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Who: Taako, otawg (open to all w goods)
What: 'i can't believe Taako invented wal-mart'--Zero
When: 8/16 and on? if you want the full inventory
Where: The ruins
Warnings: Spicy

The meeting with the shitty god-rabbit had clarified not a whole lot, if Taako is being honest. But one thing is clear, they (this entire island of randos) are in it for awhile, so they (Taako and Lup) need to be in it to win it. And on this island, winning it means selling anything you can get your hands on for anything that might be useful. Their ice cream social had been moderately successful, and the horrible hustle elves are doubling down on their established niche, now that they realize the full stakes.

To that end, you can peruse an up-to-date inventory here. During daylight hours, there is a very good chance you can find a makeshift setup of warez, with the tired but socially effervescent elf responsible close by. There's existing stock, in very limited quantities, of small things. There's a list with everything else. The wood sign just says 'Got Stuff?' as kind of a preliminary; the argument re: naming convention is ongoing and bloodshed may be imminent. Bring your A-game hagglewise, and remember that a neutral feedback is the same as a negative.

[I should clarify, you can thread with both twins but the default setting is Taako unless otherwise specified! Up 2 you! Not fussy!]

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Taako considers this offer with surprising care. On the one hand, it's probably better to start low, in terms of pricing, until they've gotten some word of mouth circulating. On the other, people only need so many bowls and ropes and whatall. It would be a shame if their 'income' were to dry up and force them to do real work.

Not that this isn't very real work; the stuff this guy wants represents a pretty real chunk of time and effort, Taako is running himself ragged here, this isn't the beach vacation he would have dreamed of. "That's a good start, my man. But let me impress upon you, I make these by hand, which is to say, by magic, and it is exhausting. Any other fruit you'd like to maybe add to the pot?" He grins, no hard feelings, just doing business, etc.

"How very sad for you, magic man..." Guzma sighs, then runs a few fingers through his hair, looking through his pack again. What in the world does he have that he can part with? He can't give away all his food - himself s pokemon need to eat as well, and Ariados can really put it awa--wait a second.

He blinks suddenly, eyes widening as he considers something he never did before. It may be a long shot, and worth way more than what he's getting but... "Ain't got no food I can part with right now, homie, but...will ya take a little something unorthodox? I mean, ain't nothing you can eat - heck, you better not - but...well, I gotta get it first, but--

Poison." He grins suddenly, a bit wicked. "I can get y'all a dang potent poison. If there's game here we can hunt, magic man, a shot of my girl's poison will take down even a big thing after a while. You just gotta cook whatever you get real good, though. Or, heck, use it on someone here y'don't get on with. Heh heh..."

Wow, hang on, was this guy teleported to the island without ANY OF HIS CHILL? Taako was just haggling, not asking for help committing any murders. He looks...deeply unnerved? Grossed out? Like he wishes he had a button under the counter to summon security? Now, listen, Taako loves crime, don't get it twisted, but poisoning things that people—people he cares about, including himself!—are going to eat...shit, he just suggested cutting out the middle man and straight up poisoning people directly too, didn't he, what the fuck. Is this island just on a fast-track to Lord of the Flies style anarchy or what?

Taako watches this deeply problematic customer with bright eyes and pinned-back ears, and his answer is full of unnecessary pauses. "Unnnnfortunately we are not accepting poison, as a form of payment, at this time. Or ever. Just don't need the stuff, turns out." He laughs, without any humour or sincerity, before morbid curiosity sets in. "Why do you even have that?"

Hey, he's offering a valuable resource! Whatever people do with it is their business, so long as none of it ends up anywhere near the people he likes. I mean, Ariados' poison is curable, of course, but in the sticks like they are? Yeah, it'd almost definitely prove to be fatal in high doses. But the shock on Taako's face is priceless, and Guzma snickers loudly as his grin only widens.

"Suit yourself, but it'd sure as heck come in handy against anything unsavory..." He shrugs, then puts his hands into his pockets, tempted to show off his Ariados, but thinks against it. With how Legolas here reacted just to the mentions of poison, who knows what he'd do to Guzma's pokemon if she suddenly appeared. Still--

"Because spiders usually come pre-installed with it, and my girl can take down a Tauros with a choice smooch, heh heh. But fine, she got more silk'n I can do with... How's 'bout that instead?"

