lifeaftr | don't you know who I think I am

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don't you know who I think I am

Who: Church, Ignis, Ardyn, and some animals
What: Ignis invited the blue menace to find out what the hell chocobos are and why would you call them ostriches. Also, apocalypse boyfriend is there.
When: Couple days after this, call it 3/20
Where: Islet 1, Cottage 2
Warnings: Church's filthy mouth

[So! No free meal for Church because of not being able to eat, but still an invitation to come visit and see these giant ostrich-chocobos for himself. Were people all so friendly and trusting around here? Aside from killer plants, it all seemed...so peaceful. The people seem peaceful. Maybe it's just a side effect of having to rebuild society one brick at a time, but god, it sure is weird to see.

But anything to get out of the house he's sharing with Wash. The atmosphere sure gets too stuffy to bear with the weight of everything left unsaid between them. And maybe he should get to know the neighbors and shit like that. Maybe people here will be less infuriating. So far it sure seems to be the case.

He's pretty sure he's got the right place.] Hello? [It's not like there's a doorbell. He's pretty sure there isn't anyway. Knock on the door!] Uh, it's Church, from the--the rockie-talkie? Here about some big birds?

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[Speaking of killer plants, have you meet a tigerlily yet, Church? If not, you are about to. Three hundred some odd pounds of plant-feline who was taught to be a therapy animal for Gladio and Ignis and has become even more protective of the latter after the former left the island. Fortunately, Leo knows well that people who come to visit the cottage are usually invited, so the low grumble in his throat is more greeting than warning. He sits himself in the doorway making it clear that until Ignis comes, you shall not pass.

Fortunately, Ignis isn't too far behind, following Leo's low growl to the door and then scratching behind the animal's ears.]

Please forgive the welcoming committee and come in.

[He snaps his fingers off away from the door and Leo grumbles, but gets up and wanders off.]

Lets have you meet Ardyn first since one of the chocobos is his, shall we?

[It's a damn good thing Wash's tigerlily was apparently also being trained for therapy and has gotten pretty comfy being a warm spot for plant-catte to lay on when she's not tending to two fucked up individuals. Warm robot good. The greeting noise is, alas, kind of concerning, but Shion was insistent that they aren't going to attack and even if they got spooked they'd just put you to sleep.

So. This is fine. If alarming. Perhaps a little more alarming is Ignis' face. Good thing Church himself doesn't have a face. (Not...that it matters.)]

You trained a giant cat? That's impressive. You like an animal whisperer or something? [He has no idea so like...it might be entirely possible. He's happy to come in even if this entire thing is awkward, this is so social with neighbors meeting in quaint houses instead of jackasses sequestered in bases.] Might as well meet the guy I keep hearing about now and then. Just, namedropping, not anything bad. Or good.

That's certainly interesting. Usually people only speak poorly of me behind my back.

[He might have seemed to come out of nowhere, unless one was paying close enough attention to the shadows. Or to the large black bird at his side nibbling on some kind of leaf. Ardyn looked over Church and raised an eyebrow, his next words aimed at Ignis.]

I feel compelled to inform you this one's a robot, just to avoid any potential confusion.

Edited 2019-03-27 21:17 (UTC)

[Oh yes, sorry about the lack of warning on his face, Church. Considering this is his home, Ignis is wearing neither sunglasses nor visor to hide any of the scarring. It's actually a step forward for him. He used to try to hide them everywhere. Now it's a little easier not to feel the need to do so all the time.

At least those scars and the obvious blindness explain Leo's over-protectiveness some.]

To be fair, he was much smaller when Gladio started training him. Just a kitten.

[There is a slight hesitation before Ignis says Gladio's name. Obviously, whoever he is, he's no longer on the islands and it's something Ignis still isn't over. He certainly covers for the slip quickly enough by turning and giving Ardyn a 'look,' though.]

Yes, I'm aware. He told me as much when I offered to make some food for him when he visited. Honestly, there is something quite sad about a chef being surrounded by people who don't have to eat.

[Church takes a half-step back at Ardyn's appearance.] Okay, hi, let's just ninja out of the shadows, cool. So. Hi. I'm Church. I'm aaaaa...I know Agent Washington. Same world, that sort of thing. And yes, I'm a robot. In a robot. It's a long, exhausting, stupid story.

