The Saddening

[want_to_belong]

Who: Prompto, Chocobros, OTA
What: Event catchall for Prompto stuff
When: Over the duration of the event
Where: Mostly around the chocobro house
Warnings: Angst, pain, sad saps, sickness, potentially very poorly done confessions to girls. Dates may vary depending on what happens over the event.

August 6~7 - Running off - Chocobros
Prompto messily scrawled the words on a piece of wood using chalk from the noticeboard.

"Going to help unbury people. I'm fine."

The piece of wood was left at their house when no one was there and he snuck off. As soon as he started showing symptoms he knew he had to do something. He couldn't get Ignis or Gladio sick, but he didn't want them to worry about him. He couldn't live with himself if something happened to the guys because of him.

At first his intentions were true. He figured he might as well go help with the new people. That changed quickly as his symptons worsened. It felt like he was getting hit by a fever, and he decided to take a detour instead, looking for some small bit of cover that he could hide under and curl up. He'd really rather be snuggled up in a bed. His mind wandered off, thinking of all the cozy hotel rooms they used to stay in, all curled up in blankets. The best he had for now was his winter coat, which was at least warm if nothing else.

August 10~11 - Confessions - Chocobros
After being dragged back home and spending much of the time trying to become one with the few scrappy blankets they had, they had eventually learned that honesty was a cure. How did that even work? He half wondered if it was a bad joke. He didn't really think of himself as dishonest. He might put up a front or hide, but he was just trying to help his friends. He wasn't trying to be bad.

There was a lot he hid, of course, and he didn't even know where to begin. What would he have to say to make the sickness go away? Rather than sit up, he stayed curled up on the ground of their 'living room' of sorts, using one of the pillows they had from the tent as a headrest. He wasn't the big tough guy. He handled illness like a big baby - but at least a mostly quiet one. If he had a plush he would have happily been hugging it.

His eyes lazily followed the going-on's while he remained mostly silent, until he finally confessed quietly, "'m glad I'm home."

August 12~15 - Confessions - Girls
Sitting out by the water, Prompto half wondered if it would be easier to stay quiet and die rather than be open and honest to everyone. On the best of days he had trouble talking to girls, and they tended to travel in packs which was scary and intimidating. In his mind it was so easy - just tell the girls that he thought were pretty that he thought they were pretty. In practice he might have an easier time trying to digest a pile of dirt. Rejection was a lot more tolerable when he didn't take it seriously.

It didn't help that he found most girls his age attractive. It wasn't as if he even stuck that strictly to his own age - Iris had been 16, and Aranea had been 30. It wasn't his fault all girls were so damn pretty. It was unfair! The odds were stacked against him from the start.

He noticably tensed whenever a girl neared him, fearing confessing to them more than death itself. Moreso than usual. If he was rejected this time, it was really him they'd be rejecting. He couldn't dare to actually approach, so he sat by the water, choking back the symptoms of the illness while he skipped some rocks.

August 12~15 - Confessions - OTA
Prompto tended to keep negative feelings to himself. He didn't like to insult people, didn't like confrontation and didn't like to hurt anyone. Even when he was in pain he resisted. He wasn't the type to lash out.

Which made the whole honesty thing that much harder. He might end up burning a few bridges. Because of hurty limbs and overall aching, he stayed near the house with his back pressed up to a wall. He stayed mostly reserved, but he wouldn't ignore anyone who approached.

Comments

[suspecteverything]

"There are very few people in the entire Ichidian Universe that I've done something to them before they hated me. Nobody ever needs a reason. Don't really figure you do either."

He'd long since accepted that fact and started to believe it as face. There was really no point in changing now.

A frown crossed his face.

"You make that sound like not being human is a problem of some kind or another. Humans do tend to have a slight superiority complex toward other races, but they aren't alone in that. Most species think they're better than anyone else."

[want_to_belong]

This might be hard to explain. His experience at home was a lot different than here.

"Back home we don't really have elves or, spider ladies... not Muffet's type, or, like, other races like that. It's just humans, and uh, animals, and... robots."

Not being human would put him in one of the other two categories, neither of which seemed very flattering. "I mean, there's the Astrals and stuff, but I know I'm not a god. It's... It's hard to explain. What I might be might be a... bad thing." He frowned. "I might've... I might've been made to hurt people."

