lifeaftr | I Think I Got Too Many Memories Getting In The Way Of Me

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I Think I Got Too Many Memories Getting In The Way Of Me

Who: Anyone willing to deal with an armed, violent-prone child having a tantrum
What: Chara's horrible, no good, very bad day. Someone's getting stabbed! Potentially multiple people! Someone's getting punched in the face! Potentially multiple people!
When: 11th to the 13th of April
Where: everywhere
Warnings: violence, stabbings, generally please don't tag into this if you're not into your character being physically or verbally attacked f-ff

11th - Even At The Best Of Times I'm Out Of My Mind | Islet One

They aren't the type of child who seeks out others, when something happens. Something awful, something utterly out of their control. They do not want to talk about it. They will not cry, nor sulk. There will be very few, if history has proven anything, who will even realize they have been slighted in some way at all.

And then there are those who are on island one when Chara walks up to that now empty abode. And perhaps, they will also not realize that anything is out of the norm-- but they'll certainly take stock of the suddenly flaming knife in their hand, the very same one that embeds itself in the cottage with four, additional rooms added to it, the one with no owner.

The knife, still on fire, remains embedded in now smoking wood. Calmly, Chara takes out a second knife.

And up in flames that one goes, as well.

11-13th - You Only Get What You Grieve | E4

According to some, setting houses on fire is not a healthy outlet for stress.

Which, realistically, is probably fair. The solution to this problem is not to stab inanimate objects, no sir. So how about some animate ones, instead?

The fact that the centipuppies are kind of cute doesn't mitigate the issues they cause- a pack of the creatures could go after a singular target with ease. A cute nuisance. A potentially dangerous nuisance. There would likely be one or two people not too keen on the burning carcasses they've left strewn about the place, but centipuppies aren't docile. They're not a rare creature upon Enso, either; ridding the beach of a single pack isn't problematic at all.

Not even slightly.

If anything, the ordeal becomings something of a mind numbing task, child walking up and down the stretch of the beach, watching out for stragglers. For the next two days, it's all they're going to do. Walk. Wait. And when the situation calls for it

Lash out.

13th, closed to Frisk, Lup, and Tim - Are You Smelling That Shit? | Islet 3
[Their flowers are wilted.

Three days without attention, and Chara should have expected this, really. It's not as if the plants themselves are going to die; they're sturdy enough to take a bit of thirst, a slight amount of burn at the edges of their petals from a harsh sun. The majority of them will love; there are even more shoots to grow, ready to take the place of those that won't.

But there are those that won't.

Frowning critically, Chara considers- the various things they could and should be doing, at this point. Carefully pruning the leaves and picking off the wilted buds, mixing the earth with some more most soil. Watering them all. It's a sizeable enough patch now that it should take a few hours for just the one person- plenty enough to keep them moving until they're tired, ready to find... perhaps ready to collapse into their hammock, after a few days of sleeping outside.

And yet, they don't move just yet. There's so much to do here- and moreso, if they would pay attention to anything else. They haven't been looking for food, the past few days. Haven't been collecting resources to trade with Lup and Taako. Haven't been to the new island past a brief, cursory look; the familiar, tell-tale itch of curiosity absent. Haven't spoken to Frisk or Tim since he-- since this started. There is a great deal to do.

They don't move just yet.]

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[Had she not seen Kidwun take out one of those weird creatures, her first thought would've been to run far, far away from the carcasses and find another stretch of beach to collect seashells on.

But it's them. They're safe and as odd as their movements are, it's not entirely out of place. Those dogs attack, the child in question is brave, and the slaughter doesn't feel like a stretch. They're protecting people by doing this. It makes sense.

She follows them with her eyes, staying quiet until she's sure all the remaining creatures are actually dead, and finally makes herself known by saying-]

I think they're all gone. It's okay now.