...Ssssso. [He waves a finger between the two.] You uh. You cook? [...Maybe he's not actually blind??] Annnnd you don't do food? Aaaaaand I'm guessing that's the giant chicken ostrich chocobo bird.

Hm...the one from the labyrinth. I believe I'm familiar.

[He didn't address the question of food, chocobo coming up to Church to investigate.]

Her name is Hresvelgr.

Ardyn and I are also from the same world.

[As if that wasn't probably fairly clear with how at ease Ardyn is with the chocobo before she trots over to investigate Church.]

If you are from the same world as Agent Washington, does that mean you also know CT? Pardon, I mean Agent Connecticut?

[Gladio called her that so much, Ignis just got used to it.]

Hresvelgr is the oldest chocobo on the island. She's been an adult for a while now. The other two chocobos that still live with us, Tiana and Leilani, are adolescents and will be so for a few more months.

Gesundheit. [what's a hresvelgr] Looks like a chocobo really is basically an ostrich. Bit bigger, I think? Lot more feathers on the head. Hi, baby. [He sticks a hand out like one would introduce themselves to an unfamiliar dog or cat. How do birds do?]

I only know a couple other Freelancers personally. Never met a Connecticut.

[It seemed as good an introduction as any, Hresvelgr ducking her head and nuzzling up to Church's hand. Ardyn frowned, and under his breath:]

What the hell is an ostrich?

I have no clue. He mentioned an 'emucory' or something like that too.

[There's an apologetic cast to his expression when he turns back toward Church. Sorry man, he's pretty sure you were just making words up.]

I suppose that makes sense. It would be like expecting me to know every member of the Crownsguard, I suspect. It was worth a shot. She was a good friend to Gladio and I while she was here.

Oh my god, this. This big bird. Is basically an ostrich. Just with more feathers. Yeaaah, you're a big feathery baby, huh? [Though he doesn't have any problem with a big tigerlily laying on him, it takes no time at all to be fine with big birds. Hresvelgr doesn't look like she was made to eviscerate him. Good bird, more pets for you.] Little bigger, too. Like, I'm pretty sure you could ride an ostrich, but I don't think they were necessarily built for that.

And given there were, like, fifty Freelancers--fourty-nine?--no, I definitely don't know them all. Or many of them. And most if not all the ones I do know personally or raging dickbags in some form or another.

Hm...it occurs to me I may have been familiar with Connecticut, if only briefly. We were far from close, to say the least--she seemed more concerned with the fact that she knew me in another world like this one.

She is obviously not much like an 'ostrich' if you must adjust the description that much.

[There's a mischievous grin on Ignis face. He obviously understands what Church is trying to say. At this point, he's just teasing because he can. After a moment though, he turns his attention back to Ardyn. It's a good thing that Hresvelgr is taking to Church well considering how easily Ignis and Ardyn keep getting distracted.]

Wait a moment, did she know the same version of you as the elder Noctis who was here did?

[Now that he thinks on it, she had mentioned knowing a Noctis, hadn't she? He'd just not realized which she meant at the time.]

Man--I've heard of Ardyn. I've heard the name before. Just wish someone would've warned me about you. [Ignis, apparently the blind man bird whisperer, is a menace.]

I just wanna say that I'm like. Super afraid of the idea that Freelancers have gone dimension-hopping. That's bad news all around.

Unless there should be two of me wandering the worlds adopting people, and I find that quite unlikely, I think it safe to say she did.

[He raised an eyebrow at Church at the comment about Ignis, as if daring him to elaborate if he wanted to be dismantled and used for spare parts.]

...I can take a wild guess what Washington may have told you of me. I'm a bit surprised he's the one you think you needed the warning for. Most people don't figure that out until later.

[Ardyn was not really under much illusion about who was the more dangerous one here.]

To be fair, most people would also rather avoid accidentally upsetting their healer and chef at the same time. It's generally not a good idea if you want to stay alive.

[Oh, he's definitely a menace and he loves it. Like right now? Those sentences were delivered in a completely deadpan tone. It's pretty impossible to tell if he is being completely honest or merely joking.]

If you're a doctor, does that make Ardyn your nurse? [No one, for various reasons, can see the smirk on his nonexistent face. But it's definitely there.] How's your bedside manner?

