lifeaftr | I Think I Got Too Many Memories Getting In The Way Of Me

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I Think I Got Too Many Memories Getting In The Way Of Me

Who: Anyone willing to deal with an armed, violent-prone child having a tantrum
What: Chara's horrible, no good, very bad day. Someone's getting stabbed! Potentially multiple people! Someone's getting punched in the face! Potentially multiple people!
When: 11th to the 13th of April
Where: everywhere
Warnings: violence, stabbings, generally please don't tag into this if you're not into your character being physically or verbally attacked f-ff

11th - Even At The Best Of Times I'm Out Of My Mind | Islet One

They aren't the type of child who seeks out others, when something happens. Something awful, something utterly out of their control. They do not want to talk about it. They will not cry, nor sulk. There will be very few, if history has proven anything, who will even realize they have been slighted in some way at all.

And then there are those who are on island one when Chara walks up to that now empty abode. And perhaps, they will also not realize that anything is out of the norm-- but they'll certainly take stock of the suddenly flaming knife in their hand, the very same one that embeds itself in the cottage with four, additional rooms added to it, the one with no owner.

The knife, still on fire, remains embedded in now smoking wood. Calmly, Chara takes out a second knife.

And up in flames that one goes, as well.

11-13th - You Only Get What You Grieve | E4

According to some, setting houses on fire is not a healthy outlet for stress.

Which, realistically, is probably fair. The solution to this problem is not to stab inanimate objects, no sir. So how about some animate ones, instead?

The fact that the centipuppies are kind of cute doesn't mitigate the issues they cause- a pack of the creatures could go after a singular target with ease. A cute nuisance. A potentially dangerous nuisance. There would likely be one or two people not too keen on the burning carcasses they've left strewn about the place, but centipuppies aren't docile. They're not a rare creature upon Enso, either; ridding the beach of a single pack isn't problematic at all.

Not even slightly.

If anything, the ordeal becomings something of a mind numbing task, child walking up and down the stretch of the beach, watching out for stragglers. For the next two days, it's all they're going to do. Walk. Wait. And when the situation calls for it

Lash out.

13th, closed to Frisk, Lup, and Tim - Are You Smelling That Shit? | Islet 3
[Their flowers are wilted.

Three days without attention, and Chara should have expected this, really. It's not as if the plants themselves are going to die; they're sturdy enough to take a bit of thirst, a slight amount of burn at the edges of their petals from a harsh sun. The majority of them will love; there are even more shoots to grow, ready to take the place of those that won't.

But there are those that won't.

Frowning critically, Chara considers- the various things they could and should be doing, at this point. Carefully pruning the leaves and picking off the wilted buds, mixing the earth with some more most soil. Watering them all. It's a sizeable enough patch now that it should take a few hours for just the one person- plenty enough to keep them moving until they're tired, ready to find... perhaps ready to collapse into their hammock, after a few days of sleeping outside.

And yet, they don't move just yet. There's so much to do here- and moreso, if they would pay attention to anything else. They haven't been looking for food, the past few days. Haven't been collecting resources to trade with Lup and Taako. Haven't been to the new island past a brief, cursory look; the familiar, tell-tale itch of curiosity absent. Haven't spoken to Frisk or Tim since he-- since this started. There is a great deal to do.

They don't move just yet.]

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I'm glad to hear it.

[She's pretty sure they're not fine, but she's also pretty sure that calling them on it isn't going to help.]

Do you have any plans for what to do with the fur?

[Simple, practical topics- keep talking, because letting them just fall back into themselves and whatever's rattling around inside their head right now doesn't seem safe, but nothing that requires emotional investment, nothing about them directly, just questions with straightforward, factual kinds of answers.]

[Sure she is. A slight narrowing of their eyes, tone sharp.]

I have no need of it. You hardly require my permission, if you're interested in acquiring it for yourself.

[Did they look interested in small talk? Did they, with blood-spattered clothes and a trail of corpses in their wake, appear particularly approachable? Giving? If she'd been smarter, they wouldn't have known nor cared that she wanted the fur.

Now, she can owe them for it later. Whenever they discover a new mouth to feed.]

