Ignis talks about the hurt like it's something he can just let go of, surrender and let it float away and it's frustrating. The only way he's been able to keep going for years has been to bury it all inside, to push it down and away and work himself ragged so he never really has time to think about it at all, never mind process it. It's... absolutely terrifying, to think of just putting all of it out in the open, all of his weaknesses on display.
Especially when Ignis could ruin him so easily with any one of them.
And that's almost more frightening, knowing that somewhere, deep down, there's part of him that doesn't trust Ignis not to hurt him. It would be so easy and he honestly doesn't know how he'd survive it a second time. It's easier, safer, to keep everything closed and locked away.
Ignis wants him to just lay himself bare like it's magically going to fix something when he knows nothing will change, he'll only make himself more vulnerable. And Ignis doesn't want to know what things have been like, the depths of the darkness they've been living in. Maybe some part of him wants to protect Ignis from suffering with the same knowledge he has, maybe he just, selfishly, doesn't want to live it again to tell him.
But the fact that he keeps pushing only sparks that deep well of anger in him again, he doesn't yell but his tone is sharp.
"Cor's dead." But that's the first time he's really admitted it aloud and as angry as he is the words leave him like a punch to the gut, all of the air rushing out of him and he looks helplessly up at Ignis for a moment. How can this help?
"He- Noct was-" How does he explain what happened without telling him all the things that happened before. "It should've been me." Is all he manages to choke out. Not crying so much as just not able to find enough air.
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Especially when Ignis could ruin him so easily with any one of them.
And that's almost more frightening, knowing that somewhere, deep down, there's part of him that doesn't trust Ignis not to hurt him. It would be so easy and he honestly doesn't know how he'd survive it a second time. It's easier, safer, to keep everything closed and locked away.
Ignis wants him to just lay himself bare like it's magically going to fix something when he knows nothing will change, he'll only make himself more vulnerable. And Ignis doesn't want to know what things have been like, the depths of the darkness they've been living in. Maybe some part of him wants to protect Ignis from suffering with the same knowledge he has, maybe he just, selfishly, doesn't want to live it again to tell him.
But the fact that he keeps pushing only sparks that deep well of anger in him again, he doesn't yell but his tone is sharp.
"Cor's dead." But that's the first time he's really admitted it aloud and as angry as he is the words leave him like a punch to the gut, all of the air rushing out of him and he looks helplessly up at Ignis for a moment. How can this help?
"He- Noct was-" How does he explain what happened without telling him all the things that happened before. "It should've been me." Is all he manages to choke out. Not crying so much as just not able to find enough air.