January Event: Fade to Black

[lifeaftr_mods]

JANUARY EVENT: FADE TO BLACK

Who: Anyone and everyone!
What: Your true self comes to roost
When: January 21st - 23rd; January 25th - 28th
Where: All over!
Warnings: Dark subjects such as violence and self-destruction are likely to come to the forefront - please mark your content accordingly!

Down in that Darkness

This log is primarily for the Shadow and Light portions of the event, for ease and convenience. Your Shadow can be either the Persona-inspired sort - a "brutal, bitterly honest recreation of a character's worst flaws, darkest fears, and deepest secrets" - or the edgier, more laughable variant. The Lights, on the other hand, will do their utmost to convince their real selves of their best qualities, no matter how little they want to hear them.

Remember that the Shadows will be present from January 21st to January 23rd, and the Lights will be present from January 25th to January 28th.

On January 25th, we will post a separate log for Rejection Rooms!

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Some useful links, for reference:

[ ♆ ] OOC Event Post
[ ♆ ] Rejection Room Sign-Ups; remember to note your interest in these as soon as possible!
[ ♆ ] Deaths Page; death penalties have been reduced for the duration of this event, but still do let us know if your character dies regardless!

Event Timeline

[ ♆ ] January 20th: The monthly Storytelling occurs.
[ ♆ ] January 21st: Shadows of both initial variants appear.
[ ♆ ] January 23rd: Shadows of both initial variants disappear.
[ ♆ ] January 25th Lights and Rejection Rooms appear.
[ ♆ ] January 28th: Lights and Rejection Rooms dissipate. Those still trapped in their Rejection Rooms by the event's end will suffer a character death.

LOGS ● OOC ● STORIES ● MAIN NAVIGATION

( CODED BY BOOTYCALL )

Comments

[jelliclerats]

[ His hands slide into his pockets. His true self keeps so much a secret, even from Shion. That's no good. Shion has a better chance at making him accept this side than even his light. ]

Before then, before we attacked the city, a group of traveling musicians passed through and let me sing with them. They offered to let me leave with them. I wanted to, but I couldn't leave her. She saved me.

[ Nezumi stayed more out of loyalty than hatred, surprisingly enough. His hatred grew more in prison, turning him into the kid Shion first met. ]

Shion, he doesn't hate you. He wants to. He's tried. When he realized how much he thought about that night, he tried his best to connect you to the city, to make you the enemy. He knows how to handle enemies. They used to scare him, especially when he came back and she was dead. He had to figure out how to be safe as a kid. But you scare him more, now. You can hurt him more then they ever could.

[savedbyasong]

I know... [Nezumi was scared of him. It hurts almost as much as knowing that Nezumi doesn't love him. Even if he doesn't hate him. It's still... He's right not to trust him, not fear him. Shion has done awful things.

He had killed Reno, a man who was like a father to him, if he could do that... He was not safe. He knew he was not safe. He knew how much he could hurt Nezumi.]

I have hurt him... I know I have and I wish... I wish I could not... I don't want to leave him alone but I also... I want him to be safe, to feel safe.

[And he didn't feel safe around Shion. He was right not to.]

[jelliclerats]

You don't know. I hope you find your version of me, too. You need to learn a lot of things. You shouldn't hate yourself, and you have to be strong.

But he isn't afraid because he thinks you can hurt him. He's afraid because he hasn't cared about anybody since the old woman died. Maybe he didn't care about her, either. It's harder to tell as a child.

[ Steely eyes look in his direction. ]

But you have to decide if it's worth it. You've made an opening, but there are a lot more doors. Even before the Correctional Facility, he was guarded. Once he returned to the Western District, a lone child with no money, he grew harder. He'd tell you he isn't your responsibility, but he comes with responsibility anyway.

[savedbyasong]

[He doesn't know. There's so much he doesn't know but... He has to be strong, stronger. He's confused, does Nezumi hate him or care about him? Both? It could be both.

Was it worth it? Yes. A thousand times over. Nezumi. Every Nezumi deserved love. Deserved to know that they were cared for.

Now that Shion knew where he had come from, knew what had happened. His conviction was even stronger. No one should be alone and Nezumi had been alone for a very long time.]

You become forever responsible for what you've tamed. [He's not sure if Nezumi has ever read The Little Prince. It's not a book Shion had seen in his library. Nezumi like Ceej was a rose, beautiful and wonderful and protected by thorns.]

I won't give up on him.

[jelliclerats]

You don't have to make that promised. But I hope you can help him. It's probably going to take a really long time. You'll be helping somebody who feels like your advice would only make him weaker. In his world, it would. He's not wrong about that, Shion. In the Western District, he can only grow so soft. He didn't always ignore the dead bodies in the streets. He'd stop and check on them at first. Sometimes, they'd play dead and when he got close, they'd grab him. The old lady was around to protect him then. She was vengeful, but she taught him how to care for himself.

