lifeaftr | get your towels ready, it's about to go down

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get your towels ready, it's about to go down

Who: Whoever would like to have been picked up after March's event.
What: We're on a boat. No, seriously. That's the whole pitch.
When: Very late on March 19th, presumably.
Where: The middle of the ocean, my friends.
Warnings: Y'all can handle that.

On paper, the plan was simple: get a boat, sail everyone back. In practice . . . It was a lot less simple.

Getting the boat had been something of an ordeal, but it happened. Nobody has to know that the blind man stole it, because Connor is the one sailing it. He is sure as fuck sailing it back to Enso, despite the fact that he has never in his life actually sailed anything as big as the boat they stole and may have lied a little when he said he could "sail." Nobody had to know that either, okay? Nobody had to know any of that, because he is going to sail this boat back and the Jormun are going to fucking help him.

Hours 1&2
Unfortunately, Connor was in such a hurry to, like, leave? That he did not exactly ask the Jormun what the best route back was. He just kinda picked a direction and went which has led to a run in with some new shit from the bestiary: lightning eels. To quote the bestiary:

Considerably territorial, lightning eels range between four to eight feet in length. Sleek grey, their pointed, though rather small teeth may convey a sense of little threat- until they begin to spark, that is. Lightning eels are highly conductive to electricity and store up to a lightning bolt's worth of electricity in their small frames; whilst they won't release it all in one go, those close by them will certainly find these slithering creatures to be quite... shocking.

Have fun with that. The lightning won't really do much to the boat itself, so just don't fucking fall in, yeah? Seriously. Please don't fall in, Connor did not actually complete his lifesaving merit badge and only has a vague idea of how to perform water rescues.

Hours 3&4
A decent chunk of the way into the journey back, Connor will point to something in the water and say "Oh, they're here. We're going the right way." In the water is a group of sea otters. If you ask nicely, the Jormun will catch a few so . . . you can all eat. Unsurprisingly? Connor did not think to pack food for this hastily assembled rescue mission, so if you're hungry, sea otter is all you're getting. Bone apple tea, everyone.

Bonus: sea otter pelts. They're very soft and warm. Sea otters have fur up the wazoo.

Hours 5&6
Do you want to sail the boat? Great, because Connor is about to hand the wheel over to whoever's closest because he has to go talk with the Jormun about something. It's fine. Just keep the boat straight for ten minutes, you won't crash anything out in the open sea. If you want to listen in, Connor and the Jormun are discussing a type of plant known as lightroot. It can be picked and will act like a lantern for a while, but what they're actually talking about is cultivating it as a kind of . . . underwater landing strip. Don't worry about it. I'm sure this will never come up again.

Once Enso is in sight, Connor will actually sail around the island until he reaches the cove in D8. He's just gonna leave the boat there, like 20m/22yd out in the water, so. If you wanna swim to shore, that's fine. If you can't swim or don't want to, he'll come back with the boat from islet 2 after he swims to shore. Y'all are responsible for getting your own asses home after he brings the boat, though. It is not his responsibility anymore? He got everyone home, he's out.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I care about them. [Some of them care about him back, some probably don't even know he exists. But that's not the point. He can fight his own battles. Sometimes.

He flinches at the words though. Because they were true, it was his own stupidity that got him arrested. Maybe he doesn't deserve his things. But other people do.]

Maybe I don't. But I still won't let you take everyone's things. So put it all back. I will not ask you again.

[He's drawn himself up, trying to act as much like all the people he knows who can actually make demands like this; Reno, Rat. Despite the fact he is smaller and scrawny and his face is already a mess of bruises from where Laurent hit him. Trying to act as if he's got the might to back up his words.]

You were never asking before. Just ordering me around, like you've got anything to back that up.

[He can pretend as well as anyone, he's sure, that he's someone bigger, older, stronger, braver than he really is. He's taller. He looks older, even if the likelihood that Shion himself surpasses him in age is practically inarguable.]

[The look he shoots Shion is both scornful and blazingly pitying, and it's intended to be utterly and wholly infuriating.]

Anyone ever tell you that's gonna get you into trouble one day?

[It was infuriating, Shion just stared back, not answering the question. He tried to keep his stance confident, to act like he wasn't panicking inside. Deep breath.

He was going to just collect all the knapsacks, if this boy would not give things back he would do it himself. He took a step forwards, like Gabe wasn't even there, to start doing that]

[That's not really an answer at all, huh?]

[So Gabe aims another kick, this time for Shion's shins, and follows up with a fist clenched tight, swinging for the boy's jaw. He has no idea how to fight properly, really. He's scrapping, lashing out, kicking and pushing like a schoolyard bully.]

[But he aims to teach a lesson.]

[This time he's expecting it. The kick to the shins makes him stumble but he ducks low to avoid the fist. He might be tiny and scrawny, two years too weak and injured but Reno taught him to fight, to fight especially when everything was against him and he hasn't forgotten.

