lifeaftr | home sweet home? (closed)

I'm okay, geez.

[ She frowns at him briefly before making her expression more neutral, looking away and speaking more quietly. ]

I know you missed me. And Church, I missed you, too. Just don't... Just...

[ She doesn't know how to say what she means gently. She was holding a T-shirt; she puts it down and approaches him. But she doesn't look him in the face—in the visor. She keeps her gaze slightly off-center. ]

You can just be really intense, you know? And you're doing it a little bit and I don't want it to snowball. Because I'll get sick of it. And then...

[ She shrugs, still not looking at him. ]

I mean, you know. It's not pretty.

Edited 2019-04-11 10:31 (UTC)

...Oh. And here I thought chicks dig intense guys.

Um, I can...I can back off. Just--I, I lost you, a couple times, and the last time was pretty...final.

I know, Church.

[ She seems to struggle with it for a moment before deciding to look him in the visor. ]

It was hard for me, you know. You not knowing who you were or what had happened to you.

[ She leaves it unsaid that she'd find this easier, too, if they could only be physical. It won't help. It's not like it's something that can be changed. But she's definitely having trouble being this open, too. She looks at his chest. ]

It's not going to be like it was in Blood Gulch. I'm not going to just run. I know it looked that way to you. But I really don't like being smothered, either.

[It's something he's only allowed himself to consider in the middle of the night, when there's almost no one else awake and Wash is still sound asleep. He doesn't like thinking about the ramifications of what he's found out, what he learned, what he knows to be true even though he doesn't want to admit to it. Because admitting to it would somehow make it more real.

That his memories before Blood Gulch aren't real, were never real. Maybe even Sidewinder wasn't real--he doesn't know. But Tex does. Tex knew. Tex knew all along and didn't say anything and he wants to hate her for that but he also doesn't want to think about how she knew because it means admitting his entire life is one giant lie.

So it takes a while to even formulate a response, mostly because he didn't expect her to just put that out in the open like that. He doesn't know how to approach that topic. So, for now, maybe try to avoid it. Focus on something else.]

Does not being smothered also mean not looking at me?

[ Touche, she might say. She doesn't, though. ]

Yeah, sometimes.

[ She looks up at him again, though—because of course he's taller than her and god she hates this stupid organic body—takes his hand, and just kind of...looks at him. For a good long moment. She's not normally this open, not during the time they had in Blood Gulch, not when they were reunited in the Meta, and certainly not the first time he was on the Moira. She tried a different tack when he was there the second time, but it was too much, too fast, and she's trying to be more measured this time around.

She's not sure how successful she's being at that.

She squeezes his hand, then lets it go. ]

[It's such a stark contrast to how they were. Bickering and annoying and brushing up against loving until the well-meaning insults took over. 'Asshole' was basically synonymous with 'babe', and now that she's here and it's not that, he has to wonder...why. Why it was that. Why did he think of her as someone that stole his money, and why did he think of them both sleeping around, and why did he think they were going to get married but that Freelancer took her and changed her and did she know? Did she know the whole time that it was wrong and she just...played along with it?

Why put up with that? Why did he do any of that, and why did she let it happen, and...is it really her that's different, or just circumstances leading her to act less like Badass Freelancer For Hire Tex and more like...just Tex. Texas. Beta?

He doesn't know where it leaves them. And he wants to get mad. Because that's always the default reaction. But not with this. This just leaves him disoriented, confused, elated, skittish.

He wishes she didn't let go, but he keeps himself for reaching back for her hand.]

Oh.

[And now he's being a creep and she just can't look at him sometimes. Okay. This is fine. He can deal with this. Just...stop being weird.]

Well--well, good thing there are different rooms, and plenty to do around here, and I'm not always gonna be around watering holes except to talk to people, obviously, so...I'll. I'll back off. You can give me a punch if I'm being too, uh, intense. Friendly punch! Arm punch, not, y'know, not punch-punch.

[Just having her around is good enough. It has to be.]

Ugh.

[ She reaches out and shoves his arm. ]

Don't do that either. I know it'll be better when we've both gotten a chance to get used to this, okay? Just don't act like I'm...I don't know, a museum piece.

Ha, see, like that! [Arm shoving. Like. Play punching. See?]

Man, you're not giving me a whole lot of options here, Tex. You don't really want me just hanging around, and I'm not--I'm not trying to treat you like anything else, I just know we need some, I dunno, time? To re-sort ourselves out.

Goddammit, Church.