[Oddly enough, she'd had no intention of asking for any- she'd merely felt it was a reasonably neutral topic of conversation. But she's hardly going to let anything go to waste. And at least they're talking instead of just stabbing things in total silence...]

Still, I appreciate the consideration. With your permission, I will take three of them.

[She gestures briefly at the trail of dead creatures marking Chara's path.]

Is there a specific payment you have in mind, or would you prefer to discuss it later?

[They open their mouth, ready to tell her precisely what she can do for them-

But it's all just.

Noise.

Meaningless, unsatisfying noise. He'd never- reacted, to any of that. Never looked at them like they were something to be afraid of; a bomb ready to go off. No matter what they did he was always... willing to meet them, somehow, defuse them down and make them feel, for just a moment, like they were-- okay.
Safe.
They don't want to see that look on her face right now, either.]

Later. [Surely, the world can only expect so much of them before they look as exhausted as they feel.] And if I must spend it now, then simply to be left alone.

[She nods politely, if solemnly.]

Very well, then.

[Muffet calmly looks over the dead creatures and selects three- one pale white, one pure black, and one soft grey. She's gotten people to skin and clean one of them for their fur before, it shouldn't be too much trouble to trade them for the same service again, even if she hadn't been planning to acquire any more pelts. She picks them up easily, holding them carefully to avoid staining her clothes.]

[She turns to leave, pauses, and looks back over her shoulder at Chara.]

The weather's quite nice today, so I was planning to sit out by the temple and get some weaving done. I'll likely be there until quite late tonight, should you wish to speak to me.

[In fairness, this is completely true: she had already been planning to do that today. But, more importantly, it means that she's going to be in one specific, easily findable- or avoidable- location. A location far enough away from this particular stretch of the beach that she won't be able to see or hear anything Chara does, leaving them in peace as they requested... but still close enough that she'd likely hear them if they shouted loudly and deliberately for help.]

[Just an interesting fact to think about.]

[An interesting fact indeed. Chara watches as she takes her leave, motionless for some time. She owes them now- again, but for the life of them attempting to recollect and parse those instances of obligation is nothing short of impossible. A murder, cooking utensils, fur...

They don't approach her again until the sun goes down, but when they do, it's with a renewed sense of purpose. Expression set with the decision they've come to on their own.

If Frisk is free to make decisions that affect them both, without Chara's input, then so are they.]

I have decided what you may do to return the favor.

[They'll find her sitting where she said she would be, legs folded neatly underneath her as she works on an oddly intricate-looking little piece. Monstrous night vision, being adapted to the darkness of the caves below Mt. Ebott, means that she has little need to worry about the setting sun.]

[She looks up from her work as they approach, and greets them with a polite little incline of her head, putting the weaving down to listen to their answer.]

And what is it you have decided upon?

I want my name back.

[They want many things back, actually. They want Sol Raveh. They want their deal with Ozuma. They want to die and stay dead, want to be remembered as they truly are by people they've now lost forever- Sans, Rin, Wade.

If they can't have those things, then they'll have back the one thing they know they can.]

In future, I would appreciate if you would address me by my true name. In which case, I believe reintroductions are in order.

[Slowly, they bow. Eyes fixed on her expression as they speak deliberately slow, unwilling for her to misunderstand in the slightest.]

Greetings, Muffet.

My name is Chara Dreemurr.

[Muffet, with deliberate formality, rises to her feet and curtsies. It's not quite the brief, casual little motion she normally uses, something just a bit more precise, acknowledging that something important is happening here.]

Hello, Mx. Dreemurr. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

[She's had her suspicions for a while now- the things Frisk said after the Lungblossoms, the things she saw in other people's memories... but it's another thing entirely to have it confirmed, and she knows this means a change.]

[Hopefully, it will be a change for the better- she understands that they're giving her something important, here- but either way she will meet it as best she can. It's never been in her nature to do anything less.]

[Triumph mingles with a sense of irritation; getting the acknowledgment they want, but none of the emotions. Does she not see they're stomping on eggshells, here? Where's the shock, the joy, the relief? Does their memory really mean so little? Or-]

You seem unsurprised, ma'am.

[Or had she already lined most of the pieces up?]

