There's a pang in her heart. One she can't force away because her eyes settle on his expression, the way he's failing to hold everything back and for a moment, it feels like she said something wrong. But it can't be wrong, if it caused this kind of reaction. If it's the truth she feels in her own soul, then there's some merit to it and he-
May or may not see it. Might not ever see it. But her words get through to him and she can see how some the flowers tear away from his skin. He's going to get better.
They're going to get better.
She's going to be better. For him, she has to be. If he's going to believe her, she has to be. If he can sit here and between these choked sobs say she's right, when he was struggling so much before then-
He starts to talk and she listens, focusing on every word coming out of his mouth. No petals are coming up, no blood-he's talking, and it's through a raspy sounding throat, but the words are coming out and he's not hurting because of it. That's what matters here and-
She's scared shitless when his voice drops and his hand moves to where that blindingly yellow flower is poking through her hair.
But she has to be better to. Get better. Deal with this because he's trying. Because she wants to try. Because they can try and even if it doesn't work, they did their best.
She knew it was coming. That he would be able to see through the haphazard braids on her head and pick up that her arms were numb and achy and sore. He always notices and she has to try. For someone kind like him, good like him, who sat here and listened to her preach about the shining heart beating in his chest, she-
Really has to try.]
I am. I'm very scared. Of a lot of things, I'm really scared.
[That once all-encompassing fear has shifted and waned over the years. Has been dulled by affection and care. Has been alleviated by kind words and promises. And with that, came-]
I used to be scared of dying. I didn't want to go, even if I had to. I wanted to stay alive for a long time and-
[That can't happen. It won't. It'll be impossible for her to survive outside of this island. The medicine will run out and she'll die.
She was always supposed to die.
And that thought isn't what makes every muscle in her body pull, pull, pull so tight. It isn't what makes her eyes immediately start to burn, as something seems to almost instantaneously overwhelm her. Like it's been at the forefront of her mind every waking moment, every second she's run around, every afternoon she tries too cook but she can't because she was never like him and how she tries to pull the fresh water from lake and heft it back to camp because she's not like her and how she stares at Kravitz because she is nothing like them and she can't make him better-only they could and she-
Tries to look up, then down, away and shuts her eyes tight to stop this and swallow it because they aren't here anymore.
So many people aren't here anymore and-
For awhile, Murasaki-chan wasn't here anymore and now she's scared of-]
I wanted to say goodbye. That's something I wanted to do. I want to say 'Goodbye' and 'Thank you' and-
I thought when I died, I could say that to people. Because I'm not supposed to be alive for a long time, but-
[They're gone. He was gone. People are gone and that's okay. She knew they would leave-they have homes with people who love them and worlds that are intact. They're going to leave and she's okay with that, but-]
They were just gone and now they won't know. I won't see them again and they won't know that I said 'Thank you.'
[They'll forget her and that's fine. It's normal. It's how it's supposed to be and how everything originally started.]
Everyone's leaving before I can say 'goodbye.' Before I can say 'thank you.' Before I can say 'I love you.' And now they won't know. I wanted to tell you too-that kind of thing and you were gone too. I wanted to say 'Thank you, Murasaki-chan.'
[She tries to wipe at her eyes to no avail. They're falling far faster than she can keep up with and-]
And 'Goodbye, Murasaki-chan' and 'I love you, Murasaki-chan.'
no subject
There's a pang in her heart. One she can't force away because her eyes settle on his expression, the way he's failing to hold everything back and for a moment, it feels like she said something wrong. But it can't be wrong, if it caused this kind of reaction. If it's the truth she feels in her own soul, then there's some merit to it and he-
May or may not see it. Might not ever see it. But her words get through to him and she can see how some the flowers tear away from his skin. He's going to get better.
They're going to get better.
She's going to be better. For him, she has to be. If he's going to believe her, she has to be. If he can sit here and between these choked sobs say she's right, when he was struggling so much before then-
He starts to talk and she listens, focusing on every word coming out of his mouth. No petals are coming up, no blood-he's talking, and it's through a raspy sounding throat, but the words are coming out and he's not hurting because of it. That's what matters here and-
She's scared shitless when his voice drops and his hand moves to where that blindingly yellow flower is poking through her hair.
But she has to be better to. Get better. Deal with this because he's trying. Because she wants to try. Because they can try and even if it doesn't work, they did their best.
She knew it was coming. That he would be able to see through the haphazard braids on her head and pick up that her arms were numb and achy and sore. He always notices and she has to try. For someone kind like him, good like him, who sat here and listened to her preach about the shining heart beating in his chest, she-
Really has to try.]
I am. I'm very scared. Of a lot of things, I'm really scared.
[That once all-encompassing fear has shifted and waned over the years. Has been dulled by affection and care. Has been alleviated by kind words and promises. And with that, came-]
I used to be scared of dying. I didn't want to go, even if I had to. I wanted to stay alive for a long time and-
[That can't happen. It won't. It'll be impossible for her to survive outside of this island. The medicine will run out and she'll die.
She was always supposed to die.
And that thought isn't what makes every muscle in her body pull, pull, pull so tight. It isn't what makes her eyes immediately start to burn, as something seems to almost instantaneously overwhelm her. Like it's been at the forefront of her mind every waking moment, every second she's run around, every afternoon she tries too cook but she can't because she was never like him and how she tries to pull the fresh water from lake and heft it back to camp because she's not like her and how she stares at Kravitz because she is nothing like them and she can't make him better-only they could and she-
Tries to look up, then down, away and shuts her eyes tight to stop this and swallow it because they aren't here anymore.
So many people aren't here anymore and-
For awhile, Murasaki-chan wasn't here anymore and now she's scared of-]
I wanted to say goodbye. That's something I wanted to do. I want to say 'Goodbye' and 'Thank you' and-
I thought when I died, I could say that to people. Because I'm not supposed to be alive for a long time, but-
[They're gone. He was gone. People are gone and that's okay. She knew they would leave-they have homes with people who love them and worlds that are intact. They're going to leave and she's okay with that, but-]
They were just gone and now they won't know. I won't see them again and they won't know that I said 'Thank you.'
[They'll forget her and that's fine. It's normal. It's how it's supposed to be and how everything originally started.]
Everyone's leaving before I can say 'goodbye.' Before I can say 'thank you.' Before I can say 'I love you.' And now they won't know. I wanted to tell you too-that kind of thing and you were gone too. I wanted to say 'Thank you, Murasaki-chan.'
[She tries to wipe at her eyes to no avail. They're falling far faster than she can keep up with and-]
And 'Goodbye, Murasaki-chan' and 'I love you, Murasaki-chan.'