[ She rolls her eyes, frowning. ]

I don't mind if you're hanging around. Just don't stare at me. It makes me feel like...like...

[ She knows how it makes her feel, but she doesn't know how to say it in a way that doesn't blame him for being in a robot. She looks fully off to the side. ]

Fuck.

Then you can just say 'hey dipshit, quit staring at me' instead of acting...weird!

[ She turns her head back to look at him, scowling. ]

Fuck off, okay? I was just trying to—

[ She cuts herself off. ]

You know, whatever. Go somewhere else, just go away, see if I give a shit.

[ Which is, of course, her way of saying, 'please stay with me, I want you here,' but who ever said she was good at expressing her emotions? She'd tried and it had turned into an argument anyway. ]

That's about the most you thing you've said this whole time. I'll stop fucking staring. But I kinda live here, so you're just gonna have to put up with me being here.

[ She shakes her head, rolling her eyes again. ]

The hell is that supposed to mean? If I said it, it's a me thing.

I mean the nice thing you've been doing, which, again, that's not a bad thing, just...a thing to get used to, for me, who isn't used to you being nice. It's fine, it's okay, there's just a lot of weirdness going on.

[ She arches an eyebrow. ]

Look. I just figured we had some shit to sort out and being a bitch about it wasn't going to help. If that's too 'nice'—

[ she says the word like she's talking about something filthy or distasteful ]

—then I don't know what to tell you.

[ She's incredibly frustrated now. It seems no matter how they reunite, it always goes wrong. ]

Okay! Okay. We'll...sort out our shit and you don't have to be a bitch and I'll try not to be an asshole. It'll work out. 's just a weird point we're going through right now.

[ That seems to mollify her. She had been gritting her teeth, she realizes. She relaxes her jaw. ]

Okay.

[ She looks at him for another moment, then stifles a sigh. ]

Okay.

[ She turns and walks over to sit on the bed. ]

Come here and sit down and we'll talk.

You want--you wanna work it out right now? Like, right now, sit down and talk about shit?

[Whatever happened to repressing everything until it becomes therapy-worthy? He's starting to miss those days already.]

Um. Sure. [He comes over and sits, awkwardly.

[ She sits back against the wall and curls up, her knees in front of her chest. Rolling her eyes, she watches him as he perches on the edge of the bed. ]

We don't have to if you'd rather not. I just thought it'd be good to. But hey, maybe it'd be better to wait until we're fighting about something unrelated and then drop bombshells on each other to piss each other off.

Man, I'm already doing that with Wash enough as it is; I don't need that on another front.

Okay, so...okay. [He drums his fingers on his knees.] Where do we start?

I don't know.

[ It's been well over a year since she saw him last and she's experienced too much in that time to have immediate-aftermath-of-the-EMP stuff on her mind. Actually, the main thing she keeps thinking about is how she's moved on without him, how she had a boyfriend on the Moira before she woke up here, and how hard seeing him again is under these circumstances because of that. All stuff she's definitely not going to address. ]

I don't want to compare you to other versions of you, so...

[ She shifts uncomfortably, placing a hand on her mouth. ]

Maybe this is a mistake. Goddammit.

[ She moves onto her knees, tucking her feet underneath herself, so she can shift to be right next to him on the edge of the bed. ]

Just...

[ She takes his hand, like earlier, hangs on to three of the fingers. ]

...forget it.

[ She doesn't know whether he can tell she's omitting things by the expression on her face, but really, when is she ever not omitting things? ]

...No, c'mon, let's actually give this a shot, okay? It...it might be too soon, and we're both kinda fucked up, but at least let's try and put some effort into it, okay? [He lifts her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze in return.] Not like you to give up at the word 'go'.

So. Maybe first thing is, uh. Other versions of me. Be...because Wash already said I got... [replaced] That Epsilon lived on and sort of got adopted to be like me. So, yeah, I don't want you to think of me like other potential versions of me when I'm just...me. All I knew before waking up a month ago was the EMP.

You. In the Meta's head. And all...the others, besides Epsilon.

Wait, Epsilon what?

[ She had never been told this part by the Washington she had known. She plans to address the rest of what he'd said but first, that. ]

Uh...the guys never took Epsilon to the UNSC, and Caboose got him to wake up and he thought he was me?

Wow. Wow. I knew they didn't take him and turn him in, but not that part.

[ She shakes her head. ]

That really does mean we died for nothing, doesn't it? Nothing at all.

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