[When she speaks up, there's a moment where they almost feel-- guilty. For exposing her to this. Chara turns eyes falling on anything but her; on a tree they'd singed, somehow. One of centipuppies, glassy eyes fixed on nothing at all.

Only after they've run out of options do they look at her, affixing an expression of calm on their face, best they can.]

Greetings Ren. There may still be more about, perhaps [A pause, faltering.] Perhaps I should escort you back to the temple.

[And away from just one more mess they've made, just by being around.]

[They always have an air of confidence about them, whether it's during a normal conversation, a song, a midnight chat about flowers-it's prominent enough that when it's gone, it's noticeable. They don't look at her right away, there's hesitation in some of their words and-

They might be tired from fighting those creatures. There's no shortage of bodies littering the beach and that would be a draining task.]

Greetings. You made it safe, but we can go back together.

[If there are any left, the sight of this tiny protector would probably send them away, unless they're like ghosts.

In which case, yeah, might be time to skedaddle. Better safe than sorry.]

We can play fun games with the flowers there.

[They don't want to play games.

Gritting their teeth, Chara digs their fingernails into their palms; safely hidden away from sight by their sleeves. Fun-- company is the last thing they want or need right now, but this is Ren. She's not spoiled, or bratty. She's not hardened. Her biggest fault is her naivety and she won't. Understand. Hardly a sin in comparison to everything else Chara has witnessed, everything else they've been burned by.

They don't want this, right now. But they don't wish to hurt her, either. Refuse to sharpen their words into knives to force her away.

Amazing, how easily this would be resolved, had honesty been considered as an option.

It's not.]

If you'd like.

[It's no different than any other time they've been together-the small child in front of her offering a path to safety, even if she doesn't particularly need it right now, and the casual agreement to her games are all familiar. They're going play together, maybe look for some flowers, but somehow-

It feels off.

She can't put her finger on it and chooses to ignore that inkling in the back of her mind in favor of moving towards the direction the temple's located in, extending a hand back for them to take, if they want to. ]

[They've already reached the brink of what they're willing to do for her. Eyeing off Ren's hand, Chara speeds up; overtaking her with a strained smile that disappears the moment she can't see their face, knife held aloft.

It's not that they're avoiding you, see? They're simply-- in need of both hands, right now. In case things aren't as safe as they'd thought.]

[It's weird-enough to make her falter, watching how they turn their back to her, instead of staying by her side. Moving ahead too fast for her to place grass in their hair or to play spot the flower on the way back to the temple.

It's troubling, and it takes her a second to catch up mentally, let alone with her own two feet.

And normally, she would be okay with the silence between them. A nice quiet walk with the sound of the breeze and rustling leaves that aren't scary when they're by her side, but-]

Are you hungry?

...Hungry? [They look back at her blankly, mind slow to catch on. They're- supposed to get hungry, these days; supposed to eat and sleep frequently.

But old habits die hard. After a week, the term 'hungry' sounds entirely too foreign.] No, not really.

We can go get you something, if you'd like.

It's okay. I don't need food right now.

[She hadn't been asking for her own sake. There are questionable and delicious snacks in her bag-camp base has far more if none of them sound appealing. Not that it matters, when they say they aren't and that leaves Ren at a loss yet again.

Which is-what? If they were tired, they would ask to be tucked in. If they were hungry, they'd say 'Yes, I want to eat' and this is turning into a problem she might not be able to solve.]

It's not like that?

[Said to herself, mostly.]

Is your hand too hot? Is that why? I have a cold rock you can hold.

[She's trying to figure out what's wrong with them.

They simultaneously feel both guilt and irritation, at that. Guilt, for making her worry-- irritation, that something must be wrong with them to not wish for food or physical contact.]

It's not like that, either. [A frown. Chara's head turns away once more.] There's nothing wrong with me. I am simply not hungry.

[There's nothing wrong with them. That's what they say. It's what she hears and-

She stops trying because it sounds like they want to hide. The same way Taako does, behind words and smiles that don't always feel happy. The same way she does, when she tries to sidestep discussions and words and anything that terrifies her.