[In fairness, Muffet generally tends to act with a certain degree of calm, even in unexpected situations- Chara can certainly recall at least a couple examples. It's not that she represses her feelings, merely that she's careful with them if it seems like expressing them won't be helpful. She not certain, yet, whether it would be helpful here.]

[This isn't really about her, after all- it's about them.]

I had wondered about you, but I wasn't certain.

That night with those awful hallucinogenic plants, I did hear your first name- but even strange as this place is, my assumption at the time was that there must be more than one human with that name, not that someone I'd heard of in history lessons had returned to walk among us.

Then when your brother was here, I met him and realized that the dead could arrive here, too, and I began to question whether your name was truly a coincidence after all.

And then came that strange Storytelling when our memories were shown, and I discovered that there were many things about our own world that I didn't know or understand- even hidden inside my own. By that point, I was fairly convinced that my guess was correct. I considered asking you about it, wanted to know more... but, ultimately?

It wasn't my secret, to demand the truth of it. As much as I wanted to know, if you didn't choose to tell me, then I didn't have the right to pry. So I tried to restrain my curiosity, said nothing of what I'd uncovered by chance to anyone, and waited in the hope that you might eventually choose to confide in me.

[And here she does show some unguarded emotion, her smile softening to something warm and gentle.]

For whatever it might be worth, I am genuinely honored that you did.

[They don't understand.

The words are reasonable. Her explanation of how she came to her conclusions is, reasonable. But her reasoning for not confronting them is-- flawed, surely. To refrain despite having so many aspects lined up that beg for confirmation for... what, precisely? For their comfort? The more they think about it, the further Chara's brow furrows, disinclined to simply take her at her word.]

Honored or otherwise, you are a businesswoman. I am well aware of your mannerisms in that respect. [They say, tone cold.] Perhaps it is to my benefit to have taken the initiative, before the potential for my identity to be used as leverage came to pass.

[Muffet blinks, looking... genuinely rather baffled.]

Of course I am- but why would I be seeking out leverage to use against you? Business isn't done just for the sake of business, it's done because I intend to protect and provide for my people, regardless of the cost. You don't strike against your allies, that would be foolish as well as cruel.

And even before I knew we were of the same kingdom, or even the same world, you were a fellow castaway here, lost as I was. Why would I use your identity to harm you, knowing that you were one of my people, too?

[She honestly doesn't understand Chara's position, any more than they understand hers. For all that she's learned to navigate the unkindness of the human business world, she is at heart a monster. Her views on the subject are clear and simple: ruthless tactics and taking any advantage you can are sensible strategies, to be used for the benefit of those she loves. It's the same reason why she doesn't charge heavily for the help and useful goods she's been providing for the island since her arrival- they're all on the same side.]

[When she first met Frisk- and through them, though unknowing, Chara- they were at best a stranger and at worst a threat to those she loved. Now, she loves them both in their own right. To her, it's as simple as that.]

No.

[Ha ha, no. No, she's got that entirely wrong. Chara's lip curls, not even bothering to hide their disdain.]

No. I am not one of your people. Nor are you one of mine. You presume far too much, miss Muffet. [If they didn't know her species as well as they do, they might have asked who she thinks she is.

She's a monster, that's who she is. As overbearingly compassionate and blind to her flaws as any other.]

Monsters gave up the right to claim me as their own the day they used our deaths as an excuse to murder children. But of course, you never killed a SOUL, did you?

You simply tried to.

I didn't mean one of our species. I meant one of my people. But I will not press a claim which you do not approve of- though the offer remains open on my end, regardless.

[Translation: she's still their friend even if they don't like her, but she'll accept that they aren't hers.]

Let us say 'allies', then. Less sentiment involved, but the understanding that we are in this situation together, and will achieve more if we are not in conflict.

[She looks quietly sorrowful at the mention of what she'd done to Frisk. Not ignoring the guilt or cringing from it in shame, merely... acknowledging that it is there, and it is heavy. As it should be.]

I fail to see how that makes me an innocent in all this. While it is certainly better that I did not succeed, trying to kill them at all means that I still must accept that I am willing to kill, and that I am guilty in this.

And, whether or not they died, I know that I still hurt them, and that is also a debt that I will need to bear.

