lifeaftr | November Undercurrent: And We Give Thanks

November Undercurrent: And We Give Thanks

NOVEMBER UNDERCURRENT

Who: Everyone!
What: Have you told someone you loved them yet?
When: November 3rd to November 20th
Where: Everywhere!
Warnings: Nothing of note; please mark if anything comes up!

Take Me Back to the Reasons Why
The Water wishes to demonstrate their power to you, as well as just what they mean, when they suggest that they require your cooperation. They are going to bring back the harvest island of Nuidan, a generally fondly remembered island that explorers have encountered in the past. What's more, they're going to require your help to do it.

Starting November 3rd, characters will discover a simple strip of dark leather among their belongings, meant to be worn around the neck or wrist. They can disregard it, of course, but if they attempt to discard or destroy it, it will always find its way back to them, no matter how improbable this might seem. How strange...

Perhaps even stranger is the sudden appearance of a smooth slab of stone, half-submerged in the waters just off of Ensō's coast. It's an altar, and around its edges are a series of deep notches, as though something is meant to be inserted into them. In its center is a pool of water, though it curiously doesn't seem to reflect anything.

The purpose of this will only really become obvious once the month goes on. Characters will find themselves to compelled to be honest with the people around them as to why they care, why they appreciate them as people, or what they like most about them. This compulsion can vary wildly and at the player's discretion, from a gentle mental pressure to an unstoppable force, and anything in between!

The bottom line is that every time one admits to some feeling of gratitude, no matter how small or big, their little plait of leather will receive a crystal from the interaction. All crystals will be roughly the same shape, but they may vary in color, pattern, and texture. Some might be simple sticks of quartz, while others might be comprised of myriad, ever-changing swirls of color. Again, the only limit here is your imagination.

Now the presence of that strange, altar-shaped stone in the water might make a bit more sense. Those notches in its sides are the perfect size and shape to fit a crystal smoothly into any one of them. The more grateful interactions one has with others, the more crystals they will gather, and the more they can fit into the altar. As more crystals are fed to the altar, it will start to glow. The pool of water at the altar's top will start to reflect the likeness island of Nuidan in increasing clarity, as though one is peering at its likeness in a snowglobe. What's more is that the number of crystals in the altar will very obviously affect Nuidan's state: very few crystals will make the island look as though it is mostly wilderness only a handful of structures in dire need of repair, while a great deal of crystals will cause the island to look as though it is thriving, in full bloom, and in more need of harvest than maintenance.

But, ultimately, the state in which Nuidan returns to you is up to you...and how far you're willing to go to express a little gratitude. Don't worry if you don't know anyone, either - this marks a great opportunity to start doing nice things for people, even if you don't know them! You've got most of the month to get to know each other, after all.

Don't think you can get away with heaping compliments on your closest friends and companions, however; variety is the name of the game here. While you can collect all sorts of crystals for personal use from repeat interactions, you can only feed one crystal to the altar per person. That is to say, Character A can be as grateful to Character B as they like, but only one crystal from each character can be delivered to the altar. If they want to procure more for the altar's purposes, Character A will have to have a positive interaction with Character C, and so on.

Take Me Back to That Big Sky

Of course, there's a lot going on in the background as well. You're free to use this log as a catch-all for the duration of November's Undercurrent Event, as well as the other minor events listed on our Monthly Rundown post. You are very, very free to let your dreams about creepers and baby lorbies become reality, and you are always free to create your own individual logs and posts as needed.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask them over on our Monthly Rundown post!

November Timeline

[ ♆ ] November 3rd: "And We Give Thanks" begins and lasts until November 20th
[ ♆ ] November 4th: "Aw, Man" begins and lasts until November 12th
[ ♆ ] November 11th: "The Lorblings" begins and lasts until November 25th
[ ♆ ] November 20th: Nuidan returns to the archipelago
[ ♆ ] November 21st: "Return to Your Roots" begins and lasts until November 30th

LOGS ● OOC ● STORIES ● MAIN NAVIGATION

( CODED BY BOOTYCALL )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's going to be a while before he makes it up an entire damn mountain, rocks and foliage and all this general nature nonsense slowing him down. Yeah. City life is better, he tells himself every day. How the heck do living people do this?! But it has to be done.

"No such thing as 'too nice', you know. You're worth looking for."

Ginko should probably be happy to hear Hector say that, he guesses - but, instead, his hand curls against his face, claws digging into his skin, and shame seizes his chest again.

It's not like this is the first time this has happened - and he guesses, to those expressing this kind of thing, it must seem natural. He's helped them, he's gotten close to them - probably too close, actually. So they end up feeling like they've got to return that.

"I'm... sorry."