[ That's just one example of how Nezumi had changed over time. It took a lot of hard lessons to make him as capable as he is today. ]

But he wants to protect you, too. That's why he sent out the rats. He didn't think he'd ever actually have to do anything, but he'd watch to make sure. When he realized something was happening, he didn't even plan as long as usual. He trusted his instincts and threw a quick plan of action together.

But he checked. Every night he sent them out, no matter how late he worked or what happened that day. He cares for you, but he only does it when you can't see.

[savedbyasong]

[He can imagine that. As much as Nezumi is tough he can see him as he once was, a child stopping to help people. Learning the hard way that the world was cruel.

When Shion was still sheltered and pampered and living in luxury. The thought makes him sick.

The rest... Only a few days ago Nezumi... His shadow, had told Shion just how much he cared about Shion. Not at all. Yet his light claimed that he did.

How could a person despise him so much and yet send rats out to check on him every day for four years. It is exhausting to even think about.] I won't give up on him though, even if it takes all the time we have here. And when he goes back to his world. [Because he would, Shion was determined they would escape.] He will have the Shion there, he won't give up on him either.

[Because there isn't a Shion who is not capable of caring for Nezumi.]

[jelliclerats]

I've already said it's not a promise you have to make. It won't make a difference if you make it. Nezumi can't trust words. They're hollow. Even the word 'love'. He'll only believe it after he sees it happen.

He already has, a little. The night that we came through your window, you didn't ask for anything. We came in, ready to take the medical care, but you weren't afraid at all. Instead, you helped us and didn't ask for a kiss or anything. It's the most selfless thing he'd ever seen.

Nezumi, the whole me, seems cold, but to us, it's more than no one else has ever wanted to be around us without wanting something else. At least, not since the village was burnt. Even the old lady wanted us to help her get revenge.

[ Nezumi's steely eyes looked toward the small area they were walking through. It still felt dangerous to drop their guard at all, and he's the happier side of Nezumi. ]

I'm telling all of this because he won't, and I think you're the best chance he has at accepting any kind of real light. We weren't born this way, Shion, but this is how we are now. As much as he teases you about a lot of your traits, he doesn't want you to change, he doesn't want you to be tainted by his world.

[savedbyasong]

[It's a little bit too late for that. Shion has changed. Nezumi might not see it, still sees Shion as the naive child in need of rescuing. But Shion knows he is not. He has died many times, he has killed, he has wanted to kill.

He had thought that Nezumi would want him to, he has always wanted to be a strong person, a person Nezumi could rely on. But now this light told him Nezumi didn't want him to change...

Nezumi couldn't trust words, he could only trust actions so Shion had to continue showing him. Love him without expecting love in return.

He supposed that was his biggest flaw, he had wanted love in return. Wanted Nezumi to care for him and trust in him. But Nezumi couldn't trust anyone, especially someone from No. 6. Everyone had expected something of him.

So if Shion truly loved Nezumi he had to prove it, with actions not words. No matter if Nezumi despised him in return.]

I'll do my best, I'll show him by actions.

[Love without expecting anything in return. He wants to think he is capable of it, but he knows he gets frustrated when Nezumi insists on treating him like a naive child, when he dismisses his abilities. He has to work on that. To be better.

Shion has been working on being better for a long time, it's a slow and painful progress but he won't give up and this is just one more step.]

[jelliclerats]

But don't lie, either.

[ It feels like giving out a laundry list, but the light is working to tell Shion as much as he can before he goes away. It's so important that Nezumi let Shion in if the light ever has a chance of being a real part of Nezumi. Shion is the key to happiness.

Nezumi, or the light of, frowns. ]

What you were doing was working. You don't have to change, you just have to keep being you. That's who Nezumi fell for, and that's who he'll always want to be with. He doesn't show it because we're not very good at showing it. But he doesn't like the world as it is. He thinks he does because it's what he knows, but when he saw you, he saw the world as it could be. That's why he likes books so much.

[ Is he making sense at all? This doesn't come naturally to him. ]

But he won't like it if you change yourself into what he wants, even with what I'm saying. He doesn't want someone who just does everything he asks. We have people like that.

[ The light stops and turns to face Shion before placing a hand on both of Shion's shoulders. ]

You're enough. As you are.

[savedbyasong]

[Just keep on being him. It's difficult advice because Shion can't see that himself is someone Nezumi would like. Shion doesn't even like himself half the time.

But the light is saying... Nezumi fell for him. Even the naive child that he had been. He doesn't want Shion to change and be what Nezumi says he wants him to be. He just needs to be himself.

He is enough? How could Shion ever be enough? How could he be someone that Nezumi would care for?

Yet he's seen his future, multiple futures and yes. In every one of them Nezumi leaves. Sometimes he dies but mostly he leaves, voluntarily. But... He cried when Shion died. He wouldn't do that, if he didn't care.

It's hard and confusing but Shion is determined to try his best. Because Nezumi deserves happiness and if Shion can bring that to him.

Then he will do everything in his power to make it be so.]

Thank you. For telling me all of this.