They're not hungry. They don't want to hold hands. There's nothing wrong with me and she can believe it, pretend to believe, try resist the urge to cover their ears and eyes and reach for their hand, because it's not what they want.

She's quiet as she stares at the back of their head. Then turns her attention to the left of them. Then the right. And finally-]

I'll show you a good place.

[Direct interaction is hard.

They're not good with it at the best of times- can count on one hand the amount of people they'd willing come into physical contact with-- the amount they'd seek out for conversation's sake is scarcely bigger. Chara is not a nice child, or a good person. The difference between her presence being tolerated and Chara lashing out is the fact that, unlike others, she can actually be quiet.

They hope wherever it is she wants to go, it's even quieter.]

As you wish. [Lead the way, cupcake.]

[Their detour to the great jungle unknown isn't entirely a quiet one. She spends time humming dumb songs-ones that might sound reminiscent to the melodies sung around a bunch of blue flowers and occasionally, she looks back to see if they want to join in.

Navigating the woods during the day has become second nature and she easily works her way through certain trees, around different ferns, on a clear path to a destination that's impossible to see in the dense forest. It might seem like she doesn't have an area in mind and is simply wandering to her heart's content, until-

She points a place that doesn't remotely stand out from the rest of the area, but she's acting like it does. As if it's more than just a sturdy tree, surrounded by batches of typical plants, with a couple bright flowers poking through the ground.

She's too big for it, but it's a good place to hide if you're small. That makes it special.]

You can sit there. It's safe.

[They don't join in, but now and again that melody veers close to a more traditional tune- remanents of a memory they've heard echoing at a distance time and time again. Each and every time, they close their eyes, thinking of home.

It's the first time Chara's really felt any loss over it. Not just a bittersweet memory...but something they miss. One more thing they'd never really get back-- but at least it's not a loss that has anything to do with being here. Lost to time, change- death, not distance.

Lost in thought, they almost run into her when Ren stops, jolting back to reality and realizing, with no small amount of internal vexation, that they didn't even notice the shift from beach to the jungle. Their eyes drift to where Ren points. It's small. Getting in without leaving obvious signs of disturbance is difficult, but Chara takes their time, does their best.

And when they sit down, Ren, the world around her-- everything beyond that disappears. It's just them. Just a tree, and some plants, and some flowers. The relief they feel at that moment is

Overwhelming.

Dropping their forehead to their knees, Chara exhales shakily. Takes a moment to find their voice again and speak, loud enough for Ren to hear:]

Thank you.

[It had been a spur of the moment decision to guide them away from the temple to this secluded area and she didn't know how they would take it-if they would even accept this small offering, if they would hide in this little hovel by the trees.

It's a worrying surprise when they start to shift between the leaves, enclosing themselves in the place she had pointed out and-

Their head drops. They say thank you. Two words that send a surge of warmth through her. That make her realize that hiding them was the right decision.

They probably won't see the soft smile appear on her face because she turns away once she's sure they're settled and-

Doesn't leave. Absolutely doesn't walk away because she's hiding them, but no one should be alone. She'll stay here and guard their spot, ready to shift the attention of passerbys that might come near. They can take all the time they need to face the world and should they need her, she'll be digging in the nearby patches of dirt with her fingers, quietly humming away.]

[They need-

Quite a lot of time, as it turns out. The sun comes across the sky, morning to midday, until the afternoon sun is threatening to shift into the sunset.

Only then do they stand, expression composed and eyes red-rimmed. They blink in surprise upon seeing her sitting there, just quietly playing in the dirt. Has... she really been waiting for them, all day?

...Well. They wanted to ask her something, anyway.]

Ren? I'd like to make a request.