"...Why are you sorry?" The fear's crept back into his voice. Sorry could mean so many things, sorry could mean something terrible is about to be done... he has to ask, he can't keep his mouth shut. They can sit together in silence when he's there, but until then...

"Can you keep talking to me, Ginko?" It'll probably be hours before he's found the guy. Too damn long.

He might feel bad about having scared him again, but... it's hard to tell, at this point. Too much guilt stacked up and weighing him down, to the point that one more weight doesn't mean much.

But the least he can do, he guesses, is to honor his request to keep talking - as likely as it may be that Hector won't like what he hears.

"I think... I may have given you the wrong idea. About myself."

"Why do you say that?"

Interesting how different he sounds when he's dropped the careless and happy fellow persona, isn't it? He could be another person entirely. Which one is the real him? Who knows?

Even if Ginko were in any state to notice that, he certainly wouldn't be in a position to question it. He's got his own facades for when he needs them, after all - and most have some truth to them.

But, of course, there's the problem. Bits of truth, honest advice given out of honest concern, can build up and piece together and somehow - somehow - create an impression of someone better than he has ever truly been.

And, somewhere along the way, it's bound to collapse.

"You said I was worth looking for." Saying it out loud doesn't actually help the sickening coiling in his gut. It just reminds him of old conversations, old arguments, trying and struggling and failing to explain what he is and what he isn't in a way that won't just hurt his conversation partner more.

But he's not sure that's possible.

"You don't have to bother with this. And you shouldn't."

"We're friends." Goes without saying, which never stops him saying it. But it hasn't seemed to sink it. Will it ever, he wonders. If it doesn't, at least he did everything he could.

"I want to, and I have time. Plenty of it. So why shouldn't I?"

He knows that much. He knows that they're friends, that Hector wants to be around him for some reason. Knowing it isn't really the problem.

"You could do anything else with that time." He pauses again, swallowing down another miserable swell of what feels like terror in his chest. What is wrong with him? "I can't-- stop you from coming up here, but I didn't leave for nothing."

He's in no state for conversation - Hector can probably tell that much just over the stone. Nobody should have to deal with this, and Ginko isn't sure he wants to deal with them.

"It's not a waste. You're no lost cause, you're one of my favorite people around."

Keep talking like that, Ginko, he has plenty of material with or without the damn compelling leather loop. It may not help, it may be making things worse, but he can't keep it inside.

"I promise, I'm not lying when I say that. I can't lie to save my life, you know that."

His answer comes out before he can rethink it. "There are much better people around than me."

The fact that Hector considers him a friend isn't really new information (as bizarre as it might be), but that sure is. Ginko pulls his limbs in closer, and his grip on his leg tightens until it stings.

"I know you're not lying. I know you mean it, because you're... that's what I meant, about you being too nice. You're too good not to mean it."

Nothing's said for a moment, though the stone is still sending the sounds of footsteps and bones clicking against each other. He couldn't sneak up on anyone to save his life either!

He's not silent for too terribly long. "Maybe so. Who cares? You don't have to be perfect or earn it and you haven't done anything wrong. Far as that goes, I'm not better than you either. I don't know where you get that idea from, I've made more mistakes than I've done good. I'm not some saint." Another pause. "We're just two guys stuck on an island, and... I want to spend time with you."

It doesn't matter whether Hector is a 'saint' or what; he's seen him with the kids here, how he lifts people's spirits. Unless he's secretly a murderer or something - which Ginko finds pretty damn hard to believe - that seems most important right now.

Of course, that isn't the only problem. You haven't done anything wrong-- yeah, right. He's always doing things wrong, here and in Ryslig and long before, driving people away or worse.

"I've been an awful friend. Especially lately." Irritable, useless, no matter how much he tries to channel that miserable apathy into something that might be worthwhile. "And that's just here. Not even counting before."

Hector may know some of who he was before. He may know about his traveling, his loneliness - but that doesn't mean he knows the extent of why things had to be that way, how much Ginko simply isn't suited to staying among people like this.

Would he go that far, given the choice between someone's life and the chance to see his daughter for one last day? No, probably not, but he would certainly be tempted. And what does that say about him?

"This place would wear anyone down, it did me and you know that, you were there. Can't get rid of me that easily, you have no idea how many people've tried."

Heaps and heaps of people! He's smiling for just a moment, unseen.

"It's not just this place." There's a trace of desperation creeping into his voice, for Hector to understand - he can't blame where they are. Maybe he is worse off for that, because he's not where he's meant to be, hasn't been for a long time, but that's never been the root of it.

"I'm not really... suited to living like this. Staying in one place, seeing the same people, day after day-- it's never worked. Four damn years now, between this place and Ryslig, and I still can't do it. It's not that I want to get rid of you-- I don't want to disappoint you, and at this rate that's inevitable."