[She did not succeed, indeed. They laugh- and let her take that as she will. Let her assume it's in response to whatever piece of sentimental garbage she likes. Doesn't she know? In human law, ignorance is not a defense against a crime. Especially murder.]

You are not innocent. We may be in this world together, but make no mistake, ma'am.

If it had been my choice to make, you wouldn't be capable of regretting anything.

You wouldn't be at all.

Because you would have killed me in their defense, or is this politely oblique death threat meant to reference something else?

[There's no need to specify who 'they' are. This entire conversation comes back to Frisk, one way or another. But even though she's completely certain Chara knows their real name, she did promise them not to use it around other people.]

I've done far too much damage by simply assuming I knew the answer, before, so it seems best to ask.

[She doesn't seem at all frightened or angry or upset with them. Serious, yes, she's not ignoring this and she knows that it's important, but she's responding calmly, tone even and sincere.]

I think we're well past the point of pretending to act in the pursuit of defending others, ma'am. Monsterkind is beyond that point.

[Looking at her, their tone is dull. Jaded. It's not their fault you all proved them wrong, Muffet. They believed in you.

Once upon a time, you and the rest of your kind were good enough to die for.]

Monsters are made of love and compassion. That is what I was taught. Did you know, I actually believed it? I believed you all, believed monsters were superior to humans.

But you're not. If anything, monsters are worse. You all fell right into the mage's hands, in the end. Did you ever think of that? Earning your freedom ensured actions just as evil as the humans who trapped your kind had expected of you.

Congratulations, ma'am.

You're free.

Superior?

[Muffet blinks in confusion, and shakes her head gently.]

No. Never superior- nor inferior. We're simply... people. All of us are people, as all humans are people, as all the strangers I've come to know here are people. And being a people made of hope and love... solves fewer problems than one might wish.

[There's something thoughtful in her expression, as though she's remembering something from a long time ago.]

Truth be told, I was always rather impressed by humans on that front. Monsters need not love wisely or well, but we must love, or else we would not live, as intertwined with our souls as we are. Humans don't need to have any love to keep body and soul together, but they can and do love anyway, simply for it's own sake.

To love... because you love. I still can't help but feel there's something admirable in that.

[Once upon a time... but what time is that? Long before Muffet's time, certainly. She'd been born long after the last of the six souls fell, and she'd certainly never expected to live to see the Barrier broken... but in a way this, too, is familiar. To live beneath Mt. Ebott in her day and age was to grow up under a weight of stone and an even greater weight of history, old debts and struggles and expectations placed on you, ones you knew about and ones you didn't, whether you'd asked for them or not. This is not a monster who ever believed that the hope of humans and monsters walked among them, freedom close at hand- this is one who was taught that if anything could be done, they would have to do it themselves.]

[She's born up under the weight before.]

[She meets Chara's eyes.]

We should have told him 'no'.

Oh we did, at the end, when it came down to the throne room and vines all around us, but that was at least eight souls too late, and less than any of them deserved.

I should have told him no, late as I was, once I grew old enough to know better. Oh, I did my work for my people, found other hopes to rely on instead of looking to the king- but I never told him. I never went to see him in his castle and said 'your majesty, you do this for us but we did not ask for it and our ancestors who did are already gone, and it is not the way'. I didn't tell him 'find a better way, or not at all'.

I didn't believe in his plan and so I didn't think of his plan at all, because I was a practical woman with a business to run and no time for fantastical-sounding royal promises that clearly wouldn't happen in my lifetime, if ever. Humans were a scary old story, not people I might meet. And that... will always be one of the great shames of my life, that I did not think to look at what was there in front of me, and speak.

[She clasps her hands in front of her, weary old guilt plain on her expression. But she still has work to do.]

But 'should' doesn't fix it. I can't say 'this shouldn't have happened, so how do we change it to what should have?' I can only say 'this shouldn't have happened, and did, so how do we go on?' How do I make sure that what happens next is... better, at least, than what came before?

[A quiet sigh.]

'Earned our freedom'... I'm not certain I can say we did earn it, in the end- someone earned it, certainly, but did we?

But earned or not, we have it, and I refuse to let it go to waste. So we go on. One way or another, deserving or not, we go on.

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I Think I Got Too Many Memories Getting In The Way Of Me

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