[Guarding them is an important job and for all they've given her in the past months, this is the least she can do. No one came by and that undisturbed time spent digging resulted in Many Piles. There were good shiny rocks hiding under the surface and she's wiping one against her knee when she hears them shuffle out of the hiding spot, they look-

Like they needed it. Like they need more of it. Their eyes look tired from-crying? She knows they don't want to hold her hand today and she has to resist the urge to reach out so they have something to grab and squeeze, in case whatever's bothering them still hurts. She raises them for a second, like she's going to try anyway, before dropping them back down. ]

What is it?

Do you remember our secret? My true name. [They don't need to clarify, Chara's certain. Undoubtedly, she's done precisely what she said she would- kept it close to her heart, right where it needed to be.

They're grateful, truly. Glad they could trust her with this before- it makes their new request that much easier.]

I'm ready to take it back. From now on...

I would- greatly appreciate if you would call me Chara.

[It's unexpected. Even after she learned their name, Kidwun fell off the tongue much easier, because that was their true name to her. It's how she met them, it's the name she used when she was afraid, what she knew to call if the world became too scary-

But they want to change back to who they used to be and she doesn't understand why. What prompted them to switch from Kidwun to Chara-what caused them to force that change to begin with.

It's who they want to be and while she wants to ask why-

It doesn't matter.

She doesn't say anything at first, concentrating on the stone in her hand and the specks of dirt covering it. It takes seconds for her to rub it free of its grimy prison, to hold it up to the sky to make sure it meets her standard of quality under the light and then-]

This is Chara's special treasure. I won't give anymore to Kidwun.

[It's just a stupid rock!! But take it-she dug all day for this junk.]

I'll put Kidwun in my heart. If you want to hide again, you can say 'Ren, I want to be someone else' and I'll remember that name.

[...They wonder what it is, that makes people like her. The closest comparison they have is Papyrus- and even that isn't right. Ren isn't egotistical. She isn't loud. She doesn't intrude, doesn't pry into their space or their history, the reasons why they decide to do something. Never judges their actions. She...

She helps them hide. Encourages it, even. And when she does, somehow, it's not- shameful anymore. Not something to avoid, sure in the knowledge that attempting to do so would simply make everything worse.

They don't know how she does it.]

I'll treasure it. [They tell her, accepting the seemingly normal little stone and tucking it away in their pocket.] Just me. Regardless of name, Chara isn't any different to Kidwun.

[Not anymore, now that no one's left to distinguish it.]

[It's true the names are meaningless in the grand scheme of things. It may have been Kidwun who she met in the depths of a dark cave, her hand deep in their bag in search of nonexistent treasure, feeling a compulsion to hide them because they were small, because they were worried about their sibling, and even before they were Chara, they spoke about choices-a choice between pain.

And now, a choice between names. A choice to mix the life they had and the one they own now with no distinction.

They see a choice everywhere-in everything. They walk on their own path, where nothing is set in stone and it's a life she can barely fathom. Choices exist, but she can't grasp them as strongly as they do or reach as far as they can.

But even as they say it's the same, it's not. They can mix and meld and create this new life with their own two hands, but she's going to hold Kidwun close to her heart, as a safety net for them to fall back on. In case, one day, they need to be someone else again.]

Okay, if it's like that-

[She holds both her disgusting, dirty, filthy little muddy hands up to them, like she wants them to grab on, but she already knows they're not in a hand holding mood today. That's not her purpose. Instead, she asks-]

Do you want to stay with me? We can play here. I'll make you prettier-

[Then, quietly, testing out this new name for the second time.]

Chara.

[Even here-- haha, even here, pretty is a rather loaded word. Shouldn't be, is. Were it anyone else Chara's sure they would balk away from the suggestion- just another way in which Ren proved different from others. A quiet addition of their name and... Chara smiles. Wane and tired, but genuine.]

I'd like that.

[Out here, where they can stay hidden a little longer?

They'd... like that, very much.]

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I Think I Got Too Many Memories Getting In The Way Of Me

13th

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