So he doesn't even try and punch, not properly because this guy is stronger than him. He goes for pressure points, for places where his blows will count. His kick aims for the back of the knee, aiming to bring him down to Shion's level. The heal of his hand aims for the point between neck and chest.]

[Connor is a little bit Busy steering the ship, but the boat isn't big enough for this nonsense to go unnoticed. Like, he has to look out over the entire boat to see where they're going and fighting is pretty damn noticeable.]

OI, I WILL THROW YOU BOTH INTO THE WATER IF YOU DON'T CUT THAT SHIT OUT. [He doesn't have the spoons to be dealing with this shit calmly, sailing the boat is stressing him the fuck out.] NO FIGHTING ON THIS FUCKING BOAT!

[Shion has two advantages: actual training, and the fact that Gabe's own grasp of his strength and abilities is miserable at best. Still, he's for all intents and purposes a healthy teenage boy, and Shion's malnourished and spindly. One kick to the back of Gabe's knee has him thumping down onto the other with the hollow thunk of kneecap against wood.]

You - [He's about two seconds from trying to grab the little shit by the throat when Connor helpfully intervenes.]

He started it! [SHION DEFINITELY DID NOT START IT.]

[Shion stopped like he had been hit at Connors voice. It wasn't so much the threat as the tone, the anger. Enough to remind him that actually he and this boy were meant to be on the same side. He was not an enemy to fight.

He blinked when the boy spoke. He had started it? Had he?

Maybe he had? He was the one who had spoken first. But he was not the one who had stolen, who thought he could just take from people who had been hurt.] I'm sorry.

[Mostly to Ceej but he is sorry for kicking Gabe] You still need to give the things back though.

[Connor gives Gabe a Look, because seriously? Seriously?]

Apologize for whatever dumb shit you said, you big baby. [It's Gabe's fault. He doesn't even know wtf they're fighting about, but he is 500% sure it's Gabe's fucking fault.] Do you seriously think I'd believe Shion started a fight?

[Like, he has no doubts that Shion can fight but also Shion is a creampuff and Gabe is an asshole. If someone started the fight, it was not Shion.]

He tried to take my stuff.

[THIS IS VERY CLEARLY NOT GABE’S STUFF. But gosh darn it he blew up part of a building today and he’s gonna ride that adrenaline high all the way to its logical conclusion.]

I found it, so I get to keep it.

It's not yours. [His voice is quiet, he's embarrassed that they've drawn attention and also shamed by Ceej's faith that this wasn't his fault.

Because Shion had done awful things. People shouldn't... They shouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt.

He just looks at Gabe. Because really? That's what he believed?]

I said you could keep it if it didn't belong to anybody! Half of those have names on them, stupid.

[Which means they probably belong to one of the Storyteller's people. It's the same hecking bag they all have.]

Yeah, and they probably died.

[Well, at least two people were left behind in the Water. Maybe more. Doesn't that put their stuff up to the lottery or something? Finders keepers?]

I helped get it back, so I get first dibs. [THAT'S SUPER HOW THIS WORKS NOW.]

How can you say that. [There's tears in his eyes now. Because it's true. Some of those whose bags are here won't be on this boat. They won't return to Enso. They would be dead because they hadn't saved everyone.

Shion hadn't saved anyone. He hadn't had the control to save anyone. People had died. He remembered the boy in the city, looking for Seto. Was Seto dead? Ren? The injured prisoner who Shion had tried to help.

Dead or sleeping forever, it was the same thing really. And this boy didn't even seem to care. He shook his head and reached over to the packs again] I'm giving these back to everyone.

. . . You know you just come back when you die here, right?

[That was like the first thing people told him when he arrived. Admittedly, that is 100% because Connor is Connor and probably not something people just tell other people when they arrive but he doesn't know that. Sometimes he forgets that not everyone is suffering from various forms of brain junk.

He also forgets that not everyone is as casual about death as he is. It's stopped mattering to him, on a certain level, and he forgets that death is a thing people fear. A thing that they feel.]

It sucks and it's worse than dying for real, but you can't keep people's shit because they're temporarily dead.

They might not come back. You never know.

[Yep, this is super something you should be voicing aloud to Connor fucking Murphy.]

The Water’s this big scary thing that no one understands. Can’t really know if someone will come back - at all. ]He sure is reveling in this, though it might have more to do with the effect it’s having on Shion.]

[Shion had picked up two of the rucksacks but at Ceej's words he froze, the bags fell to the deck with a thunk.

You know you just come back when you die

It was like the Tower. People didn't stay dead. They died and came back. It wasn't real. They weren't real. Trapped souls, who knew what these islands were in reality. Fake like the Tower? False.

He had had a list in his head since he arrived, ever since the islands in the sky he had been leaning towards this conclusion but this confirmed it. A noise escaped him, if it was a sob or a laugh he had no idea.

It didn't even matter. The other boy was still talking, the water might be worse than death. Was worse than death. People wouldn't come back from that but they could from death.]

Shut up.