Oh no, no no, homeboy has it all wrong, this is--these are extenuating circumstances, he has a KD ratio in real life, c'mon, he's not just some prissy nerd. Now Taako just looks put out at being laughed at, like a cat that fell off the back of the couch. Let's move past this immediately.

"I don't know what you're even talking about, my guy. Who or what is 'your girl?'" Is this guy saying that he's just got a highly venomous spider, big enough to take down prey animals, hanging around somewhere? Because that's a choice. What is with this island and spiders.

"I mean, a spider, I'm guessing, just from context clues. Y'know, I met a spider, she made me a blanket without even talking about poison," so feel free to take some pointers there, "Which I appreciated. But unwoven silk would be pretty useful, too. Guess I'm into it."

"That," Guzma starts, fishing through the inner pockets of his hoodie, feeling around for Ariados' Pokeball, "would probably be Muffy--uh, I mean, Muffet... Yeah, she's real nice; says she can bake, but that ain't who I'm talking 'bout."

Producing an Ultra Ball, Guzma looks at Taako a moment before releasing the technicolor nightmare that is Ariados. The large spider blinks twice, lifting itself up an inch or two on its legs, then looks around curiously before spying the assortment of goodies. Oh my, aren't those shiny! Clicking her fangs, she puts her two front legs up on the stand and peeks over it.

Hello. c: ♥

"This is my girl, Ariados. Be nice, sweetheart, c'mon--get down from there."

"Coool, you brought the spider with you, that's a thing you do." Is that like, a summoning class thing? At least it's a pretty glam spider. "I have seen bigger, but she gets points for style." It's like a lil dog putting it's paws up on a table for treats, Magnus would be so conflicted. He's glad Lup isn't seeing this.

"Well, asked and answered, I guess." He gives the spider a friendly wave, only a liiiitle hesitant. Man, he's got friends who are probably dumber than this bug, why didn't he get to bring them? Or even his pocket dimension, what a rip. "What does, uhh, what does she eat? Do I need to start stocking bugs?"

Guzma is watching the mags very carefully as his Pokémon wriggles one of her back stingers at him in a return wave, her eyes squinting shut happily as she makes a soft clicking noise in greeting. Guzma's always been tense when showing off his partners in this weird place - so many people have already insulted or threatened them - but he relaxes somewhat at the reaction Taako gives to his sweet lady. Ariados is frightening to talk about, sure, and wild ones are very dangerous, but Guzma raised his from a little Spinarak...she's been around a bunch of people, and become like the mansion's excitable and friendly dog.

"Oh yeah, there's way bigger species than her 'round Alola..." Ariados turns to Guzma with a huff, but he appeases her with a hand on her abdomen. "But she's actually bigger'n most of her species." Guzma indicates Ariados big booty proudly. Girl is thicc and he loves her. "But, uh...man, she eats pretty much whatever she can get in her webs, and I let 'er out to hunt on her own, so y'all don't need to worry none 'bout that."

He crouches down to give the big arachnid a few affectionate pats, and she bumps her head gently against the man's knee. "Yo, Ari, can y'all gimme a bit of thread, darlin'?"

Aww, it waved back. With a leg? Stinger? Appendage. It's happy? It has opinions. Wild. And it--she--eats whatever she can catch in her webs, that doesn't sound uh. He's probably got it under control, right? Taako's reluctant to get involved here, but he knows that 'people' fall into the 'whatever' category pretty soundly, and this dude did just say he lets her hunt unsupervised. That was after encouraging Taako to poison his hypothetical enemies. Just because a dude really loves his spider doesn't mean they're a good person, that's pretty much a well proven fact. "Cool. Worry retracted. But I hope she's good at stealth, because there are definitely people on this island who would blast first and question never, if you get my drift." Which, fair. This island sucks and has monsters, it's not a bad policy overall.

Taako watches this process unfold with a fair amount of curiosity. Spider silk is a weird enough form of currency to accept once, let alone twice, but what can you do. Shame this dude probably doesn't have like a cow in his pocket dimension thing, or some chickens, but at least he's got something productive. And let's be real, a spider is a lot more aesthetic, even if it's not to his personal taste. "You're gonna want to keep her on the DL, at least to start with."

