You want it to be you? 'Cause it sounds to me like you've ruled out every other possibility to give yourself a reason to be self-destructive.

[It doesn't have to be him. There are potential explanations. There are other options besides death. There has to be. There has to be.]

[And yes, it is indeed lost on Gobbet that she's doing exactly what she did last time.]

What would you do if you found out there was another way? Kill yourself just to make sure?