[The words burst out of him, he is shaking but he's not sure if it's panic or anger. Helplessness or rage. He's span around again facing the other boy but the anger is quickly drained. It's all too much... this on top of everything.]

You wanna bet? Because I'll kill myself again. I have no fucking qualms about dying.

[Connor doesn't - well, he actually does mean that. He always means it, because for as much as being on the islands has improved his general mood it didn't magically cure him of depression. Of the constant, constant wish to just not exist. To just stop.

He's about to keep yelling at Gabe, but Shion cuts in and he remembers that. That there's people? Who actively care about his wellbeing? It's such a foreign concept to him, but. But Muffet brought him bread. Tim - Tim asked if he was okay. They - they'd probably care if he died again.]

. . . Sorry. I didn't. I didn't mean that.

[Nobody has to know that that's a lie but him.]

[That stops him dead, for all the wrong reasons.]

[I’ll kill myself again.]

[It’s not that he’s stupid, although he is. It’s that he’s spent too much of his non-existence actively straining the boundaries of reality, pressing up against edges, frantic to even mimic the sensation of being alive for his own sake. Always a specter of memory, just out of sight, always just barely qualifying as a presence in the family purely out of his absence from it.]

[The fact that someone would take their own life for any reason at all when he would’ve given anything to live his - hasn’t really occurred to him.]

You killed yourself. [It sounds more like a question than it does a repetition of what was just said, but there it is.] You killed yourself?

[Ceej's words make Shion turn to him instead, blinking at him sadly. Shion doesn't know if he that again means that he killed himself here on these islands, or before. But it doesn't really matter. Wanting to end everything, wishing to stop existing. That feeling was the same even if you were aware it could only be temporary.

The idea that Ceej died, that Ceej took his own life is horrifying. Hearing him announce he had no qualms about dying...

Shion had no qualms about dying either. But hearing that sentiment from someone else, someone he cared about filled him with sadness. He didn't want Ceej to feel like that, wouldn't want anyone to feel like that.

He vaguely is aware of the other boys words but he is just staring up at Ceej, looking worried and upset.

[Connor's going to respond, but all that comes out is hysterical laughter.

Back home, nobody believed him. He'd said it over and over and over and they didn't believe him. They said if he went outside, the crushing ennui of life would just go away, and the irony of that has just hit him. He's stuck outside, doing physical work and getting sun and all these other crap people told him would make him better and it didn't really make anything better.

He's sailing a fucking boat, he's the big damn hero people always want to be and . . . he still wants to die. He still wants to fucking jump in the water, sink, and never come back up.]

Yeah. [He hiccups, trying to stop the laughter.] I fucking did. And then I did it again! Because I'm still a fucking useless basketcase!

[It's funny because his only hobby is making baskets, see.]

[He can't wrap his mind around it. He can't just...why would you? He fought tooth and nail for some semblance of living, for some ghost of the experience of getting to exist the way everyone else does, and someone just ups and throws it away? Twice over?]

You lived, and you just - chose not to? [He almost sounds angry. THIS IS GREAT.]

You threw it away?

[The laughter confused him for a moment, but even though Shion is awful at picking up humour he doesn't think this is some kind of joke that he is missing. Not with the way the other boy is reacting, not with the way Ceej looks. The laughter is more panic than actual laughter. Some sort of non laughter that has a million emotions of which none are actual amusement.

He opens his mouth to speak. Because if Shion's not allowed to call himself a nutjob than Ceej isn't allowed to call himself a useless basketcase. Because useless is the very last thing that Ceej is. He literally just saved all their lives. But the other boy is speaking again, speaking angrily.]

I said shut up. [His eyes are blazing as he turns back to the other boy. Because Shion won't let him get angry at Ceej.]

[You threw it away?

The anger seeping into Gabe's voice snaps him out of his hysteria. It's a trained response, and Connor visibly flinches when he hears it.]

. . . You sound just like him. [It's quieter than he's been for the rest of the conversation - not really intended to carry across the distance. Then, more loudly:] Sorry my crazy offends you. I'll try harder to be less depressed in the future.

[There's a heavily sarcastic undertone to the statement, because that's just. That's just how he's been trained to deal with situations like this. Lash out, get into a fight, and maybe feel something other than crushing ennui for a brief moment. It's chasing the worst high he knows, and he can't stop himself from doing it.]

You lived for years. For years, and then you just -

[He just chose not to?]

[He barely registers that he's being told to shut up on both sides, that he's crossed lines. He crosses lines practically for a living. Or for an unliving. He sounds just like him, just like...whoever! He doesn't care.]

I'd kill for that.

get your towels ready, it's about to go down

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SO LET ME KNOW IF THIS ISN'T COOL

ITS COOL

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cw: suicide as . . . a threat. i'm very sorry.

cw for more of That Shit tbh

continues the cw: suicide

cw: connor being connor tbh

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cw: suicide mention

cw: suicide mention

cw: child neglect (and also attempted suicide)

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cw: mentions of suicide and also panic

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