"Oh!" Something clicks for him, finally--it makes more sense than it did two seconds ago. Afraid of disappointing people. And it might have started small, but now it's snowballed into ridiculousness, until Ginko ended up on top of a mountain, too petrified he's ruined everything to ever hike back down.

Oddly understandable.

"You're not. And you won't. How would you, anyway? What do you think you'll do?"

He could almost laugh at that. Almost. "I don't know. Maybe if I could predict it, I could avoid it. But I never seem to."

Sticking around too long, stepping too far out of line - he can't predict how, exactly, things will fall apart. There's only one consistent factor. "The only surefire way is to remove myself from the situation."

So, here he is. Partly out of that calculated avoidance, partly out of sheer, directionless panic.

Edited 2019-11-15 05:21 (UTC)

"I don't want you to do that. I'd miss you. I'm not the only one who would."

So very sincere. For all his faults, he almost always is once he starts in with the sappiness. Moving, walking, caring. It's not something he can switch off, things would have been so much easier if he could.

"Not sure what you could possibly do to disappoint me, Ginko." It's always been the other way around. "It won't happen. Alright?"

Ginko can't pull together a reply to that first part; it's probably true, and he knows that. Right now, Hector still likes him, as he knows some others do.

That promise, however, only makes dread burst in his lungs again. He answers almost immediately, halfway afraid that Hector will somehow hear how tightly he's gripping his stone. "Don't say that."

The best he can hope for is that it's a mere platitude, without any true substance. But, if Hector really means that-- if Ginko lets himself believe it, that will only set them both up to fall harder.

"...Okay, okay, I won't say it again."

It's going to be too damn long before he makes it up the mountain. Pity his tigerlily doesn't mind him well enough to be ridden, then he'd be there in no time.

"I'm not... expecting anything from you, you know? Just be yourself."

He's still got his wits about him enough, at least, to regret that-- that maybe it came out too sharply, or that he shouldn't have said anything at all. Shit, even now he can't keep from screwing up.

"...Sorry." He's curled up about as tightly as he can be while sitting up like this, and he still feels like he's taking up too much space. He suspects his claws are starting to bruise his leg by now.

Ginko lets out a shaky breath - once more, almost a laugh, if not quite there - and shifts to rest his forehead on one knee. "What if I don't want to be?"

A pause. Sounds like he had to clamber over something--a log, blocking the best path he can find. Mountain. It happens. There are no good trails that he can pick out.

"Then I guess that makes two of us. Do you really want to be alone?"

Hector is struggling. Ginko can tell that much from here. Hector is going to so much effort to find him, to try and help him. He should really be more appreciative. He shouldn't feel so guilty about his friend wanting to help him.

But Hector shouldn't feel like he has to help him. Ginko shouldn't be breaking down like this, he should be able to keep himself together.

He pulls in a deep breath and makes another attempt to stop shaking. "I... don't know."

That's a lot of the problem, when it comes down to it.

"I don't... know what I want."

"I don't think you want to be alone. I think ten years from now you'll be glad you weren't."

So. Ginko won't be left alone. He can argue till he's blue in the face, Héctor's not turning back. Making a difference for a living person... perhaps that's the entire reason he's here. Not that it makes the entire mess worth it, no. He'd never have the willpower to go so much as one step further away from his beloved Coco, no matter how much he cares about Ginko and the others he's met. He'll hike a mountain for the guy... but he wouldn't stay one second longer than he has to.

Maybe that's why whoever or whatever is in charge isn't giving him a choice.

Will he? Ginko supposes it's not impossible that he'll be glad for the company later, but he can't very well take it as a certainty. Not when every fiber of his being is screaming that he should keep moving, drag himself as deep into the mountains as he has to go to keep anyone else from having to deal with him.

Too bad he's still stuck in place, shaking. And too bad Hector's trying to find him; if he keeps moving now, Hector will only end up wandering out here for longer. Whether it makes sense or not, after all, it's pretty clear by now that he doesn't intend to give up before finding Ginko.

He shudders, another wave of revulsion running through his chest and squeezing his lungs - disgust at himself, at what he's let happen, what he's made happen. He hangs around people, and he screws up. He gets away from people, they only go to extra effort to follow him. It's not like it's the first time that's happened, but that doesn't make it any less agonizing.

"What if I did want to be alone after all? What if you're wrong?"

Silence over the stone. No voice, that is. What if he is? What if he's the one ruining things? Not for the sake of crossing a bridge this time, not for Coco, not for any excusable reason... simply because he's an idiot and he always will be.

"Wouldn't be the first time." he says heavily after a few minutes. "I'm wrong a lot, I've made so many mistakes. And I... I know I've chased people longer than I should have in the past. You really want me to back off or are you still trying to save me the walk?"

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cw mild self-harm

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