[Ichimatsu sobs. It's an ugly sound, with pearls of sap and tears rolling down his face, catching against the thorns dotted through his skin. This is - it isn't okay. He's always known himself as useless, unburnable trash. No will to live at all. All he's ever wanted was for her to be as little like him as possible, but she keeps doing this, elevating him into some kind of person, and what's he supposed to do with that? How can he bring himself to be any crueler than this?]
[He's capable of it. He feels the threat of it settled in his bones like nettles, always. Something he can draw out and draw blood with and then push people away. He does it all the goddamn time, and he could do it right now; break his own promise and reject her. Save himself from this threat of being treated like a person.]
[But he can't. Not to Ren. Not the one person he can help instead of hurt - if he tries.]
[He's got to be better.]
... n-no. Ren-chan is right.
[He releases her and lifts a hand to scrub at his tears, wincing at the feeling of flowers tearing off his temples like bits of wet mulch. He doesn't know how to begin responding to a voice about love and reassurance if it isn't by harshly rejecting it. It's not okay. He can't do that to her. Ren, who used to be like him, until Seto. With all her ghosts and her hospital gown. Who has good and sad memories, and who can tell that even someone like Ichimatsu loves a lot of things too.]
[He tries to compose himself. She's spoken out loud everything Ichimatsu is too weak to. Not only is she stronger than he hoped for - she's stronger than he ever gave her credit for.]
[But something is missing.]
If Ren-chan can say all of those things... I'm glad. You should keep thinking like that, okay? Not everybody can do that. That thing I told you, about feeling alone - e-everyone's the same way. Everyone's scared shitless of it, whether they'll admit it or not. Even my brothers...
[His voice is unsteady, rambling, but that's mainly because he's trying to rush into a point. Once he gets there, his tone lowers a bit; dulls into chips at the edges, and Ichimatsu's wet eyes soften, his fingers moving to brush against one of the flowers in her hair.]
... so... that's why I know... even though she's brave enough to say all that, Ren-chan is still hiding something she's scared of talking about.
no subject
W-wait, that's not what I'm...
[You're not bad.]
You've got it wrong.
[Your heart isn't bad.]
I...
[It's okay.]
[Ichimatsu sobs. It's an ugly sound, with pearls of sap and tears rolling down his face, catching against the thorns dotted through his skin. This is - it isn't okay. He's always known himself as useless, unburnable trash. No will to live at all. All he's ever wanted was for her to be as little like him as possible, but she keeps doing this, elevating him into some kind of person, and what's he supposed to do with that? How can he bring himself to be any crueler than this?]
[He's capable of it. He feels the threat of it settled in his bones like nettles, always. Something he can draw out and draw blood with and then push people away. He does it all the goddamn time, and he could do it right now; break his own promise and reject her. Save himself from this threat of being treated like a person.]
[But he can't. Not to Ren. Not the one person he can help instead of hurt - if he tries.]
[He's got to be better.]
... n-no. Ren-chan is right.
[He releases her and lifts a hand to scrub at his tears, wincing at the feeling of flowers tearing off his temples like bits of wet mulch. He doesn't know how to begin responding to a voice about love and reassurance if it isn't by harshly rejecting it. It's not okay. He can't do that to her. Ren, who used to be like him, until Seto. With all her ghosts and her hospital gown. Who has good and sad memories, and who can tell that even someone like Ichimatsu loves a lot of things too.]
[He tries to compose himself. She's spoken out loud everything Ichimatsu is too weak to. Not only is she stronger than he hoped for - she's stronger than he ever gave her credit for.]
[But something is missing.]
If Ren-chan can say all of those things... I'm glad. You should keep thinking like that, okay? Not everybody can do that. That thing I told you, about feeling alone - e-everyone's the same way. Everyone's scared shitless of it, whether they'll admit it or not. Even my brothers...
[His voice is unsteady, rambling, but that's mainly because he's trying to rush into a point. Once he gets there, his tone lowers a bit; dulls into chips at the edges, and Ichimatsu's wet eyes soften, his fingers moving to brush against one of the flowers in her hair.]
... so... that's why I know... even though she's brave enough to say all that, Ren-chan is still hiding something she's scared of talking about.