Hey, now. Ariados may be a venomous spider, and Guzma may let her out to hunt freely, and, uh...w-well, wild Ariados have indeed been documented to hunt quite literally anything that strays into their webs (even children, yes), his has been with him for years. Guzma has trained her well, and Ariados is perhaps the friendliest member of his insectoid team, which certainly has its pros and cons, as Taako explains.

Guzma's face darkens, and his muscles tense, hissing through his teeth, "...Yeah, I know."

He's already come across a handful of people that have either openly threatened, insulted, or looked at his partners like they were monsters. Hell, the word itself has been used to describe them at least once, and he's plainly disgusted by it. By peoples' willingness to just cull something that doesn't fit their mental image of 'acceptable'. Ariados is friendly, and he loves people - she's been around them most of her life after all, and she was utterly spoiled by the grunts in the mansion. He even caught Plumeria herself sneaking her a treat or two once, despite the woman's outwardly frosty attitude.

He's quiet as he holds out his hand, and Ariados begins to spin a web from her mouth - a long, thick strand of glossy silk. Guzma turns his hand around, using the other to loosen any knots or make sure it doesn't stick together. Once he's got a fair bundle, he picks through it very carefully, testing the strength and the suppleness. Not bad at all - there's a damn good reason clothes woven from Ariados silk are durable as hell, and a popular fashion item, especially amongst those style-savvy fashionistas in Kalos.

"As promised, homeboy. Make sure to comb through it if you can, before use."

Welp, dude is caught in some kind of spider emotion vortex now, cool. Definitely what Taako intended to happen with his friendly advice. And it was friendly, ish, is the thing, Taako has no beef here. Maybe some lingering poison-inspired beef? Beef content as yet undefined. But it's not spider-beef, and that's what's important to the topic at hand. He raises his hands briefly in a little conciliatory gesture, but doesn't opt to enter the spider emotion vortex further than that. He's got merchandise to gather together for a customer, after all, and he does so.

Taako accepts the silk with a nod that doesn't at all mean he understands why he should comb through it. "Didn't mean to wig out on you about the poison," is as close as he's going to get to a grudgy apology for his lamentably uncool reaction. Does this guy find it weird that Taako was way more accepting of the giant spider than him, at least to start? "But maybe ease into it next time? Or just don't. I'll warn my sister not to toast your spider buddy, too," he adds as an afterthought. The spider is pretty chill, turns out, and doesn't deserve any fiery wrath.

'Friendly advice' that reminded Guzma just how hated and disposable people think of bugs, and are so ready to shoot, stab, or kill first and ask questions later is fabulous, thank you. His Pokemon know not to stray too far from him, and he's kept them in their balls and very well fed (sometimes over himself) quite a bit. But hey, the more people know about them, perhaps the better - that way they'll be safer and he won't have to worry too much anymore.

Raising his brow, Guzma shrugs his shoulders. Bro, he doesn't care. It was a suggestion - Ariados' poison ranges in severity dependent on dosage. It be anything from an obnoxious numbing sensation, like that of a leg falling asleep, to utterly fatal - eating away and flesh and bone alike, and stopping blood from reaching vital organs. Tipping an arrow or a spear with a bit of it would be wondrous in hunting big game if they ever come across it - a shot in the right place could seize up one's legs to make its escape impossible...and pen up the opportunity for a big meal.

He's just about to say something, mouth open, before it closes at the mention of toasting his Pokemon. Was that really necessary? Guzma snarls, snatching up his exchanged goods and shoving them hastily into his pack and turning to go.

"For her sake, she better not," because that poison from earlier? Guess who'll be the first he uses it on. "Thanks."

Jeez, no need to get so touchy about it, Taako really did mean well, though he should have realised he wasn't saying anything homeboy doesn't already know. C'mon, you can't tell him, after the tigersharks and centipuppies and whatever other horrendous Dr. Moreau horseshit this island has coughed up, that a giant spider would read as 'valued battle partner' instead of 'random encounter' without the exact kind of helpful warning Taako has offered to provide, though.

"Hey, I'm on your side here, dude, don't let it bug you." Pun intended, it's weak but the best he's got in a closing window. "Come back any time! Bring the spider, she's dope!" Maybe his next visit they can both avoid stepping in any cavernous touchy subject potholes, wouldn't that be nice.

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