Oh, nothing of the sort. I’m the healer people come to when they’re out of options. Like a back-alley Gralean dentist that won’t tell you where he graduated from and doesn’t entirely seem to have anything sterilized.

[ardyn where the fuck did THAT come from]

I also specialize in engineering, in case something terrible befalls that fascinating worksmanship of yours.

[There is a flicker of something on Ignis' face when Ardyn starts and just keeps going. Something not as amused as it would be if he could completely disregard that as a joke. It's something they will have to talk about when they are alone, though.]

Magical healing has far fewer rules and regulations than normal healing does.

[That said, Ignis moves to the door so he can lean out it, calling for the two chocobos who haven't joined them yet.]

Leilain! Tiana! Here girls!

...I'm both put more and way less at ease at the same time. Magical healing and shady alleyway dentistry, huh? Probably better you're the doc...healer? The not-licensed-practitioner and Ignis is the nurse.

I'll keep the engineering in mind, though. Hopefully I don't have another bomb inside my gut.

[He had genuinely been joking--Ardyn just hadn't quite mastered the line between things that were funny and things that were funny to him.]

...I do hope that's not a common occurrence.

[At least Ardyn's trying. He'll get there...someday.]

Goodness. That takes self-destruction to a whole new level.

[If Ignis is going to say more, he finds himself interrupted by the sound of an excited pair of warks. He steps out of the doorway just in time to let two adolescent chocobos--one pale blue and one purple--barrel into the cottage.]

Hey, I didn't build this body with aaaaaaaaugh-

[One bird, good and calm? That's fine. Add into the house two more birds, being young shitheads?] Whoa there, little doggies, I don't have any treats on me, go bug your dad. Dads?

[... He looks between Ignis and Ardyn.] Rrrroommates?

[Deadpan:] That is by definition a technically correct term one could use.

We really don't bother much with labels around here.

[There are reasons for that, but Ignis is far too amused by the chocobos swarming Church to go into it. Instead, he snaps his fingers a couple of times to get the girls' attention so they will come away for some of the leaves Ardyn was feeding Hresvelgr earlier.

Don't say he never did anything but give you a hard time, Church.]

Ah.

[So, It's Complicated, then. He can respect that!]

Man, you sure, uh...you sure like your birds. Do you actually ride them around?

Haven't had the strictest need to, but it's quite possible even without a saddle if one's skilled enough. Is that so strange?

[So very complicated.]

Indeed. In fact, chocobos are one of the main methods of getting around in areas where it would be difficult for vehicles to travel. While they are not the most dangerous of animals, they will fight when the need arises, and as you may guess, being on the wrong end of those feet would not be a pleasant experience for man or beast.

Oh! We have those--not, like, riding birds, but birds that can and will fuck you up with their feet. But yeah, the saddling up birds thing is weird. Are they better than horses? I guess they take up less space...

[Even if he couldn’t see it, the look of confusion aimed at Ignis for a moment was so strong as to practically be audible. Ardyn looked back at Church, raising an eyebrow like he wasn’t fully sure which of them was insane.]

What, pray tell, is a horse.

Ah, horses.

[Ardyn is lucky. This one Ignis actually can answer.]

They are something like hornless duplicorns. Apparently on some worlds, people are crazy enough to tame them instead of chocobos.

[Really crazy. One might even call them insane.]

Laurent and his partner have a couple they care quite a bit about. I've not see them, of course, but their similarities to duplicorns must be rather obvious. After all, Prompto nearly had a heart attack when he saw me on Laurent's horse shortly after we arrived.

Dupli--you have two-horned unicorns where you come from? Seriously?

That absurd thing? I didn’t think he actually rode it.

[The fuck.]

They’re terribly aggressive things, duplicorns. I’ve heard tell of attempts to domesticate them in the past, but as you expect they usually end in someone being maimed.

Edited (gotdamn phone tags) 2019-04-16 15:01 (UTC)

What's a unicorn?

[And who's on second?]

Horses are apparently a fair bit more docile, but they are still quite dangerous. I'm certain, I wouldn't want one of them kicking me with those hooves.

...Horse with a horn on its head. Uni- and -corn. Mythological being. We have other things with horns, but not horses. And no. No, you don't wanna get kicked by those. They'll break your ribs at best if they really land one. But once you break 'em in, so long as you don't spook them, they're good!

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don't you know who I think I am

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