A lot of 'might's in there tried to distance him from it. Jullien didn't exactly know his world, so he didn't have to tell him all of the details about it. He could at least explain in a vague way where he wouldn't have to admit everything.

[suspecteverything]

"Not that I care what race you belong to other than human, but if it makes you feel any better, you're not a robot of any type. Definitely nothing electronic or computerized within you."

It was the second question that was more important to Jules. It was one that actually involved less thought than the first too.

"Does it matter if you were? What you are doing is what matters. If the whole purpose of your birth, or your training, or your life was supposed to be to harm others, then the fact that you aren't stands for even more in my mind that in would for any other person. Don't let someone dictate what you should and shouldn't be. That type of shit pisses me off."

[want_to_belong]

"Yeah..."

Weak as it was, he understood what Jullien was saying. It just wasn't easy yet. He wasn't sure if it ever would be. Rubbing his arm for a moment, he bobbed his head slightly in thought before saying more, "Gladio and Iggy are the only ones who know about it. And Noct. But he's not here right now. I've never told anyone about what I am. ...I'm not even sure what I am."

He pursed his lips tightly, then glanced up. "Don't tell anyone, all right?"

He wasn't sure if that was anything he was ready to handle yet.

[suspecteverything]

"What you are doesn't matter. It isn't going to change how you act or what you think of yourself. I'm not going to lie and say it might change what other people who don't know you think, but a lot of the world is assholes. You can let their judgments mean whatever you want, and piece of advice, you shouldn't let it mean shit."

He folded his arms behind his head and leaned back.

"It's not exactly like I'm bursting with friends here, chizzi. I talk to very few people as a rule, unless it's to give someone shit. Trust me, I won't share your secrets."

[want_to_belong]

"Yeah, I'm still trying to get used to that idea. I didn't really know much until recently... Just knew I didn't belong when I was growing up." He frowned. Though he had plenty he could complain about with his childhood, it was the only one he knew and it hadn't been all bad. He'd found some happiness, and eventually made a friend.

"My friends know. And they haven't left." He took a deep breath. "Still. I don't exactly wanna advertise it or anything. I don't want to scare anyone."

Maybe it was different here but he was still used to home and how people felt there.

"You're not sick?"

[suspecteverything]

"Not belonging doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your race or species."

Sure, he was of a mixed species, but so was his brother. Nyk would have been just fine until their grandmother had fucked everything up. Jules hadn't belonged from birth.

"You're not over 7 feet tall, over 300 pounds of muscle, with fangs, claws, and glowing red eyes. Trust me, you aren't going to scare anyone just because you're not technically human."

A quirked smile flashed across his face.

"Sick in the head according to most."

[want_to_belong]

"Uh..." He paused for a second. He didn't have red glowy eyes, but what he was supposed to become did. "Yeah, none of that. ...Luckily. Unless I'm a nightlight and no one's told me."

Letting out a deep breath, he pushed against the wall to try and force himself up. It wasn't easy, but at the very least he was able to get there, even if he was pretty stiff.

"I haven't seen you do anything sick. Except, you know, if you mean sick, 'cause fire breath is kinda sick."

[suspecteverything]

"Trust me. You'd know. People give you really odd looks."

He knew from experience. For him though, the red eyes actually made him more acceptable in his society.

"Yeah, well, I'm not know for the best decision making skills."

[want_to_belong]

"Clearly you need to get yourself an Ignis. Leave all the decision-making stuff up to him."

Even though Ignis wasn't the king. But even if the king relied on him, that was cool, right?

"...Comes with some pretty awesome recipes, too."

[suspecteverything]

"I spent enough of my life letting other people make decisions and run my life. I have no intention of letting that happen ever again."

It had gotten him into a lot of trouble, both by his own fault and not.

"That would be one of the few things I have more than enough of."

Jules openly admitted that he was a pretty good cook, and he rarely admitted to things he was good at.

[want_to_belong]

"Guess you have to be careful who you trust. ...I got kinda lucky."

The first people he made friends with were good people. Who knew where he could have ended up if they weren't?

"Really, you cook? Do you use the fire breath stuff for that?"

[suspecteverything]

"Or you just don't trust anybody. Works pretty well most of the time."

And it was a philosophy he generally lived by. Of course his life had made it a rather necessary one.

