[He's been okay so far. He's been holding it together, as best as someone as fragile as Ichimatsu can. Wanting to be strong for his younger siblings one of the few, actual honest parts of him - he has a little bit of that older brother pride, they all do, even if they act like it doesn't mean anything. For Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu... he always tries a little harder.]

[But he's run out of rope.]

[He bites his lip hard, and that makes his next shuddering breath less obnoxiously loud than it could be, but the sound of his voice choking up in a sob is unmistakable. It's so damn embarrassing. Having to confide in and be strong for the same person... this is more painful than he'd even imagined it would be. He really did just take the easy way out last time.]

[But he's not finished. For Jyushimatsu's sake, he reminds himself, pushing off the instinct to wipe his tears and letting them drip and tangle into his brother's hair. He has to show his brother that he's trying... and even more importantly, he has to prove Jyushimatsu right. Show him that he's doing the right thing. Even if Ichimatsu is resisting him.]

[That's why he's bringing up Karamatsu again. All three of them, from back then. Because....]

Back then... you and me were the liars. Right? We were so full of bullshit. But Shi- ... Karamatsu was honest. A crybaby who was way too timid to do anything, b-but that was just... how he was.

[The way he still is, underneath all that glitter.]

I'm still the same way as ever. But now Karamatsu is a liar, too. You're the only one who turned into someone honest, Jyushimatsu. I - I look at all of those idiot older brothers, and they're all hopeless, but whenever I think about how you started being yourself like it was so easy...

[He trails off. Squeezes his brother's hand again; hard, this time.]

... I hate it. 'Cause... i-it makes me want to try, too.