospital in a dark sea of named stars; can't wipe away ghosts like a smudge of dirt on her face. Ren says that she wants to say goodbye, and thank you, and I love you, and nothing at all in Ichimatsu is able to deny her those. That's the only reason. Rejecting what she's telling him now, no matter how viciously the thorns in his bones rattle at him to - would be rejecting the things in her heart that she wants to say. Telling her that her last wishes aren't even real. He can't do that.]

[He can't. He'd rather die.]

[Please, instead, just --]

[He sobs again, through locked, gritted teeth, and the sound is more of a choke than anything else. He doesn't know what to say to make it better. In the end, everyone leaves each other; rejection, or dying, or falling out, or drifting apart, people get abandoned on purpose or against their wills. It's happened to him here so many times already. He's done it to others. Why does anyone ever even try? Why...]

[No. It's not about that.]

[It's because he loves her, too.]

[No matter how much it hurts, no matter what vicious twist of weight and edge he's feeling in his middle, it's because of something that was worth it. The pain is crippling, but it only comes because he was moving in the first place. It's because the hollow blade of being alone is a slower way to die, and he hasn't stayed still to gouge himself on it anymore, and neither has Ren.]

[Ichimatsu pulls her in again, and this time it's the same, purposeful way he used to comfort the fragile Todomatsu when they were in high school - one hand between her shoulders, the other on the back of her head, gently bringing her in against his chest. His whole body shakes with the effort not to tip into his grief and crush her against him. His breathing is fucked up and tastes like metal and sap, but he manages to drag his voice out, low and ruddy.]

You know, saying 'goodbye'... is hard, and it sucks. But it's normal to want others to know the way you feel. It's just that sometimes you can't. That's how life is. People leave without saying goodbye, and... i-it hurts even worse. But...

[He swallows thickly.]

When Ren-chan... spent time with me, and showed me her hiding spots, and looked for Pachinko with me, I - that's what I heard her heart saying. All of those things. So, because Ren-chan was always honest with me - even though she never said 'goodbye', I always heard everything she wanted to say. I know all of those things because I trust her.

And... maybe I wasn't honest enough, but I hope Ren-chan knows I felt the same way, too. Even though I left her without saying goodbye.