"Spent a lot of my youth in the kitchen, and the chef didn't completely hate me. Or at least she tolerated me. That was better than most. And no, I don't use it for that, though it's come in handy here to start a fire."

[want_to_belong]

"...Can't judge you, there. It's a lonely life like that, though. It's... better to have friends."

It was about the closest he got to trying to pressure someone else. He didn't want to be overly critical. He just knew how much it sucked to be alone all the time. "I don't get why people were like that where you were, but now that you're here it should be no big deal. People shouldn't hate you for no reason You could make lots of friends now."

[suspecteverything]

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty content being alone at this point. You get used to it after the amount of time I've lived that way."

He was older than he looked, and other than perhaps 5 years the life he'd described was the one he'd lived.

"Kind of hard to make a lot of friends when you're an asshole. Not going to deny that one's true."

[want_to_belong]

"You've never been an ass to me," he answered a little quietly, not being very forceful about it. Didn't want to announce that too loud and ruin his bad reputation. HIs truer, shyer nature came through as he fiddled with his fingers in front of himself. "I know what it's like to grow up alone, and it doesn't compare to having friends. So. Consider it?"

[suspecteverything]

"Don't worry. I've got friends, though I think all of us would basically just call each other family at this point."

The amusing thing was that none of the three of them liked people, wanted friends, or had anyone else. They all knew they were assholes and didn't understand why anyone else would deal with them.

[want_to_belong]

"Sounds good. Sometimes people have to make their own families."

He would know considering he arrived with his 'bros'. No judging that from his side. He glanced to the side a bit, fingers playing with each other. "So you've been okay through all of this?"

[suspecteverything]

Jules shrugged.

"Pretty much. Certainly no flowers on me. If what people are saying is the actual cause though, I can see why I'm not sick. Opening my damn mouth and being honest isn't one of my problems. I'm more of a throw it all in someone's face and deal with the physical blow back of it than torturing myself by keeping quiet."

He was also honest about his own downfalls, and they were many. His problem was not seeing the good in himself.

[want_to_belong]

"Heh. Probably not bad to live like that."

Rolling his shoulders, he tried to rubbed away some of the stiffness.

"Y'know, it's funny. I never really thought of myself as a liar. I just... wanted to get along with people."

It had been more about self-protection than anything else, but he had refrained from telling the guys a lot about himself before and put up a front. For all that he did, he never thought he was being malicious.

[suspecteverything]

"Not sure I would consider that being a liar either, but there's definitely something for pure honesty. Sometimes it's fine line between protecting their feelings and being real."

He paused a second and considered everything.

"Or were you talking about hiding something about you to make sure people got along with you?"

He had gotten some vague flicker of that through his head, but hadn't wanted to mentally dig deeper into it.

[want_to_belong]

"Mostly the whole 'being an outsider' thing. I didn't always know what it meant. I mostly knew I was adopted and I was different. I just wanted to be part of Lucis, though, and kinda hoped no one would notice."

He sighed. "I didn't really know anything about where I was from as a kid. I only learned about that before I ended up here." He glanced down at the ground for a moment. It brought back a lot of bad memories of being dumped unceremoniously out in the frozen tundra just to find out he'd been a science experiment. Unconsciously he bit his lip. "...'s kinda disconcerting. Knowing that the soldiers you've been fighting and killing... that you could have been any one of them. I don't know why I was the one who was rescued."

[suspecteverything]

"By random whim of fate or the gods or whatever you want to call it. That's how most of life is, really. Some people draw the lucky straw, others the shit one. A lot of the time there isn't any logical reason for it."

There was a reason why he'd been the hated twin while his brother had always been loved, but it hadn't necessarily been logical.

[want_to_belong]

"Yeah." He sighed through his nose. "Yeah. I know. It's just hard not to think about."

He was a baby. He had no participation in his escape. It was just something that happened to him for some reason and no one else. It gave a sense of helplessness to it all.

"...Sorry, don't mean to be a downer or anything."

[suspecteverything]

"If that's what you would consider a downer you should consider yourself pretty damn lucky. It sucks, sure, but I have tougher skin than to be bothered by that. Don't think I'm annoyed that you shared it."

Jules didn't want to make light of what Prompto had shared, but he honestly hadn't considered the discussion a downer at all. Prompto's story barely even falls in the middle category of bad things he has heard of experienced. Discussing something that registered so low on his scale certainly doesn't depress him or anything.